ARE YOU WORTH IT (intersex)

19

I walked inside the house and was instantly met with high ceilings, marbled floors and a chandelier. I knew she was rich but I can admit that I may have doubted how rich she actually was. I followed her to the living room that reminded me of the Salvatore house, a fireplace with engraved carvings around. Paintings and sculptures filled the house with a sort of elegance.

Cash has invited me over to study but I think she can sense how out of it I've been.

"You live here, alone?" I ask coming around the couch. She pulled a bottle of wine from the bar pulling out 2 cups from the tiny table

"You seem surprised," she says, filling both wine glasses with the red liquid. I watched her pour the last drop before picking up the cup to take a sip. I could feel her eyes on me curious for my next response.

"A little, I mean I kinda assumed you were lying about being rich" I heard her sigh.  "I'm sorry that was rud-"

"Don't apologize" she says, cutting me off "your right." I quickly turned to look at her but her eyes had already broken from me, looking down at her drink. "For the most part, at least" she took another big sip finishing her cup

"What do you mean?" I eagerly ask

"Steph, why do you think any parent would cut their child off from funds?" She turned to look at me with eyes that portrayed a sort of guilt. I shrugged my shoulders, I didn't wanna say the wrong thing.

"Drugs." She says in a raspy voice, almost like it was a thing she couldn't believe was actually true. She walked over to me taking a seat next to me "it's not to teach me a lesson on independence it's because im a fucking drug addict Steph."

"Well Should you really be drinking then?" I mumbled which only caused her to laugh hysterically. I could feel my eyebrow raise in confusion. I wasn't trying to be funny and I'm not sure what the hell was so funny about what I just said

Her laughing turned into a few chuckles "Steph, this is why I like you. you're so concerned, it's cute" she moves her hair behind her ears "i'm an addict but I'm not addicted to drinking."

"So this is why your parents cut you off from funds?"

"Yeah. My parents on the other hand still pay for everything but only if I do what I'm supposed to like, attend school, attend my NA meetings and go to therapy so technically I'm not fully cut off. I just can't access any of my funds"

"I'm sorry, cash. I have no idea how that must feel having everything being documented. It seems like you have no room to fuck up and being in your 20s is the time you are free to fuck up the most" I placed my hand on her knee "If it makes you feel any better I've definitely had my share of extreme fuck ups this year" I took a deep breath contemplating if I should confess my faults.

I felt her hand touch mines "It's okay Steph, I'm not expecting you to open up if yo-"
I snatched my hand away from her leg, rubbing it for comfort with my other hand.

"I slept with someone." I finally admitted after a brief pause of silence. Cash head tilted to the side.

"Steph, I think we all slept with som-"

"No I slept with someone that I shouldn't have" I say cutting her off for the second time. "I slept with someone. not only did I let her take my virginity but turns out she's fucking married" I could feel the burn in my eyes as they began to water. "She's married and I slept with her." I quickly wiped my eyes before anything could fall "but if I'm truly being honest with myself I think I'm more mad at myself for not feeling how I'm supposed to feel. I'm supposed to be disgusted with myself. I'm supposed to feel guilty but I only feel disgusted for wanting her more. Guilty for not caring that she's married" And there it was the real truth flowing out my mouth like I wasn't trying so hard to bury it.

I looked down at my hands fiddling with them. Her silence was strong, I began to worry what she was thinking, what she thought of me.

"Dude, You're human. I think we've all experienced something similar to sleeping with someone we shouldn't be sleeping with." I looked up at her, taken back by her response. I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't that. "Now enough of this sad shit. You want some wine?" She says getting up to fill up her second cup.

"Sure" I say with a soft smile.

💭💭's
Xo