ARE YOU WORTH IT (intersex)

21

It's been two long weeks since I've seen your face. I can tell that you've been avoiding me. I don't blame you though we shouldn't see each other.

Last night I touched myself to the thought of you. The memory of us up on your desk.

I came four times.

almost came five but the instant image of your wife's hand around your waist stopped me.

I'm stuck in what feels like torment. repeatedly replaying the day I met your wife. What confuses me the most is the fact that she seems like such a lovely woman. She looked so in love.

Both of you seemed happy.

So what is it?

Why do you do the things that you do? Why sneak around on your wife?

I raised my hand asking to use the restroom. But if I'm being honest I just used that as a decoy. After I was given permission I made my way down the hall and before I knew it I was at your door. I raised my fist to knock but I couldn't find the courage to do it.

What the fuck am I doing here I thought to myself.

I slowly pulled my hand back down, realizing how foolish I would look back peddling. I swallowed the lump turning around to her standing over me.

My heart sank.

How long has she been standing behind me?

She extended her hand past me, opening the door with a cocky stare showing me how easy it was to open the door.

"Do you want to come in?"

"I don't think I should."

"ok" she says brushing past me into the office. Sorting through her papers in her hand.

" You're not even gonna ask me why" I say following behind her.

She briefly paused to look at me

"Did I really need to?" She looked down at my foot placement on her carpet. I followed her eyes, realizing where I was. I should feel dumb but I don't. "The real question is why are you lingingering outside my office?," she asked, leaning against her desk, setting her papers aside. I had no explanation. I kinda just went on an impulsive walk and ended up standing outside her office. Did I really need to explain that to her?. She leaned up, seeming confused that I couldn't muster up any words. But I think she knows why I'm here. We both know why I'm here. I slowly walked over to her with my head down.

There I was, standing under her, going back and forth in my head. I tugged on her tie pulling her down to me "I can't fight this any more." I rose up on my toes, closing my eyes, releasing an exhale before connecting my lips with hers . Her lips were soft and plumped. It felt nice But This. feels. wrong....

My thoughts got louder and the pit of guilt began filling in my lower abdomen. I quickly stopped myself coming down on my feet.

"I-I shouldn't have done tha -"

My sentence was cut short by her hand placement on my lips. Her eyes are wide and soft. A look I only like to see when she's inside me But In this case it's a bit concerning. Her silence was deafening.

After a few more seconds I swatted her hands away.

"You know what I don't understand" I asked but she still said nothing so I began again. "You really convinced me that I knew exactly what I was getting myself into and made it seem like I had some kinda say in the matter but you never once mentioned you were married. Why is that?"

More silence filled the air. Her eyes are piercing mine. She's trying to intimidate me but to break eye contact is to lose control and at this moment I cannot let her control this narrative.