𝑺𝑻𝒀𝑳𝑬 ➳ 𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬 𝐄𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐬

𝟐𝟔. 𝐒𝐮𝐝𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐲

My alarm wakes me up at 7am, so I take a shower and get ready for the day after packing my overnight bag. I'm staying the night at my mom's place, that's easier since it's like a 4 hour drive back home. Once I'm all done, I drive up to Massachusetts and greet my family when I'm finally there. I spend the day with them, and cook dinner for everyone together with my mom. "So, sweetie, how is everything going with you?" my mom asks, while we're preparing the dinner. "Everything is good, yeah! How's everything here?" I ask in reply, giving her a sweet smile. "Everything is fine here, too! Now tell me, how's New York? How's work, and how's life?" she asks again, causing me to laugh. "Um, yeah, work is going great! And um, well... I might have met someone, a few weeks ago" I carefully tell, slowly looking at her.

"You did? That's amazing, sweetie! Tell me all about him!" she happily says, making me smile again. "His name is Soy, I met him at Starbucks and we went on three dates! We've been hanging out on the days we don't plan dates, too" I tell, catching myself smiling bright. "That's amazing, Amelia! Do you really like him? Or, do you love him?" she asks, softly bumping her arm into mine as I giggle. "Oh, I really do like him! But it's been like, two and a half weeks or something" I reply, letting her know that I don't immediately love him. He's cute, and I like him, but I don't love him. Not yet! "Well yeah, but you've been hanging out a lot, it's okay to feel a bit more!" she explains, so I nod my head. "Yeah, no, I know, but I really like him. He's nice, he's kind, he's respectful, he listens to me... Yeah, he's great" I giggle, so she laughs with me.

"I'm really happy for you, honey. So, how's work?" she asks now, still smiling. "Work is great, yeah!" I happily reply, nodding my head. Work really is great, the brand is going amazing and people keep asking for collabs every day. "That's good! I'm so proud of you! And, if you don't mind me asking, how's Chris?" she asks now, while I slowly drop the bright smile. "I don't know, actually" I reply, looking down at the food as I talk to her. "What do you mean, you don't know? Did something happen between you two? Was it about you starting to date someone that wasn't him?" she asks again, and I clear my throat. "Um, I don't know. We haven't spoken in a week" I reply, giving her a quick smile. "Oh... How come, sweetie? Is he mad at you? I thought you two loved each other" she adds, so I immediately look up.

"Oh, um..." I start, not really knowing what to say right now. "You can talk to me, sweetie" she says, softly rubbing my back as I slightly tear up. "I-it's a long story..." I stutter, trying not to tear up. "We've got plenty of time, honey. So tell me, what happened between you two?" she asks again, making me smile. "Um... Well, after that cover shoot for Vogue, two weeks ago, I told him I had a date because he asked if I had plans that night. He ignored that, so I just went home, but three and a half hours later, right before Soy was gonna pick me up, Chris was there" I start telling, and she frowns. "Oh? What was he doing there? I mean, he knew you had a date" she says, so I slowly nod my head. "Yeah, he... Well, let's just say he got incredibly angry and told Soy to go away once he got to my place to pick me up" I explain, taking a deep breath after getting that out.

"He did that? Oh, that boy... What happened then?" my mom asks, frowning at Chris' actions. "We fought" I reply, slightly tearing up but blinking the tears away. "Oh honey... I'm sorry... And, you haven't talked ever since?" she asks again, really listening to me. "No no, we talked a week after that, but we fought again and now we haven't talked in a week, again" I reply, taking yet another deep breath. I'm having a hard time talking about this, still. "Can I ask why you fought, sweetie? And what kind of things were said?" she asks, taking both my hands so I look at her. "I simply just told him to let me go, and to move on, start creating the future he wants. He, on the other hand, wouldn't listen to that" I tell, lifting my shoulders up for a second. "You know, he loves you a lot. It's going to be hard for him to move on, really hard. Sweetie, you can't just ask him that and expect him to immediately be okay, right? He's been in love with you for ages" she explains, also taking a deep breath.

"And I've been in love with him for ages but I'm being an adult about this and he isn't" I let out, as a tear rolls down my cheek. "I know you have Soy to focus on now, which is great, but... You do still love Chris, and you have a special place for him in your heart. You can't just forget that and tell him to do the same" she adds, and I let out a silent sigh. "Yeah, but... But he has to move on, mom..." I sigh, looking at our hands now. "Sweetie, who says he has to move on? Again, I know you have Soy to focus on now, but if you still love Chris, you won't be able to fully be nor enjoy your time with Soy" she explains, slowly nodding her head. "No no, I... I don't love Chris" I quickly exclaim, shaking my head and wiping away down tears. "Yes, you do. You actually just admitted that, sweetie. You can't just forget him, you two have this huge, beautiful connection and you can't ask him to move on from you. Those things take time, as you know yourself" she explains, so I sigh again.

"And even though I'm happy you have Soy next to you now, you and Chris always had a special connection. You will always have it, that can't end" she adds, but I shake my head. "It has to end, mom..." I silently say, looking at her again. "Why do you say that, honey?" she asks, moving my hair behind my ear for me. "Because Chris and I can't be together like that" I sigh, still shaking my head. Why won't anyone get that? "Honey, who says you can't? If you love each other, I mean..." she tries to suggest, but I won't take it. "Yeah, well, he's... He sucks, right now. And also, we won't be together like that at all anymore, not after those fights. He's done, I'm done with him" I tell, wiping away another tear. "You should talk to him, see what's best for both of you. But, don't ruin a friendship because of this. Right now, you might not be able to get together, but deep down, I have a feeling you two are soulmates" she adds, softly smiling as she moves another string of hair behind my ear for me.

"We're not... I just... I have to get him out of my head..." I whisper, mostly to myself but not without my mom hearing it. "Yeah, you are, but time will tell. Look, honey, I'm really happy you're with Soy, but take your time, okay? Don't rush anything, and don't try to use him to forget Chris" my mom say, making me smile. "I've been thinking... The contract with Chris almost ends again, and... We usually immediately replace it, but..." I slowly try to tell, but she immediately gets it. "You're thinking about not renewing the contact, huh?" she asks, knowing me too well. I slowly nod my head in reply, really needing her advice on this. "Look, if you ask me personally, I'd say, stay with Chris and see where it goes. But, if you ask me for you, I'd say... Maybe, indeed, don't renew it. Who knows, maybe it'll be a fresh start. Maybe it'll make you feel better, and if it doesn't, you can always go back to him in a heartbeat" she explains, giving me her honest advice.

"Thank you, mom..." I silently say, giving her a loving hug as she tells me it's gonna be okay. I'm glad she's so supportive I don't know what I would do without her. I don't think I'd be able to make this decision without her at all, but I do know that it's probably best if I don't renew the contract. I need some space, and if I have to keep seeing Chris over and over again almost every week, it's gonna be hard to actually get over him. I will get over him, doesn't matter how long it takes, but I will. I talk to my mom about it for a while longer, telling her why we can't be together and making her understand. Chris was being a real dick in the past few weeks, I just have to take a real step back this time. The best thing to do, for myself, is probably to stop working with him. Yes, I'm gonna miss him and yes, he's gonna be mad about it, but it's best for me.

I choose myself on this one, I'm sorry but I have to. I haven't been doing well at all because of this Chris-situation in the past few months, it has to end. I have to feel better, and I have to focus on finding that future I want. We finish the dinner, eat with the family and just have a good time. Yeah, I think stopping the contract with Chris is gonna be the best thing for myself. Just some distance between me and him, no mandatory things anymore, nothing. It has to end, and this is the best way to do that. I just hope he won't get too angry, I want him to just understand that this is the best thing for us both.