𝑺𝑻𝒀𝑳𝑬 ➳ 𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬 𝐄𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐬

𝟐𝟖. '𝐁𝐨𝐲 𝐓𝐨𝐲'

"Oh, you're done with me, huh?! Why?! What the fuck did I do wrong, hm?! Tell me what the fuck I did wrong! What, love you, maybe?! Is the fact that I love you more than life itself, so bad that you can't even fucking work with me anymore?!" he asks, still shouting at me. I just shake my head and slap his hand off my arm again, barely even believing this again. "You're not leaving me, Amelia! Don't you dare leave me, not without a serious reason! It's so childish of you to try and walk away from this, seriously, I can't even fucking believe it!" he adds, causing me to raise my eyebrows. He did not just call me childish. "Oh, I'm the childish one here?! For what, huh?! Choosing myself?! Is that childish?!" I shout in reply this time, blinking away the tears in my eyes. "Are you gonna run to your new boy now?! I'm sure you love him so, so much! Especially because you were a moaning mess in my fucking arms two weeks ago!" he shouts, making me go quiet for a second there. He can not be fucking serious right now.

"Excuse me?!" I eventually shout again, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment before immediately opening them again. I just can't believe he's being like this. "You fucking heard me! Are you gonna go play with your new boy toy?! You gonna go fake your feelings for him?! Use him to forget about me?!" he asks, yelling at me like there's not tomorrow. He has no fucking right to say these things about Soy, he can't do this  "Hey! You can't say that!" I snap, pointing at his chest out of frustration. "What, the fucking truth?! Oh man, I'm sure you love him so dearly, huh?! You love him so much that you let me kiss all over you and touch you wherever I wanted to touch you!" he shouts, again, also tearing up now. "You can't say those things, Chris!" I scream in reply, fighting the urge to cry, still. "Why not? Because the truth hurts? Does it hurt hearing the fucking truth?" he asks, still loudly, but not shouting.

"The truth isn't what hurts here, Chris. The thing that hurts is that you, the guy who 'loves' me, is being a huge dick about me trying to move on! I thought you'd be okay with this, I thought you'd be an adult about this but instead of calmly talking to me, and maybe even being happy for me, you're yelling at me!" I loudly reply, also not shouting but pretty much crying at this point. "It's so, so disappointing to see that the one person I've loved for years, can't be happy for me. That that one person can't even look at me without screaming anymore. That that one person who I thought would be supportive, isn't supportive at all" I add, while he just looks at me, shaking his head and sighing. "You would be happier with me. I've been trying to tell you that for ages, Amelia. You were, and still are, always the one denying your feelings for me, and now you're using another man to forget about me? Well played, Amelia. Well fucking played. Playing with his feelings just to forget about me, fucking hell, Am!" he starts to shout again, pointing at me this time.

"If you really loved me, you would be with me and give us a chance. You would ignore the fans, media, news, everything! They don't mean dick to me, they shouldn't mean dick to you! It's our life, Amelia! Not theirs! They don't get to comment on my relationship, only I do! You and I! And don't fucking think I'm gonna be supportive of a relationship that's being used to forget about me!" he adds, not even giving me space to argue. "You should make up your mind and accept the fact that I'm moving on, Chris! Yes, I'm dating another guy, okay?! Is that what you wanna hear from me?! That there's a guy in New York waiting for me right now, to comfort me after this shit because he knew I would get upset?! Is that what you want to hear?!" I loudly ask, and then, he does the thing I hate most. He fucking scoffs at me.

"A guy you're using to forget about me, Amelia! A guy who's gonna end up leaving! Don't lie and tell me you don't have feelings for me, I know you have feelings for me! I know you do! You love me just as much as I love you! You're just too blinded by fucking fear" he loudly adds, but I shake my head. "I'm not using him..." I silently reply, looking down for a moment as I tear up again. "Yeah sure you aren't, I'm sure you're already planning the wedding in that pretty little head of yours" he mumbles, and I shake my head. "What the fuck is wrong with you..." I sigh, still looking down as I shake my head. "With me? Nothing. With you, on the other hand? Yeah, there's a lot fucking wrong there. You're blinded by fear, like a fucking 5-year-old who's scared to sleep. You're scared of other people's opinions on your relationship, you're so scared that you even refuse to see how well you and I work together! We love each other, Amelia! For fucks sake! You're using this guy to get over me! I'm sure every time he kisses you, holds you and calls you nicknames will never be the same as when I do it, ever. Because I'm sure I won't be leaving your mind that soon" he exclaims, taking a few steps towards me.

"All I feel when I think of you is anger and sadness, Chris! You made it that way!" I shout, looking right into his eyes. "Oh, I'm sure it is! I'm sure his kisses are so good that your mind doesn't even think about going back to the moments we used to share! Oh wait, there's barely any of them, because you were too fucking afraid of letting me love you, while another man can" he sarcastically brings, causing me to frown. "Exactly, now, what's so hard to understand here?" I ask, raising my eyebrows at him this time. See, he knows I'm too scared to let him love me. I don't get what his fucking problem is now. "Oh my God! You're actually blinded by fear!" he laughs, but I shake my head. This is not fucking funny. "If you would just think for a fucking minute, Am, you'd know that I'd do everything in my power to protect you, to make you feel okay and to make that fear disappear, because I fucking love you" he adds, still talking loudly before taking a step back and running his hand through his hair.

"Then tell me why the fuck that didn't work yet!" I scream, taking a step closer. "Because you never let me!" he shouts, but I shake my head, again. "We've been like this since 2011 Chris, tell me why I'm still scared of you'd protect me so well!" I yell, trying the best I can not to just push him right now. "You never let me! You've always pushed me away! But let me tell you, even if your fear of being with me is because of the media, that's just stupid. Because I think that you actually fear letting someone love you in general. That's fucked up. So I do wish so much, so much, luck to that boy toy you've got now, since he's gonna see what being used and played feels like" Chris exclaims, but I can barely believe it. "For a fucking reason, Chris! And, I played you?! What?!" I loudly ask, full of disbelief.

"Because you're scared as shit of being loved! And yeah, you did! For years, you played me! If you really wanted to get over me, you would've done it years ago! So really, good luck using your boy toy. Maybe he'll open his eyes, especially when you're gonna cry on his shoulder about the man you've always loved but were too fucking stubborn to let love you back. I think it's gonna be very fucking funny when you tell him 'I love you' without meaning a single fucking word of it, whatsoever" he exclaims, and I widen my eyes. He cannot be serious! "First of all, I'm scared of being loved by you. Second, you dumbass, I did not play you, I tried to get over you but I was never able to do so because I had to see your stupid fucking face ever fucking week! Third, he's not a boy toy, you have to stop saying that! I'm not stubborn, I'm just scared and you fucking know that! And last, oh, it'll have a meaning" I reply, loudly, but not too loud.

"Oh you're 'so scared' of letting me love you, but yet you come running back to me every single time I text you! And he's definitely a boy toy, because you're using him! And about that 'I love you' thing, yeah, I doubt it. Or, maybe he's so good in bed that you'll say it just to make him happy" he adds, shaking his head as if I should be ashamed. "Excuse me?!" I yell, taking another step towards him. "I bet if I would kiss you now, you'd be a moaning mess in the matter of a second. Fuck this, you heard me! I bet the sex is amazing, I bet that's why you'll say you love him, just to make him believe it's true" Chris exclaims, but this time, I just stare at him in disbelief. I can't believe he just said all of this. "Oh, poor girl, does the truth hurt? Or are you so blinded by fear that you can't even hear the truth?" he asks, more silently now as he moves a string of hair behind my ear for me, but I just keep looking at him.