Blast From The Past

Facing The Pain

Danny has gone out of the room with Donnie and the Knights are standing by the door. Joe stands back up and reaches for the photo on the table to pass it to me. Then he pulls some chairs for us to sit on. I hold up the photo towards the brothers to introduce them to mine and Donnie's baby girl. Tentatively, they move closer. Jordan takes hold of the photo to look at it. "This is mine and Donnie's baby daughter, Edie. Unfortunately, she was stillborn." I glance up at their eyes, I can tell they're feeling emotional. "She has his eyes." Jordan observes, softly. "I'm so sorry that I've messed everything up for you all. When Joe introduced me to you all, I was shocked when I came face to face with Donnie. As you can see, seeing his face took me straight back to seeing, holding Edie, like I did all those years ago."

I turn down to watch Joey's fingers stroking my hand which is laid on my knee. "Don't blame yourself Katee, it sounds like emotions heightened everything, meaning these two butt-heads. Understandably, Joey is fierce and protective over you, rightly so. Donnie, retaliating against Joe, just like they did when we were kids." Jon tries to assess the situation until Jordan steps in, "by the reaction, I'm guessing he didn't know that the baby had died?" Both me and Joey nod our heads. Both of the brothers each give me a hug, and declare that they are here for me, for both of us, whilst looking at Joey and I.
"Katee has had every right to feel hurt and angry. When she told me she was pregnant, I paid her a sum of money and walked away. Like I didn't care. I did care, deep down but I was behaving like a fool and took the easy way out. I didn't stop to think about how it was for her. I am sorry Katee."

Donnie announces as he walks back into the room with Danny in tow. I glance over at Danny, we exchange small smiles.
"Before you come at me Joe, I think Donnie and Katee need to chat about things, whenever they are both ready then you and D can discuss stuff. Otherwise, we will end up going round in circles. This can't keep happening, especially when we're working together. This needs to stop. Now, okay."

Now he's glancing around at all of us, although his eyes soften when he pauses to look at me. I go over to where my bag is and Jordan is standing near, he hands me my photo, "Edie is beautiful. I'm so sorry for what happened with her. Every day, I thank my lucky stars that I have my two sons, and I can't imagine how difficult it is when you have to go through what you did with her."

My eyes well up, I immediately go to wrap my arms around him. "Thank you Jordan." We part and Joey comes up behind me, gently placing his hand into mine. We exchange eye contact with one another. Jon reaches out to give me a side hug. Me and Joe begin to walk through the doors when I pause for a second to make eye contact with Donnie, he nods. Looking into his eyes takes me back to when we made Edie, I now see the hurt and anger within his hazel eyes. I give him a little smile. The last thing I see is Danny going to him and putting his hand on his shoulder.

Jared, the band's manager, sends a message to Joe to inform him that he's decided to give everyone a day off to let everything settle. I know that Joe is pleased, and to be honest, I am too. Things have been so intense lately. I'm completely overwhelmed and exhausted. Last night after we got back to Joe's, we shared a bath, had some supper and went to bed. There we held each other tightly as we fell asleep.
"No one has ever stood up for me like you did yesterday, it took guts, Katee. I was furious when Danny said that you had come to the office and you were with Donnie. I was so scared that he was going to hurt you again." I listen as he rambles about how he felt about me turning up like I did. I place my hand on his chest where I could feel his heart beating, fast. "I would do anything for you Joseph, even facing someone who has caused me pain and I'd go through it all again. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I had decided to do it, a part of me thought you would try to stop me but in my heart, and in my mind, it was the only way I could put a stop to everything." He shuffles me so I'm level with his face, and he pulls me closer as he kisses me. "He didn't hurt you yesterday, did he?" Oh god no, "he'd never hurt me physically, Joe. If truth be told, I think he's sick of all the tension and fighting. A lot of it was because he wasn't aware of what happened with Edie, and I think it hit him when I showed him the photo." He brushes the hair off my face. "I'm sorry baby, I should never have put you in that situation that you felt like you had to intervene in the way you did, though." I kiss him. I'm tired of talking so I make a move to let him know that I need him physically. I feel him trailing light kisses down my neck, down my shoulder and he tugs my strap down onto my arm. We undress each other and explore our bodies. We never lose eye contact. Only when we're revelling in orgasmic bliss and our bodies take over. Those feelings that I thought I had for Donnie all those years ago, are nothing compared to how I feel about Joe. Throughout what we have been through, he always puts me and my feelings first, he's protective and the way he loves me is felt in every fibre of my body and heart. Our connection is like no other. All of my emotions build up inside of me, and as much as I try to push them to the side, he sees through me and he somehow manages to knock down my barriers. I just can't hide from him. I'm the most raw with him with my emotions and vulnerability. He not only tells me he loves me but he shows me how much with the way he is with me, here, right now in this bed.