𝖲𝗉𝖾𝖾𝖼𝗁 𝖳𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖺𝗉𝗒 | 𝖢𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗅𝗂𝗑

-3-

Felix couldn't get his mind off of the therapist. Maybe Felix would be able to open up. The therapist understood sign language better than anyone he's ever met. His sister is somewhat able to understand his sign but he mostly ended up texting her what he was trying to say.

Felix won't lie, the curiosity of his own voice was eating at him day by day. Felix was currently laying on his back, trying to see if he could convince himself to use his stupid voice. Maybe then he wouldn't have to go to speech therapy and save his sister the expenses. Maybe he would be able to finally do something to make someone in his life proud instead of being dead weight.

Felix sat up and held his throat where he things his vocal cords may be. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Feel my voice. I can do it

But once he opened his mouth, nothing came out. Fear overtook him instead. He was afraid hearing it. He was afraid of what would happen if he was able to speak again. Felix felt tears uncontrollably leaving his brown eyes. They just kept falling. He got up and rushed to the bathroom to do the only thing that relieves him of this pain. An instant cure for the conflicted feelings he constantly felt.

He rummaged through his prized small box and pulled out a blade. Without any second thought he pressed it against his bicep this time since it was the only place that wasn't covered in bandages. He watched the blood trickle from the cut and down his arm. Each drop representing each negative thought leaving him. But the tears didn't stop. He was ashamed that this was the only thing that could fix him.

He remembered the speech therapist suggested writing in a journal. He took out an journal from his backpack and opened it up. He sat over at hid desk and grabbed a pen, twirling it between his fingers thinking about what to write.

Um hi?
It's Felix. Felix Lee. This is awkward. I was told this could help but somehow this still feels extremely weird. Almost like I'm talking but not really. Anyways cutting didn't help so maybe this could. I am afraid of hearing my own voice. I'm afraid of being heard. That's all I got.
-Felix

Felix sighed and shut the journal up. It felt pretty good, better than he thought. It was like the journal was listening to him speak. Since it wasn't a real person the fear of being heard wasn't there. This Chan guy really did know what he was talking about.

Felix went to sleep that night peacefully for the first time in a while. The need to cut bothered him a bit but it was nothing he wasn't used to. He wasn't tormented in his dreams, in fact for the first time in a while he didn't dream at all.

A/n: this was so bad😭 it can only go up from here!