Tw: Mentions of death and violence, description of blood, by far the most poetic thing I've ever written. I really went full out on this one. Reader is closed off, with high walls (not explained why)
GN!Reader
Summary: Kili was never meant to fall for you, but he couldn't help himself. He was the one who managed to cheer you up whenever you did not feel like it. He made you a version of yourself you could have never imagined. And now, you lost him.
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"Up with your turret. Aren't we just terrified?"
Kili should have known better than to fall for the one he couldn't be with. The one who had their walls so high, not even he could bring them down. Yet, as a rainbow on a new spring morning, you caught his eye. And once he saw you, he knew he was done for. There was nothing he could have done.
He knew your struggles, your secrecy, your willing mind to be left alone, but he needed to be with you. Even as you tried pushing him away. He would persist himself onto you, desperate to gain even that slightest bit of attention from you. That nod of acknowledgment, that chuckle out of friendliness, that touch of reassurance. It was intoxicating to him.
Over time, he managed to get that spot next to you. To talk to you when no one would. To offer you that shoulder to cry on you were so frightened to ask for it. He knew it would only be for a while, but happiness wavered his grip on reality, and everything flew by as a darling daydream.
"Shale, screen your worry. From what you won't ever find."
So fragile, yet so strong. Your mind never once failed to amaze him. He wanted to give you that same happiness flowing through his system when he was you. The immeasurable amount of love he held for you, was something he would only ever share with the one who it belonged to. And though you had been closed off to others, he was able to give you that slice of pure glee for a moment. Worries and anxieties lifted from your body as you took care in observing and enjoying every moment spent with him.
His laugh was like a melody that would haunt you in your sweetest dreams, his gentle hold on your arm when he was telling you a story leaving the ghost of his presence whenever you were alone. Part of him flew around you, and loneliness seemed to dig its own grave.
"Don't let it fool you. Don't let it fool you."
How you wished it would last forever. How you had hoped that you would be beside him for as long as your years would allow you to. But even the most shining of stars had to burn out. The rose that decorated those green plains would wither, as would the trees around her.
You had done your best, letting go of ghosts of the past. To let that what was gone not come back. To neither focus on yesterday or tomorrow, but to focus on now. For now was the only time you could influence. And endings are never announced. No one will ever be able to tell when it is over. No one knows when time stops ticking, and the ground begins to break. No one realizes that the sky is falling until the moon is in front of your feet.
Sunny days turn into dark nights, and the water that decorated the rivers will slowly turn to ice. The grip bliss held on you had been tight enough to stir you away from cold and distant paths, but it would not be longer than the time you had so desperately pleaded for, to anyone who held that watchful eye over you.
"Down's sitting 'round, folds in her gown."
You had remembered Kili finding you beside the lake as you allowed yourself to let your emotions run from your eyes. Why you had been crying in the first place, was long forgotten by you. Perhaps they were terrors of what used to be, or pure stress in chaotic moments, but Kili had been there. He had held your hand in a hold so tight that it made you question whether you were his lifeline. The embrace of his arms around your body so delightful that you only ever wanted to drown in them.
