Oh my gods James and Ollie had a threesome with Estelle
Kayla got me thinking about vie. And I got really upset again. And the thing is I don't even know why they're not talking to me. They're the one who wasn't letting me be a parent. Then Mary died. But if they hadn't been trying to, I don't even know the word. But if they hadn't been undermining(?) me and my parenting I would've noticed sooner. Maybe if they hadn't been making me feel like I wasn't a good dad all night, I wouldn't have been freaking out so much and then I wouldn't have forgotten to do CPR. Maybe Mary wouldn't have died that night. They did get her back. But I don't think I've ever been more scared. I still blame myself for that. I hadn't bought new bread. But... I guess that's something I can talk about in therapy tomorrow. Nico says he's not mad at me. I wish he would sleep here again. But I know he's busy being a papa. I don't know what to do. I wish there was wifi or a tv or something other than to lay here in all my thoughts. They're not good for my mental health.
