Frankie and Theo brought the twins and Mary today. Well I guess technically it was yesterday but I haven't slept yet so we'll call it today. Mary brought me a family picture today she drew it so of course I had to hang it up. I let her pick where. It's at her eye level so it's perfect. Therapy was okay I guess. I'm just siiiiiigh. I was really happy while everyone was here. And actually I was happy until everyone left and then it was awful. And then when I asked about Nico phe told me he was crying because I was in the mental hospital. And then when I said I know it's not the same then he could come here. He said he was too busy. He came anyways. But now I feel super super super guilty. I wonder if I can sneak and call my therapist. I'm going to try. Hopefully he doesn't notice.
He noticed I told him I was just going to the bathroom. Which wasn't a complete lie. I talked to Jacqueline. She told me that we would talk about it in the morning. But now it's all figured out and I don't need to talk about it in the morning. I'm snuggled with Nico and he's sleep scratching my back which is one of my favorite things in the world. I'm here snuggled up and my eyes are leaking.
I woke up missing Nico. I guess I've spent so many years waking up next to him, not doing it is so hard. I went to breakfast and lunch today. It kinda really sucked. But I've had a headache since I woke up and when I asked someone for some Tylenol or something for it they asked on a scale of 1-10 how bad it hurt. And it only hurt like a 3 so they told me to go take a nap. But I'm not doing enough here to take a nap. So it's kinda ridiculous. And I'm just laying here bored, looking at Instagram reels.
I hate asking people to stay the night with me but I asked livi to stay tonight. She's doing the day program at the hospital. I hope it helps her. Knowing she wants to kill herself makes it hard to sleep. I try not to think about it because it's really bad for my mental health. Anyways livi told me she would sleepover so that I didn't have to ask Nico. But she blew me off for Eleanor. And now Nico is sad because he came and brought dinner but I had already eaten. Something feels off.
