Mother's day weekend started today.
It's friday so normally after school (if mom forced me to go to school) we would go and get sonic. I would eat 2 corn dogs, tater tots and a grape slush, mom got something different every single time we went, but one thing never changed, she always left with a blast. We would then go see a movie, she would always pick the movie i would want to see, and when i would tell her to pick a different one she would say "but wiiiiiiilliaaaaam, i wanna see this one" and so i would laugh and give in. we would add m&ms to the popcorn, any time we added something fun to it, she would call it movie salad. I remember one mothers day, it was before camp, so i was maybe 6 or 7 and mom had been on a diet and she was making our movie salad and i said "moooooooom you're on a diet remember" and she looked at me, smirked and said "it's a salad" and walked on into the theater. And after the movie we would go somewhere fancy to eat, my favorites were texas roadhouse or outback. We'd always get the fried onion and mom would let me get my own steak, always off the adult menu. Then we would go home and pack our bags for the weekend and about 10:30 we would start driving. There's a little beach house on Galveston beach that we went to every year for mothers day, I like to think that's where she met dad because the sun always feels a little warmer there. We would spend the whole weekend on the beach, we didn't have a care in the world. No homework, no work calls, nothing. When we were there, there was no stress. Nothing could go wrong.
I miss those days probably more than I should.
This is the first year without her.
This is the first year without doing those things.
How could she just stop loving me because I married nico?
She knew I was bi.
She was one of the only ones who knew.
And yet, did she only pretend to love me for all those years?
How can you not love someone just because of who they love?
Mom, I miss you, but I still can't have you in my life.
