ASTRONOMY | SEUNGJIN

24 - What we had

Seungmin has not been himself ever since. The last few weeks, he has been distant. He would always have sudden outbursts of anger, and he would always isolate himself. Hyunjin understood that and just gave him the space he needed.

Even so, Hyunjin would always check up on him, making sure he was doing fine. He needed to properly grieve, and that took time, a lot of it.

Hyunjin was on his way to Seungmin's house when he recognized a familiar man leaving. "What are you doing here?" Hyunjin asks, not wanting to be rude, but that came out rudely.

"I just had a talk with my son, I'll get going." he soon got in the car and left. Hyunjin immediately went in to check on Seungmin.

"Seung, I saw your father on the way in. Are you alright?" Hyunjin asks, sitting beside the younger. "Yeah, I'm fine. We just needed to talk about... things," his voice sounded hoarse while he was fidgeting with his fingers as he talked.

"What things?" Hyunjin didn't want to be nosy about Seungmin's life, but he was concerned; Seungmin was not acting all right.

"Nothing really, I don't want to talk about it." Hyunjin didn't force it since Seungmin seemed like he really didn't want to talk about it.

"Let's just eat. I'm hungry." Seungmin says, trying to forget what he and his dad had talked about earlier, trying to forget all the shouting, crying, and overthinking. He was too young to be this stressed.

"Seungmin, please understand; you can't live here on your own. Legally, you have to stay with me," his dad says. Stay with him? After all he's done? "I can manage living on my own, but I can't stay with you." Seungmin replies rather bluntly.

"Who will pay for your expenses? All the money is with me. You have no choice; whether you like it or not, you will be staying in Seoul with me."

Seoul? With his new family? No, Seungmin was not going to allow this. He'd rather starve to death with no house or money than be there... but he had no choice, sadly.

He only had the rest of summer before his father brings him to Seoul; he only had few weeks to spend with Hyunjin, and that devastated him. Why must life be so cruel to him?

He doesn't know how to act at the moment. How will he say this to Hyunjin? Will long-distance work? He was too caught up in his thoughts while eating the meal Hyunjin had brought for him.

Hyunjin was the only person who was there for him, and he felt bad about that. Hyunjin deserved better. He had to do something about it, even if it hurt.

He had to go anyway, so breaking up with him would just be the right choice. Hyunjin wouldn't have to keep up with all his mess, and he could just go to Seoul, leaving all the pain here.

"Seung, are you okay?" Hyunjin asks, seeing Seungmin suddenly tear up. He had to say it now because he knew that keeping it in longer would hurt more. He was left with no choice.

"Let's break up."

"What?" Hyunjin had no words, why suddenly out of nowhere?

"I said what I said," Seungmin uttered, trying to look as if he did not care. Maybe if he acted like that, Hyunjin wouldn't see his pain.

"Seung, I know you're going through a lot, but we don't have to do this." Hyunjin was trying to understand where Seungmin was coming from.

"This won't work anymore, we won't work anymore, so let's stop this. Please leave." Seungmin was trying his best to contain his tears while Hyunjin let them all out.

"What did I do wrong? Seung, just tell me, please." Hyunjin begged. Begged for him to stay, begged for them to last, but Seungmin did not change his mind.

As soon as Hyunjin left, Seungmin broke down into tears. He thought he would be numb from pain at this point, but no, this hurt. It hurt so much.

He tried telling himself that it was okay, just like what Hyunjin did when he was at his lowest, but it wasn't the same.

Every day has been miserable. He's been eating less and less each day, pushing away people who cared about him. Hyunjin went back to him every day, trying his best to communicate, but it was no use. Seungmin had left him, and he had to accept that.

All Hyunjin wanted was an explanation, which Seungmin failed to give.

"He still won't talk to me," Jisung says. "It's been two months, Jisung, give up." Minho says. "I can't believe it's been that long, it's still not the same without him." Felix added. They were at the cafe with their usual gathering.

"School is starting soon. I wonder if he'll still ignore you guys in school?" Changbin wanders. "Enough with him, guys, I've heard enough," Hyunjin finally spoke.

In those two months, no one has heard a word from Seungmin, no one has seen him, and no one has been in contact with him.

Just because they broke up doesn't mean that Hyunjin doesn't love him anymore, no. He was trying to move on, but deep inside he still cared. Not a day in those two months where he did not think of Seungmin. Trying to move on was hard.

Today, he finally had the courage to visit Seungmin. The last time he walked in this street was two months ago, the week when he went back every day begging for Seungmin to talk to him. It was painful, but here he was, walking on it again, following the path to Seungmin's house.

It had only been two months but it was already so nostalgic.

"Nanny!" Hyunjin recognizes an elderly woman watering the plants. "Hyunjin, it's been a while. How are you doing?" she asks. "I'm fine.. Um, is Seungmin home?"

The nanny had this unreadable look on her face when she heard what Hyunjin said. "Haven't you heard? Seungmin will be in Seoul with his father. "He moved there half a month ago," she retorted.

"Seungmin moved to Seoul?" Hyunjin couldn't believe what he just heard. Was that the reason he wanted to break up? Because he was... leaving?

"I'll get going. Thank you for letting me know, nanny. See you around," Hyunjin smiled despite the sudden burst of emotions hitting him right now.

"Maybe I was too late, maybe it's really over. No more chances left. I should give up on him, on us, on what we had."