Ever Lost

10

At the altar of the church I poured holy water over the charm, so it'd be blessed by the gods, then the blood. I wasn't sure how it was meant to be applied, but as I poured it over the charm, it infused itself with the charm. Audrey kneeled beside the altar, praying, and I was sure the goddesses would answer to her, but no swifter than I would. Once the blood was all ran up, I tied the charm around her neck. She flinched at my touch, the holy water left on my hands dripped on to her back. If my halo were whole, the water would've dried before my hands left the bowl. I hoped she wouldn't notice.

"She's not back yet." She whispered, fumbling with the locket. She repeated the phrase, her face blank. "She'll return, it'll be fine." I said, trying to reassure her. She shook her head, "When they leave, they never come back." I felt a pit in my stomach, I wanted to reassure her but I somehow it would've felt wrong. Futile, like a lie. I held her in my arms, barely noticing the shadow moving from the doorway of the wall. A figure revealed itself, Süseaynüntüt August, head of the sanctum. She looked on Audrey with caring eyes but when her gaze turned on me, it shown with disapproval. I tightened my grip around Audrey, though she would never say it, she trusted me. She was the only person who did. There was security in our hatred, we knew ourselves well enough that we knew the lines we would and wouldn't cross. In a weird sense, I felt I needed Audrey, who would I be without her wrath to push me forward? Audrey cried into me, she knew I would never speak of this moment to anyone, not even to her. Süseaynüntüt August mouthed to me, aytüt wæksayskwerlül nünotüt jügayvüvi yækoyurüt hækelülo bübekütkæk. It will not give your halo back. I scoffed, turning away from her, denying the words, she was just a saint and even they could be wrong. She came closer, Audrey finally noticed her. "Büblüliskwersüsidüd onüni," she spoke. Blessed one. "You must hurry or you'll miss dinner." Audrey mumbled something in response that brought a smile to her face. Audrey pulled away from me, I realized she hadn't cried, her face was dry and her makeup untouched, maybe comfort was all she needed. "I have to go back, I need to finish getting ready." Audrey said, dusting herself off. She hurried out of the sanctum, leaving me alone with the süseaynüntüt. She looked over me, reading me like a book. Instead of chastising me, she offered me advice. "We haven't abandoned you. You are not yet forsaken füfeskwerlülinün onüni." Fallen one. She said. "You are welcome here, sünyunün."