Ever Lost

29

When I awoke, it was night. Lyan was asleep in his bed, a platter of food on my nightstand beside me and a note which read wake up next time asshole! I almost got written up because of you -_-

I laughed, crumbling up the note and tossed it away along with the food. I wasn't hungry. I was tired, so tired. Hours earlier I had cried my eyes out, and that depression still weighed heavy on my bones. There was. Certain relief but the exhaustion lingered. I pulled myself out of bed and into my bathroom, flipping on the light switch, less than surprised to see Silas seated on the edge of my bathtub. I knew what he was here for. He came to collect my debt.

"Come on Apollo!" Nia giggled, dragging me along. "Hurry, Hurry!"

"I'm coming!" I laughed, chasing after her. She led me through the forest, her favorite place to play. She told me she had found something she wanted me to see and I wasn't enthusiastic to see it but I wanted to make her happy, so I went along with it. Since Nia was born she'd been a light and I wanted to be the best brother to her I could be, so I swallowed up my laziness and found myself running through a forest. She giggled and laughed, "Silas, Silas he's here!" It startled me, I didn't expect him to be here but she loved having all the family she could around, and with mom in Hæsevüvinün and Dad... we had to stick together, if not for ourselves, Silas and I would do it for Nia. We'd do anything for Nia. I saw his red streaked hair in the dark, he crept out the shadows with silver specks in his eyes. She leapt into his arms, and he adjusted her onto his shoulders. "You coming?" He asked. I grinned, "lead the way." He smiled at me approvingly and began walking us through the forest while Nia told us about her classes, she was still getting adjusted to school having only been around angels her whole life, Alluredry was a new experience for her and it was all she wanted to talk about. Silas and I humored her as if we hadn't been going to the school for years. Tell us about the dorms, tell us about the classes, the clubs, everything. She loved that stupid school and it brought light to our eyes to see her enjoy something out of the confines of our mothers paranoia. "We're almost there," Silas said, leading us through a clearing. It was a grove in the forest, Nia had began cheering once we got to it, climbing off my brothers back excitedly. She ran around it gesturing around to everything in it, "look how cool it is!"

"It's pretty neat." I agreed. Silas shrugged, "it's alright." Silas curled his fingers and the natural light of the grove dimmed, the branches of trees covering over it. Small specks began filling the garden like little twinkling scars. Nia gasped, "That's so cool! Show me how you did that?"

"Aht, aht, mom says we aren't allowed to teach you anything." He said, shaking his head. "Not until you're fourteen. "You're so boring, Apollo please?"

"Not gonna happen, Nia." She groaned, "you guys suck!" And ran off playing in a sector of the grove when Silas and I couldn't see her. As long as we could hear her, we knew she'd be fine. It's not like mom didn't have eyes on her at all times anyways. Halo or not, she was still moms angel and she loved infinitely... maybe too much. I sat on the stump of a tree across from Silas. He and I hadn't spoken since mom abandoned him. She shattered his halo beyond repair and he claimed I was her favorite. We disagreed, it was Nia in all honesty, but if it was just the two of us, he may have had a point. The blow out had torn us apart, and left he and I two people in separate worlds. Still, it was always good to see him. "How's mom?" He asked. I shrugged, "same old, same old. She's more protective of Nia now." I replied. He nodded, "that's to be expected." He said. He grew silent, tracing into the mud. "And you?" The question startled me for some reason. I recoiled, "me?"

He shrugged. "Yeah you. What's new with you?"

I chuckled nervously, "Nothing really. Same old, same old."

"Still a suck up?"

"Nah... not anymore." I drawled on. Silas found a stick and started drawing with that. "What changed?"

"You did. What she did to you was wrong.... I guess I didn't want to lose Nia looking to mom for validation, or you." He froze, his eyes wandered momentarily, then he continued drawing. "What happened anyway? "I was looking for was to meet dad. She said it was the highest sin of all, we disagree." He frowned. I sighed, he and I had talked plenty of times over the years about dad. Mom would say I looked like him the most, and Silas like her. I wanted to meet him too, but the dream died with Silas's shattered halo. "And Nia?" He asked. How'd she lose her halo? "You know how." We both grew quiet. Conspiracy against the gods was the highest sin of all. There was no legal system, nothing that stopped them from penalizing any of us the way they chose. Her anger outweighed the love for her children and she struck down Nia too. I was the last of us remaining and even I could feel the clock running up. Silas dropped the stick, "You can still join us," he pleaded. "We aren't doing anything wrong, there's a way-"

"No Silas. I... I can't." I turned away from him. "I won't betray mom like that."

"I thought you said you weren't a suck up anymore?"

"All I have left are her and Nia. I can't lose them, I- it's not worth it. It's not."

"Do you regret it?" He asked, toying with a pocket knife. Everyday. I regret the blade hit her and not you. "Yeah, I do." I considered. The words surprised him. He kicked his feet off the tub and stood, strolling over to me. "Your debts been collected. There's still time to change your mind though."

"What did you do?"

His face twisted angrily, "What did I do? This isn't my fault. None of this is my fault, all of this because of you."

I scoffed, "enlighten me Silas, honestly."

"You killed Nia."

"Nia wouldn't have died if you didn't try to kill me first!" I shouted angrily. His face contorted with sorrow and he looked away from me, "well it doesn't matter now. You won't find her time. She'll die just the same way Nia did."

My eyes widened, I pushed him back, pinning him to the wall with my arm pressed against his neck. He coughed, gasping for air but none entered with my arm blocking his airways. "What did you do?" I repeated. He grinned, laughing at me. "Ineluctabilis. Now you'll have to go." I released him, he fell to the floor sputtering. I backed away from Silas in horror, "you're lying."

"Not one bit." He laughed. "Not at all."