To Be Worthy of You

Chapter 17: Acceptance

We suffer the same amount and kind of grief but at a varying level. So normally the length of time for us to go through denial, acceptance and moving on would vary too. Someone may get over and move on quicker while somebody else is still stuck up to the damnation of pain and denial. Not wanting to leave that darkness, not wanting to move on because there are times that grief gives you the opportunity to be better as it strips you to your core until you regrow your skin and move out to the light again...

XoXo**

"You found who kuya?" Blaze's eyes were searching his. Those gray eyes were so hollow, devoid of anything but at the mention of Iomhe, something else flickered in them.

Was it hope?

"I found Erin's older sister while I was on a conference in Baguio." A thoughtful smile etched on Blake's lips instantly.

Blaze caught it and he leaned closer to his brother, they were currently on the veranda, each holding a glass of brandy.

"I...I... fell for her in an instant brother. It's as if, I was destined to find her..." Blake closed his eyes as he let out a heavy sigh. He remembers her vividly. He remembers the night at the bar. How innocent she looked like seating on a chair like a kid hugging her knees. How she relished on beautiful sights and things. How she took selfies against a beautiful backdrop. How she looked content and peaceful sleeping in his arms. And how she looked so fragile when he left her sleeping that dawn.

Blaze's forehead furrowed watching his brother's face show different emotions. He felt a warm thug on his chest, the same familiar ache he felt towards Erin. With his brother finding Erin's sister, he sees hope at restoring whatever memories they had together. He swallowed a growing lump on his throat and looked straight at his brother's dark gray eyes.

"Do you think she could forgive us?"

Blake met his brother's gaze with a blank, empty stare and then looked away. The words he uttered tore both their hearts.

"We don't have any right to ask her forgiveness if we haven't even forgiven mom yet."

BLAZE

Losing both Dad and mama Anita felt like there's a knife slicing and dicing through my flesh...It was a constant torture to remember them with me in the car, remembering how they looked like when the car settled on the pavement. It was a total nightmare. But, learning that Erin and my unborn child might have also looked like them pierces me to my core, the pain is crippling that it makes me want to just sleep all over again. And hopefully never to wake up. But doing that would just waste the second chance I got to live, a second chance just given to a lucky bastard like me. I normally just sit and think that it just seemed so unfair we'll get to suffer like this though we have suffered so much already as kids. Having a mom like ours? That should have been enough punishment but to carry the burden of what she has done is just not fair...

"Mama, thank you for having us, for believing in us. We would not be able to make it without your hugs, your kisses at night. I might not have been able to survive the ordeal of going to a shrink just to get to fix behaviors I did not know was not right."

"Son, I should be the one thankful. You never hated me because I was considered as your dad's mistress that time you came to know me. I was given the chance to be a mother to two wonderful and handsome boys that eventually grew up to be extremely good looking, talented, kind hearted, well behaved lotharios in no time." She chuckled softly and went on. "I am so lucky to be the one to tuck you in at night, read you stories, kiss and hug you to sleep. I am so honored every time you introduce me to your friends as your mother. I am elated when you hold my hand each time we walk. I am so proud of you both and I am sure that you'd get the right girl."