Part of Your World {A Bungo Stray Dogs fanfic}

The Mind Lies Pt.3

*************TRIGGER WARNING: Depression******************

"Kagami! Kagami, wake up! Are you ok?! Kagami!"

I open my eyes slowly to see Dazai's face inches from mine. He's shaking me aggressively. Feeling groggy, I let my eyes drift around, trying to figure out where I am. I see Creed panting nervously nearby. I see Atsushi a little ways away. I see my gun lying on the ground. 

My gun.

Everything comes flooding back, and I jolt straight up, my eyes wide. I look up at Dazai and tears immediately begin to fill my eyes. I grasp the sides of his face tentatively, questioning whether or not he's actually here. 

"Dazai?" I say through the tears now streaming down my face, "Dazai, is it really you?"

He throws his arms around me in a tight embrace, nuzzling his face into my neck and whispering, "Yes. It's me. I'm here now." 

Then, pulling back and holding my shoulders tight he adds, "Don't scare me like that! I thought you were dead!"

"I was," I state in a low voice, my eyebrows furrowed. I place my hands on my heart in confusion. Sure enough, it is beating. I'm alive...but how?

"What do you mean?" Dazai is just as confused as I am.

"I-You-I found all of you...dead," I begin slowly looking around, "You were all lying there.. and I- I didn't want to be here without you, so..." My sentence trails off, too afraid to say it out loud. Instead, I take my hand and motion a gun to my head. Dazai understands what I'm trying to say. As I bring my hand up to my temple, I suddenly realize a sharp pain in my wrist. I look down, quizzically, searching for the source of the pain. There I discover... bite marks? There's blood dripping slowly down my arm from a symmetrical set of painful impressions. 

Did Creed... bite me?

While I'm still studying the marks on my arm, Dazai seems to come to some conclusion about what happened here- a conclusion that, as of right now, is unattainable to my foggy brain. Dazai begins pulling me onto my feet gently.

"Come on, let's go," he says.

"What, where are we going? Is everything over?"

"Yes, everything worked out just like we planned. Now let's just get you home okay?" Dazai is looking at me, but not how he usually looks at me. There's something hiding behind his thoughtful eyes. He looks sad for some reason. I slowly get back to my feet, leaning heavily on Dazai for support. I go to pick up my gun, but Creed steps on top of it, whining and growling in my face. I jump back. He's never done that before...

"It's okay bud, I got it," Dazai says, bending down to pick up the gun instead. Creed immediately relaxes and moves out of the way for him.

That's weird... I'm kind of hurt not going to lie...

Dazai slips the gun into his waistband and tucks his shirt on top of it. He then wraps his coat around my shoulders and attentively holds his arm around my lower back as we walk to my apartment. There was nothing but stiff silence between us the whole way home. It hurt my heart, but I didn't know what to say. In fact, I didn't even know how to feel. It's like the whole world is at a standstill. Everything is so...quiet. My mind is numb. I don't even notice that we've already arrived at my front door. My hand rustles clumsily through the contents of my pocket, searching for my key. Dazai notices the tremors and takes the key from me, unlocking the door with steady hands. 

"I'm gonna go shower," I say in a monotone voice, devoid of emotion.

Dazai just nods his head. I move to the bathroom and close the door, but I leave it unlocked just in case. What I don't know is that Dazai sits on the ground right outside the door, his back pressed against the hard surface. He sits there with his head in his hands and his jaw clenched tight with worry. Creed sits beside him, his stance rigid and alert. They both listen intently for any sign of distress that may come from inside the bathroom. 

I turn on the water and slide the shower curtain closed. I pull the elastic out of my tangled mass of matted hair. Then I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror... and I break down. I'm completely unrecognizable. The dam of my mind which has been straining all day finally crumbles down and the waters come flooding in. I stumble backward into the corner and slide down the wall, caught in complete despair. I shrink down into the corner, making my body as small as possible. I pull my legs tight into my chest. I sit there in that ball in the corner, with the shower running uselessly, for I don't even know how long. Eventually, I lose myself in the monotonous sound of the hot stream filling my ears.

After about an hour and a half, the waiting becomes too much for Dazai.

"Kagami? Kagami, I'm coming in!" He calls to me from beyond the door and then barges in. There he finds a scared little girl, crying in the corner. He's never seen Kagami look so small. Dazai moves to the shower and turns off the water which he realizes hasn't even been used. He then moves quietly over to my tense figure and gently picks me up from the ground. He places me on top of the counter and slowly pushes my chin up to face him. I can't look him in the eye. Without a word, Dazai digs through my cabinets to find bandages and begins cleaning my wounds. He cleans my face and brushes my hair softly. He then moves on to my wrist.

"Dazai, what happened to me?" I whisper as I watch him wrap my arm.

"Remember how I told you about Q?"

I nod.

"The guild took advantage of his power and connected it to every plant in Yokohama. In the process of completing your mission, you must have accidentally stepped on a plant somewhere or something, allowing him to get into your mind."

"But it was so real..."

"I know, I know." He says comfortingly. "Everything you saw was just in your head, but it makes you do very real things. My guess is that when you went for your gun, Creed took matters into his own hands, or paws, I guess."

"Creed saved me." The realization of what actually happened finally dawns on me. "I always knew he was a good boy."

Dazai laughs saying, "Looks like we've got an eavesdropper."

I look over to the door and see a certain someone's tail wagging in the doorway. I can't help but giggle too. I look back at Dazai saying, "So... It was all in my head?"

Dazai taps a finger on my temple, "Yep, it was all up here."

Tears prick the corners of my eyes, happy tears this time, and a smile breaks out across my tear-stained face. "I'm glad. I don't know what I'd do without you guys."

Well... I guess technically I do know now...