To Let it All go Down in Flames - jegulus/starchaser

Heartbeat's Hidden Truth (reg pov)

-

i just want go get out thare b/c its been in my head recently that i am not a romantic person i dont do romance irl and think i might be on the ace spectrum but you dont really care about that i just think it kind of starts to show so i just wanted to get that out thare before we get into the more romance aspects of this fic.

tw: mentions of crappy familly a little but nothing more then that

anyways here is your jegulus chapter finally.

-

It was raining, cold, dry rain. The wind howled in the air, making the trees hiss with the blowing leaves. Perfect conditions for flying, right? It was more of a test than for fun to see what the weather and conditions could be for me to catch the snitch. The rain tasted of sweet, sweet, Earth. I felt calm, felt nice, felt free, but it always made me feel free. There are still patches of snow on the ground from that past week, the rain was slowly turning the snow into slash until it melted away.

I never expected to see anyone outside on a day with such harsh conditions. Never expect to see anyone out that early either. But James Potter wasn't just anyone. It was complicated and confusing and terrifying, but something about him was just.... Mesmerizing. I tried to hate him, i tried so hard. Wanted to have really, really wanted to. And make everything easier. Make both of our lives so much easier. I tried not to think about what my parents would say if they ever figured out that I fancied James Potter of all people. I try not to think about Sirius I also tried not to think about James but there's just something about him. Something intoxicating.

The odd part was that James was leaning on the railing of the Slytherin stands. Not the Gryffindor ones. A small act that seemed so consequential James Potter hated Slytherin, James Potter hated everything about Slytherin he thought us evil, vile, death eaters, who loved killing people. But he stood in the Slytherin stands. Maybe that should have been the first warning sign that something was wrong. Maybe that should have been the first red flag. Maybe that's when I should have noticed that he was Different. His smile, though sometimes fake, and force, seemed hollow. Not even hollow. It was just gone. James Potter, had never not smiled a day in his life. Even when he hated everything that was happening around him, he put on that smile and tried to make other people feel better, to try to make other people have that perfect day that he was missing out on. So why was he not smiling now? Again. Such a small thing, it should have been such a warning sign something I should have picked up on, but I was never as great at picking up on those things as he was.

At first, I didn't notice him. I just kept trying to find the snitch but when I did finally notice the only other person on the pitch, I actually did try and catch the snitch instead of just flying around. That would have bugged me if it was still flying around, if I went to go talk to James and it was still lingering. So, I cought it and stuffed it into my pocket, then landed on the slytherin stands.

There was no feeling on his face, there was nothing, it seemed hollow, empty, very un-James Potter like. Don't think anyone has ever seen him like this. I don't know if he's ever been like this. "It's raining." That's the thing I decided to say, point out the obvious, I didn't really know what else to do. Hi didn't feel appropriate when he was so clearly upset about something. No, not upset. Blank. As if the essence of James Potter just was gone. "Yes it is" his voice was gone as well replaced by a numb shell of James Potter. He seemed oddly relieved by my presence. I still didn't know what to say I sure as hell wasn't going to tell him to cheer up and be happy, he is allowed to have bad days and moments even if he didn't know that yet.

"Why are you out here then?" I asked, moving to the railing, then leaning on it next to him, staring into the growing storm of the cloudy, gray day. Just the kind of weather I liked; the weather James Potter hated. He just looked at me water dripping on to his nose from his hair. Couldn't really tell what that look on his face meant or what was in his eye at that time, but it was more than empty. There was something there. That's something was intangible. But it was there. It was there. I knew it was there. I could see it. I tried so hard to ignore it, but there was something in it, something in James Potter's eyes right then.