To Let it All go Down in Flames - jegulus/starchaser

Summertime Sadness part two

"Oh, my God, I feel it in the air
Telephone wires above are sizzlin' like a snare
Honey, I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere
Nothin' scares me anymore
(One, two, three, four)"

(sirius)

The voices were screaming at the potters. They hated me, the voices not the potters, well maybe James hates me I can't tell anymore. Every time he looked at me (that is giving he looked at me not over my shoulder or next to me) his eyes seemed to glaze over in thought like he was debating with himself every time he spoke. I wanted to get better with him, but I was beginning to doubt I could.

I wanted to talk to my brother, he felt like the only one who would get it, but I thought writing to him would be too risky and I didn't want him getting hurt if they found out. But I needed to talk to someone a year ago that someone would be James, but he seemed to have fallen through. I could talk to Fleamont but he didn't seem like the type to come with this sort of stuff too. I thought about Uncle Alfred, but he was too busy with work. I had only seen him twice since running away almost a year ago on the dot. I thought about writing Anddy but not having spoken to her yet, I wanted to avoid that can of worms.

So that is how I came to Effie. She was the mother I never had, my confidant, my savior, it only felt right coming to her with this if not regulus. So, after working up the courage all night I came down stairs to her making breakfast –she loved cooking- I sat down on the stool next to where she was cooking. She turned with a wide smile "hey sweaty breakfast will be ready in a minute you, okay?"

"Yeah." I don't know why the lie came out faster than the truth.

But she saw through it as the potters so often did "wats wring?" she asked her smile fading a bit but still there, the potters always smile.

I sighed not saying anything to her I haven't already said to reg "I think I fucked up with the prank."

"Think?"

"Know."

A small smirked played on her face making her look more and more like James "and you're looking to make it better, but James can't look in your direction."

I sighed "yes I mean me, and peter were cool but James and moons-"

"-will be a lot harder."

"Yes."

She shrugged cutting some vegetables while I fidgeted with a string on my pants "start small have one conversation."

"that's easier said than done"

She laughed slightly "I know it is but try that's all you can do."

"And if trying's not enough?"

"It was with regulus, wasn't it?" I smiled letting the new regulus wash over my memory, he had changed almost as much as James had. He was better, happier than he was after the beginning of the year I was scared I hurt him, though the thought still keeps me up at night thinking about him alone and what they could be doing to him. It always hit a spot I had no idea was there. "You know about that?" I asked.

"Minnie told me."

I laughed "Minnie knows?"

"Poppy told her."

"Who?"

"Pomfrey." I we both dissolved in weak laughter at the thought or at least I did I think she only laughed because I was. The three of them making a little group made a lot of since they fit in an odd way. If miss lupin liked magic more through her in as well, make them a club. I looked up to the kind women and said in a voice quite then a whisper "thank you."