Rigby O'connell |BE

33

Song; if i could i would feel nothing

Good morning.
I woke up with hazel on my side.
I realized that she really is a friend, like a best friend.
We kind of forgot about the time.
It's already afternoon.
We slept forever.

She was stil sleepy.
Not me tho, i was hella hungry.
I could smell mom's vegan waffles and i could hear Billie talk.
I wanted to talk to her because she was kinda mad yesterday.
I got out bed and walked out my room.

"Hey"
"Morning sweetie, slept wel?" Mom asked.
I did, but I wanted Billie to say something..

"Uh huh"
Billie looked kinda mad.
"Billie? Are you mad" i asked

"Does it look like I'm not?"
"No.."
"Great you know my fucking answer!" She said as she stormed out the kitchen.
I hate it when Billie's mad.
It makes me feel weak.
She has an weird power over people.
Good power, most of the time but when she's mad...
She is mad mad!

I decided to just let it be,
Hazel is here and I don't want to make it akward.
I went back to my room.
Hazel was still sleeping.
I decided to wake her up.
Not to be mean but i want her to leave so i can talk to Billie about this crap.

"My mom made waffles" i said
She immediately woke up.
"Waffles?!"
"Yupp, come on"
She got out bed and fixed her hair.

We ate our waffles and hazel left.
Here i am.
In my room alone sad and miserable.
I posted a picture yesterday.
Loads of hate comments.

"She is just tryna be like Billie lmao"

"I tought the blue was cool but it was just a way to look like Billie i guess"

"Lol dupe lmao"

I cried
So hard.

I don't even know why i care.
I don't even know these people.
It just hits.

I'm listening to if i could i would feel nothing.

Its all good i wanna die :)

I know Billie can hear me, i want her to hear me.
I'm sad and i want her to care about it.
I want her to come in my room and ask "you good?"

I made a picture of myself in my now blue colored room because of the lights.

Eyes are puffy.

"Y'all are evil istg bro"
Posted on my story.
Fuck them all man.

My eyes are getting heavy.
I have to close them.
My sad playlist is playing, it's kinda calm.

World is cold and life's not fair.....

I fell asleep.
Didn't dream lucky me.
I felt arms around me.

I turned around and i was facing Billie.
She was on her phone.

"Hi..." she said quiet.
"Hey?" I said with my still sleepy voice.
It was a big suprise seeing Billie in my bed.
I'm to tired to talk to her.
I close my eyes again.
Thoughts raising thru my brain.
"You're not good enough,"
Is the biggest one.
And i know.

I hate life.

"What's wrong?" Billie asked the moment I started crying.
"Nothing"

I'm crying softly.
Trying to be quiet, really quiet.
I don't want to talk about it I'm too tired.
"Don't lie" she said as she trew her phone away.
"Talk to me bro"
No.
No.
No.

"OKAY WELL EVERYONE HATES ME FUCK" i screamed.
Turned my back to her and cried hysterically.
"Another lie, not everyone, i love you"
Uh huh.
"Fuck, telling me to quit lying while you're lying too."