Stars Around Her Scars (Friend Series #1) | ✓

Chapter 22

Anastasia's POV
 
                "Class we're having a surprise quiz, prepare yourselves with paper and ballpen." the teacher suddenly announced and I heard complains in the room.

Well I can relate to them though, who would like to answer a surprise quiz ng hindi alam kung anong lesson at saan dun ang tungkol sa quiz.

I immediately prepare myself. A determined heart, mind and soul.

Everyone was silent throughout the whole class session. Maybe because nahihirapan sila sa quiz or baka sadyang seryoso lang sila.

I am aware of this topic since it was discussed last week ago. I can still remember the details though.

We did the checking and I smirked at Xaven when I got perfect score.

He scoffs in disbelief when he got 3 mistakes. Poor him.

Bumilat ako sa kanya at tinarayan niya lang ako. I chuckled.

Even though we are a couple, hindi ko yun hinahayaan na magpatalo sa kanya sa mga quizzes at test.

I worked hard to earn this position and I can't just let love get on the way of having high grades.

Xaven doesn't mind though. He keeps his usual self everytime when he is with me, yun nga lang medj clingy. But I still adore him.

Mahal ko eh.

Nagulat kaming lahat ng makaroon ng biglaang recitation sa sumunod na subject. Nalahat kami nagpanic ng binunot ni ma'am ang index cards.

Ang mahiwagang index cards.

She started to shuffle the cards at bumunot ng isa.

"Felicen, Kevin Nash."

"Drop one of the disciples of social science and describe it."

"Demography. It is the study of populations and population changes and trends, using resources such as statistics of births, deaths and disease."

Tumango si ma'am sa sagot niya at pinaupo.

"Cabugawan, Mia."

"What is personal development." napabuga siya ng malalim. It was easy!

"Evaluating one's own thoughts, feelings and behaviors."  aniya.

Umupo siya at napa 'yes'.

"Anagap, Elessa Mae."

"What are the 4 types of probability in statistics?"

"Classical, Empirical, Subjective and Axiomatic."

The teacher nodded to her answer.

"Javez, Anastasia Delancy."

kinakabahan akong tumayo.

"How do you understand culture, society and politics?" my heart sank.

We didn't discussed that topic yet!

Yung ibang kaklase ko is mabilisang nakasagot since tapos na yung itopic. Hindi ako pwede umasa sa stock knowledge baka magkamali ako ng masagot.

I can't answer by just dropping it's meaning, may mga terms pa yan na nagpapatunay sa topic. I will just embarrass myself if I describe it's basic meaning.

I've been standing for 5 minutes thinking kung ano ba ang understanding culture, society and politics. I am thinking if napagaralan ba namin yun in grade 11.

Everyone was dead silent.

Sweat was starting to form in my forehead. Tngina walang pumapasok sa isip ko.

My brain is blocked.

I glanced at Xaven and he is looking at me worriedly.

"Miss Javez? May isasagot ka ba?" medj naiinis na sabi ni ma'am.

"W-wala po..." naka yukong sabi ko, I don't wanna show them my tears.

"You may sit down."

Umupo ako habang nakayuko, my hair was covering my face kaya hindi nila makikita ang mga luha ko.

"Allejo, Xaven Vior. How do you understand the culture, society and politics."

"Understanding Culture, Society and Politics it uses multidisciplinal insights from anthropology, political science and sociology." he confidely answered.

"Very good."

Tears we're flowing down my cheeks at pinipigilan ko na suminghot.

Tngina yun lang pala, how come I didn't think of that?! Why did my brain suddenly went blank?! It was easy and yet hindi ko masagot.

If alam ni Xaven bat hindi ko alam? Did he advance study? Stock knowledge? How did he answered it as if matagal na niyang alam yun?!

After her class dismiss agad akong tumayo habang nakayuko ang ulo. I want fresh air.

I was running outside with blurry eyes due to my tears. Students we're looking at me but I have no time para pansinin pa yun.

I flinched when someone grabbed me by the arm.

Xaven.

He turned me around to see my face and when he saw that I was crying he immediately hugged me.

I burst my tears on his shoulder and he keep on caressing my hair, pinapatahan ako.

I tried to stop my tears from flowing but Xaven stopped me from doing so.

"Hey it's okay, you can cry. If you want to cry, then cry. Crying is okay."

"You are so strong. But if ever that yourself wants to cry, let her be okay? hindi sa lahat ng panahon ay kaya mo. nasasaktan ka rin kahit natuturuan mo na ang sarili mong maging matatag."  he softly said.

At mas lalo akong naiyak sa sinabi niya.

Sometimes I felt guilty. I see Xaven as a competitor even though he see me as his lover.

I was never actually smart nor those who are 'effortlessly smart'. I need to spent hours studying for me to learned the lessons. I don't have any talents either that I can say I'm good at.   

I need to push myself to be good at it, to go more futher than what I think I can even it means losing myself in the way.

I desperately try everything so that I can fit in the midst of the crowd and to be noticed. I lived under the appraisals of others expectations but drown myself just to please them.

I pour all my passion and attention into academics, thinking that in this way I can prove myself to anyone. To be heard and look back.

People would praise me for being smart but actually just like them I am a mediocre. The difference is that I drown myself to get that spotlight knowing that it will never remain.

Seeing them answering so effortlessly while I am stuck there thinking how the fuck they are able to get it so fast while I need to spent hours understanding it. 

Trying new hobbies but turns out that I'll never be the best of it but just a mediocre.

All I ever wanted is to just to be smart and to have a talent in something that I could say 'magaling ako diyan'.

To finally prove myself to dad. To show him that I am smart and worth his attention.

But as it turned out all I did was to try.

I do and tried a lot of things but I'm stuck being a mediocre in everything. It sucks up big time. Trying to fit in knowing you will just drown yourself in the very end.

Jack of all trades master of none.

Like a feeling of being lost among it all. With potential for greatness and potential for mediocrity.

I hate it.

_____________________________

hi po about po sa recitation ng HUMSS students if may mali po akong naisulat kindly tell me po, I am not a student under HUMSS strand kaya I did a proper research po muna.

If may mali po akong nabanggit kindly tell me lang po. Thank you!