Crisis of Faith

2

Finnick's eyes fluttered open, and squinted immediately at the harsh, yellow lighting. He instantly felt heavy. His heart, his head, and his eyes. It was a struggle to keep any of them up and moving like they were meant to be.

For a moment he couldn't remember what happened after the Quarter Quell. Then, the memories came flooding back to him. Peeta was gone. So was Johanna and Mags, and so were Annie and Kaianna. He had somehow let everyone down at once.

The man wiped one of his dry, calloused hands over his face, trying to wipe the exhaustion, and hurt away completely. His legs weakly swung so he was sat up on the side of the white bed, and his eyes stared blankly at the yellow wall in front of him. He failed. The one job he had, and he failed completely. He was a mess.

"Finnick."

Finnick didn't need to look up to know it was Katniss, and he didn't want to. How could he, when he failed her? He failed himself too. Finnick stared at his hospital bands, fiddling with them to try and block out the anger, and betrayal seeping through her tone.

"I tried to go back for Peeta, and the others," He mumbled numbly, "I- I couldn't move."

His eyes finally soaked up enough courage to meet Katniss's. He silently pleaded for her to say something, or even walk away so the conversation could just end there but, nothing happened. So, he was forced to continue.

"They have Annie too, and Mags," Finnick's voice wavered slightly, his broken self truly shining through. For the past two weeks he had been cooped up in that hospital room. Slowly getting weaker, and slowly getting more and more lost in every dark thought running in his head. He felt like he was decaying. Quietly wasting away. He hoped he was, "they took them both. They're uh- they're all in the capitol."

He pulled one of the straps that used to bind him to the bed tightly, having been untied days ago. He didn't need to be bound anymore. He had stopped trying to move almost a week ago, "I wish they were dead. I wish they were all dead, and we were too."

Katniss's expression of stone, faltered slightly at his words. Deep down the girl knew it wasn't his fault. She knew that he couldn't have changed the sequence of events, even if he tried his best. He did try his best. She understood that completely but, it didn't make her less angry, and he was right in front of her, perfectly willing to take the blame.

"I'm not supposed to be here," She growled, "Peeta, is supposed to be here. Peeta, was supposed to make it out-"

"Everyone was supposed to make it out," Finnick snapped, "I couldn't save them! Katniss I could save any of them, and I'm so sorry."

He let out a weak sniffle.

"It wasn't just you," Katniss said firmly. She could've broken at the sight of him, if she wasn't so busy trying to hold herself together, "Haymitch promised me, that he'd save Peeta."

"And I told Kaianna I wouldn't leave her behind," He shrugged weakly, "I guess we should all stop promising anything."

Katniss silently took a seat next to her former ally after he let out a broken chuckle. She laid her head on his shoulder, in her small attempt to comfort him.

"I'm sorry," She whispered, choking down the sob that was scratching her throat, "I shouldn't have shot that arrow. Maybe if-"

"There's no room for that," Finnick interrupted Katniss gently, "you can't take it back. Besides, whether we like it or not, it's what needed to be done. I just wish we could've got them out in time. I don't even know where I would've looked."

The pair sat in a surprisingly comfortable silence. There was a sudden need to cling to each other, that was settling between both of them. In a way, they had no one else. Of course Katniss still had her family. Her sister, mother, and even Gale but, there was no longer anyone who understood everything she's been through. Not like Finnick.