The Love I Need

Chapter 18

Cal's warning repeats in my mind throughout the day. Did he mean he didn't want me to fuck Theo? Why did he say "fuck with" then? Was it a warning to me, because he's worried what Theo might do to me? Or, was it a warning given to me, to keep Theo safe?

I spend the morning avoiding Cal's family in their own home. I keep myself tucked away in the spare room, wrapped in the large towel Cal hung on the outside of the bathroom door before he left.

I must have dozed off a couple of times, or perhaps I merely escaped reality for a little bit, because hours passed, and I didn't do a thing worth remembering during them.

How long has he been gone for?

How am I back in the same place I was all those years ago, just doing nothing with my life while I wait for him to return from yet another run?

At least this time he's actually running...

My stomach growls, telling me he's been gone quite awhile. So much for going out together for breakfast.

I get off the bed and unwrap the towel to get dressed for the day. I should probably ask April if I can use their washing machine. I didn't take many outfits with me when I left home, and the cash Adam shoved in my hands only got me so far between hotel rooms and cab rides.

I glance at where my phone is resting on the bedside table.

I could call him. He'd send me more money. I could call Vee too, but she had been zero help the last time I called her.

"Are you sure that's how it happened, Emilia? You've been known to send mixed signals..."

The memory of her words causes a deep ache in my chest. I should have known she'd side with him. She had known him longer. He had been a more essential member of the group. I was just the girl who showed up with their new recruit one day, and then stuck around long after he moved on. Vee might have left the life behind, but the guys were still her family. They were Pops' boys. I was just the girl who caused problems and "sent mixed signals".

There's a knock on my door, and I say the words, "Come in," without thinking about it.

Cal steps into the room and freezes.

My eyes run over his flushed skin, which is shining with a layer of sweat. If I didn't know better, I'd think he had just been vigorously fucking his wife, but I suppose going for a run can do that to a man's body too.

"You're finally back," I speak once I've looked him over from head to toe.

Cal swallows, causing his Adam's apple to bob. "You're naked," he replies. His eyes begin to move down, then whip up to meet my eyes again. "Shit!" He steps out of the room again, slamming the door behind him.

I smirk at the closed door. He may have moved on to a curvy, tall woman, but I guess my thin, short body still does it for him.

I look down at myself with a confident little shimmy, and my eyes land on the scar on my abdomen. My smirk fades.

I lightly run my fingers over the marred skin, feeling grateful that Cal ran from the room before his eyes could fully travel down my body. I'm not ready to have that conversation with him. I don't think I ever will be. What would be the point anyway? What would I even say?

Hey, remember how you never wanted kids with me? Well we almost had one. No worries though, my body shut that shit down. It almost killed me in the process, and you wouldn't answer your phone while I was in the hospital recovering from surgery, but it's all good... At least we can be grateful to Adam for splitting us up, so that you could end up with the perfect life.