The Love I Need

Chapter 75

"It feels so good to hold you, baby."

He's never called me "baby" before. It's been "Princess" since the first time he said it to me for being such a brat. I don't mind the use of the new petname... but I sure miss being his princess. But then, the last time he called me that, I had screamed at him and left him crying at the side of the road... so maybe he has a good reason for avoiding the nickname now.

I can almost still feel his arms wrapped around me while his words replay in my mind. I'm staring out the front window as if his truck and trailer might come back into view at any minute. As if he'll throw the door open and come running to find me and demand that I give him the kiss we both know that I'm dying for.

I don't want him to leave. I don't want to have distance between us. Sleeping in the house next door instead of in his arms has been hard enough for me, and now he's driving across the damn province.

But he was right. I am the one that created this distance between us. And for good reasons! I just have to remind myself what those reasons were...

You're not what he wants.
You can't give him the life that he deserves.
He's hurting now but he's going to be better off without you.

Maybe more distance is exactly what we need. Some space to grow apart.

I can hear quiet sounds coming from the kitchen—the clank of a utensil connecting with a bowl, the bubbling of the coffee maker. Cal's awake early again, and I'm glad that I let myself in without making any noise. I need some time to sit by myself for a while, and I don't think that Cal is happy with me after last night. He didn't explicitly tell me that, but he didn't have to.

I sent him a text to let him know that I would be staying at Trevor's. I knew I didn't have to but I didn't want Cal to worry if I didn't come home. Shortly after, I watched as the ellipsis that indicated a reply was being written appeared, only to disappear and then reappear again in a continuous loop. Eventually, a two-letter answer came through: "Ok".

Now that I'm home, I'll likely get the real reply that he had been thinking of sending me.

"I'm worried about him driving all that way. He hasn't been sleeping." April's voice sounds from the kitchen, making me aware that it's not just Cal who is awake at this early hour.

"A little late for that now, April," Cal answers her. "He's already on his way. Besides, this is Theo we're talking about. He'll be fine. He wouldn't drive if he didn't know that he was good."

"Maybe not normally but things have been far from normal lately," April points out, sounding anything but reassured by Cal's reasoning. "He forgot Meg's birthday last Sunday, Cal," she adds on as if that information changes everything. "She had to remind him."

"So?" Cal counters, and without being able to see him I know that he shrugged while saying it. "I didn't know it was her birthday either."

"You know that's different. It'd be like you forgetting Emilia's birthday."

"Her birthday is Christmas day. How could anyone forget that?"

April lets out a frustrated sound. "You know what I mean, Cal! Also, at the potluck, he literally turned and walked away while Megan was talking to him. It was like he didn't even see her. That is not like him at all."

He also flicked the butt from his cigarette into his lawn this morning instead of using an ashtray... A sure sign that he is not himself.

Cal takes a little longer to reply before offering, "Well... Megan is kind of annoying sometimes."