The Love I Need

Chapter 19

Getting out of that house and away from Cal and his precious, safe family is exactly what I needed. I feel like I'm finally able to breathe again. I had sort of gotten used to being alone during the couple of weeks I spent looking for Cal. At the time, I hadn't appreciated it, but now that I'm stuck in a house, surrounded by Cal's new life, I long for my own space.

Maybe I should just leave.

The idea sounds momentarily tempting, but then I remember Cal's quiet voice asking me to not disappear.

It's not like I owe him anything, and he'd clearly be fine without me...

But the idea of walking away from him, after finally having him in my life again, makes my heart ache.

Your heart aches when you're around him too, you dumb bitch.

True, but that's a different kind of ache, and a piece of me keeps whispering to my aching heart that we might still have a chance.

After all, I found him back. Why would life bring me back to him if we weren't meant to be?

And then there's the other facts: He got pissed at the idea of Theo and I sleeping together. He has to keep himself away from me whenever my clothes aren't on. According to Emily, he was arguing with April before I left the house.

His marriage might not be as perfect as it first seemed. The guy ended up in rehab a week after saying his vows! That can't be a good sign... for April. It definitely seems like a good sign for me.

My thoughts screech to a halt.

Did I just tell myself that Cal ending up in rehab, after being clean for a year, was a good thing for me?

Who the hell am I?

I don't know the answer to that question. I've been letting my love and need for Cal run my life for far too long. I don't know who I am without it... But it seems I don't know who I am with it, either.

My stomach grumbles as I walk along the edge of the road to head back to Cal's house.

I've lost track of time while wandering around town, but I know I've been out for a few hours now. I wish I had thought to bring a bit of cash to get a muffin or something, but my mind had only been focusing on getting the hell out of there when Cal kept going on and on about parenting.

I also wish I had taken the time to find the mechanic shop Cal mentioned, so that I could have gotten him to pick me up. My feet are aching. I only slept for a few hours last night, and my body is running on half an egg and a glass of water. I should have started walking back hours ago, but I hadn't been ready to face reality.

Now, reality is biting me in the ass, as my hunger and aching feet make each slow step feel more difficult.

I hear a vehicle approaching and move off the road to give them more space. As forlorn as my life feels, I'd rather not become roadkill if this driver isn't paying attention.

From the corner of my eye, I see a large truck coming up behind me. Rather than drive past me, it slows down, and the gravel crunches as its wheels move off the paved road onto the stone shoulder behind me.

I move onto the grass as my heart begins to pound anxiously in my chest. What the hell are they stopping for?

I don't want to stick around to find out. I pick up my pace, hoping they'll drive off if I don't give them any attention, but it's of no use.

The truck continues driving behind me at a snail's pace. Whoever is behind the wheel doesn't seem to care that I'm not interested in talking.

"Hey Princess," a deep voice calls after me, "You running again?"