The Love I Need

Chapter 83

The drinks went down easily and felt good... until they didn't.

I crossed the line of having one too many drinks a few drinks before Trevor showed up. By then, I was already too drunk to pretend I was okay. I started to cry the second he said hi to me and when he worriedly asked me what was wrong I only cried harder.

I wanted to tell him. Well, not him in particular but someone. Just to get it off my chest. But I couldn't do that to Cal. It was his news to tell, or not to tell, and even in my drunken state, I knew I didn't want to be the beginning of all the rumours that will surely spread around town once word gets out.

Trevor convinced me to let him drive me home from the pub but I couldn't make myself walk through the front door. Instead, I once again ended up on the porch swing, making a phone call to the only person I wanted to talk to more than anything.

Pick up, pick up, pick up.

The call goes to voicemail, and I whisper his name into the phone with a pathetic sniffle. "Theo..."

Fuck, what am I doing?

Before I can foolishly say anything else, I hang up the phone and drop it into my lap.

He's going to have a hard enough time being there for April and Emily through this, not to mention himself. He loves Cal. He was the one who took Cal in and helped him get sober when Cal was a mere stranger to his family. They're friends, brothers, and if it weren't for me, Justin would have never found us and filled Cal's head with all this bullshit.

Fucking Justin.

I grab my phone out of my lap again and look up his number to unblock it. I don't know what I plan to say to him. Maybe I'll scream at him, or maybe I'll ask him to come set Cal straight. I know he was only talking shit and guilting Cal when he was here because he was hurt. I wasn't any better when I first got here. But I know Justin. He didn't mean any of it. He wouldn't want this either.

Once again, my call only brings me to voicemail.

I curse at my phone, clutching it tightly in my hand to keep myself from throwing it to the ground.

"Where the fuck are you, Just?" I snarl my message. "You've really done it this time. Why don't you ever fucking think before you speak? Why—"

Fuck.

I see April coming toward me and quickly hang up my phone. Unfortunately, I don't hang up my attitude with it.

"How can you let him do this?" I snap at her. "You were supposed to be taking care of him!"

April pauses on her way up the stairs but then straightens her back and continues toward me. "You doing okay, Emilia?" She hands me a bottle of water.

I toss the bottle onto the porch floor. "You know you can't fuck him when he's in prison, right? So then what are you going to do? We both know how much you like cock. Do you already have someone else lined up?"

Her eyes immediately fill with tears. She turns back around to leave and my insides twist up into guilty knots. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Fuck, April, I'm sorry!" I get up from the swing to move down the steps after her. "I didn't mean it."

She stops walking to reply, "It's okay. You're upset. You're drunk."

"It's not okay," I deny, "None of this is okay."

She turns around to face me while she nods in agreement and reaches into her pocket to pull out a key. She extends her hand toward me to hand it over. "Sleep it off, Emilia."