The Love I Need

Chapter 25

Cal doesn't push for a response and I'm thankful for that because I don't know what there is to say. He continues to hold me close and begins to slightly sway our bodies back and forth. The calming effect it has on me is indescribable. I've missed the safety I feel while wrapped in his arms—like I'm untouchable. I haven't felt this way since he disappeared from my life.

And I certainly haven't remained untouched.

"Emy?" He says my name softly, and I feel the side of his finger stroke against the bottom of my chin. When I tilt my head back to look at him, he brushes a piece of my hair back. "Why are you crying?"

Oh fuck. When did that happen?

I wipe at my traitorous eyes and wet cheeks while I take a step back from him. "I don't know, Cal. You're not the only one whose head is all fucked up from this." The words come out with an angry tone, and I start to turn away from him, but I don't get very far.

"Come 'ere." He pulls me into his chest again and gives me a tight squeeze, and my tears begin to fall more freely.

"You can talk to me, you know," he offers quietly. "Whatever happened, Emy, you can tell me."

I shake my head. "I don't even know what you're talking about. I'm just tired. This is all a lot to process."

"Yeah, it is, but that's not why you're crying. You can't bullshit a bullshitter, Emy. I know something—"

I slap my hands against his chest to get him to stop talking and push myself back from his embrace. "Leave it alone, Cal!"

"Emy."

He tries to pull me against him again, but I keep my feet firmly in place.

"No, Cal! You refused to talk about your shit the entire time we were together, and now that we're not, you expect me to spill my guts about all of mine? That's not how it works!"

He stares at me with a pained expression. "So I am right... Something did happen."

I glare at him and turn away to walk back into the house.

"Emy, wait, I wanted to ask you something."

"What, Cal?" I mutter without turning back to look at him.

"Can you come with me tomorrow? There's someplace I want to bring you."

"Okay."

I walk back into the house and head straight upstairs to the guest room. I've reached my talking limit for the day. Probably for the week, actually. I don't know why I agreed so easily to go with Cal who-knows-where tomorrow, but apparently I'll still do just about anything he asks me to.

Anything but admit to him what happened after he left me.

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I hadn't meant to fall asleep, but that's exactly what happened.

I stretch out in the lonely bed, in search of a warm body to press against, but of course, there isn't one to find. Neither Cal nor Justin sleep next to me anymore.

Justin.

I'm used to the pain that comes when I think about Cal, but the pain surrounding Justin's name is still so fresh.

I didn't love him. I never felt safe with him the way that I felt safe with Cal. But he was still my friend. He took care of me, in a way, and I took care of him. How did that turn to shit so suddenly?

Maybe Vee hadn't been completely off base when she told me I had a way of sending mixed signals...

Damnit. I need a cigarette.