Baudelaires and a White

Chapter Twenty-Five

The Anxious Clown restaurant was, like its name, awful, obnoxious, and slightly creepy. It was filled with garish lights, bright colours, and large balloons. The waiters were overly-cheerful, and the food was like that one person that you couldn't stand but who wouldn't go away. However, both Mr. Poe and Count Olaf insisted that it was a lovely place to eat.

"Here we are! The Anxious Clown!" exclaimed Mr. Poe, his cheerful attitude not matching the devastating situation.

"Yes." Violet, along with her siblings and friend, winced at the bright colours. "It looks... lovely."

"I can't wait to, erm, eat here." Klaus said, nodding.

Mr. Poe's beam matched the restaurant. 

The Anxious Clown was just as horrible on the inside as it was the outside, if not worse. There were more lights, more balloons, the smell of burnt food, and even worse, some music playing that was too high-pitched.

"Ah, our table is over there." Mr. Poe led the children over to a bright red, circular table with soft yellow seats. 

There were three seats on each side of the table. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny sat on one side, with Mr. Poe and Rowan on the other. Rowan successfully persuaded Mr. Poe to sit in the middle of the three seats so that he himself didn't have to sit next to Count Olaf.

"Mr. Poe, you have to listen to us." begged Klaus. "Captain Sham is Count Olaf in disguise. He is not a suitable guardian and you can't just simply hand us over to him."

"Klaus," chuckled Mr. Poe. "I am not 'handing you over to him'. There is paperwork!"

"But that does not make Count Olaf a suitable guardian." Violet exclaimed.

"Hello, children. Hello Banker Person." called out a familiar accent.

"Ah, Captain Sham!" exclaimed Mr. Poe. "Take a seat, take a seat!"

Count Olaf sat down next to Mr. Poe, and before long, one of the tall, brightly-dressed waiters came over to their table.

"Hello, thank you for coming to our unpopular and vastly underrated restaurant!" he exclaimed. "I am Larry, Your Waiter, and I will be serving you today!"

"Thank you." everyone chorused, although the two adults said it far more enthusiastically.

Larry, Their Waiter, gave them a menu each, and whilst the two adults examined it with delight, the children examined it with disgust. 

Extra Fun Family Appetiser - Some stuff fried up together as a soup

Ice Cubes - Water frozen into a small cube shape

Surprising Chicken Salad - Chicken-flavoured vegetables served as a salad.

There was more food listed as well, but the children had lost their appetites enough to read further.

"Mr. Poe, I'm not very hungry." Violet said.

Rowan and her siblings agreed.

"Nonsense!" exclaimed Count Olaf. "We shall have the Extra Fun Family Appetiser, for my extra fun family!"

Larry took down some notes.

"No." Mr. Poe shook his head at the evil man, and watched Larry's rather irritated expression as he crossed out his notes. "You must be patient, Captain Sham. The children have just lost their guardian."

Larry dropped his notepad and pen. "I didn't realise this was a sad occasion! In that case, allow me to recommend a Cheer-Up Cheeseburger."

"Perfect!" beamed Mr. Poe. "Yes, six Cheer-Up Cheeseburgers then."

After that, the brunch went quite smoothly (considering they had a notorious villain casually eating with them), but Violet had an amazing idea about halfway through the meal.

She got the bag of peppermints and slipped one into each of her siblings' hands. They nodded, and all three of them slipped their peppermints into their burgers before one of the adults noticed, before taking a bite. They winced as they realised how bad a mixture of disgusting burger and peppermint tasted. Before long, Violet felt a rash form on her face, Klaus winced as him tongue swelled up, and poor Sunny got both.

"Oh dear!" Mr. Poe exclaimed. "Violet, you look simply terrible. You too Sunny."

Klaus spoke up, which was difficult considering his tongue was now completely swelled up. "Blaybe bly bliblings bland bli bloud blo blome bland blest."

"I have no idea what you just said." Mr. Poe smiled.

"I think he said, 'Maybe my siblings and I should go and rest.'." translated Violet, smiling as Klaus nodded.

"Yes, that does seem like a good idea." Mr. Poe nodded. "Come on, Sham."

"No!" Violet exclaimed at once. "We can get home ourselves."

The Baudelaires jumped out of their seats, as well as Rowan.

Mr. Poe looked at him. "Rowan, sit down."

Rowan shook his head. "I'll take care of the Baudelaires."

As Rowan walked past Count Olaf to go to the door, the evil actor grabbed his arm.

"I know what you're up to." he whispered threateningly into the boy's ear.