"Is this the school that we're attending?" asked Violet, staring at the sorry excuse of a school in front of them. There were buildings that looked like huge gravestones and an arch that had some writing on it that nobody except Klaus could understand.
"Yes." said Mr. Poe, nodding. "And it is a very pleasant school, so I don't want to hear a single complaint."
"It doesn't look very pleasant." murmured Rowan.
"That's a complaint." said Mr. Poe.
"Klaus, do you know what memento mori means?" asked Violet.
Klaus swallowed, staring at the arch above them. "Yes."
"What does it mean?" asked Rowan.
"Remember you will die." said Klaus.
One of the few things that Mr. Poe was actually good at ignoring things that he did not want to have a discussion about. Instead, he stared at the door in front of them and said, "Right, children, in you go."
"Aren't you coming with us?" asked Klaus.
"The banking hours are about to begin and I can't be late." Mr. Poe said.
"But we're basically on the edge of the Hinterlands." Rowan pointed out. "The walk from here to the city will be very, very long. You might as well show us around. You'll be late either way."
Mr. Poe smiled. "That would make me even later." He walked off.
"I wish he didn't get so worried about the bank." said Violet sadly. "If I'm correct, the banking hours begin in two hours."
Klaus nodded. "I know. Come on, let's go in."
The inside was just as unpleasant as the outside. The floor was filthy and the roof looked as if it could fall on top of them at any moment. A group of spiders scuttled past the children.
"This place is horrible." said Klaus.
"It really is." said Rowan.
"Moro?" said Sunny, which meant, 'what is that horrible noise?'.
Klaus listened and winced. "It sounds like violin playing... awful violin playing."
"And it's coming from that door." said Violet, pointing at a garish red door. "Vice Principal Nero's office. Yes, we'll go in there and ask for the principal."
They knocked at the door and a tall man with a red face, messy blonde hair, and a greasy jacket came out. He was holding a violin. The children had half expected Count Olaf to stick his head out, but this man was definitely not the evil villain that was after their fortune.
"Who dares interrupt a genius when he's rehearsing?" screamed the man.
"I'm Klaus Baudelaire, and these are my sisters Violet and Sunny and our friend, Rowan White."
"Oh, the new students." said Vice Principal Nero scornfully.
"We were looking for the principal." explained Violet.
"We were looking for the principal." mocked Nero in a high-pitched imitation of Violet's voice. "Well, the principal isn't here right now, hasn't been here for, let's see, three years now? I run this school."
"Then why aren't you called Principal Nero?" asked Rowan as politely as he could.
Vice Principal Nero smiled. "Well, everyone knows that the Vice Principal is always more important. Anyway, I suppose I suppose I should be a nice Vice Principal and welcome you to your sixth home so I will. Welcome to Prufrock Preparatory School, blah blah blah, I hope you'll have fun, blah blah, good luck, you will need it. My second highest concern is that you learn a lot here at Prufrock Preparatory School. Naturally, my first highest concern is my own career as a violinist. Now, I know that you have had a lot of trouble with a man named Count Olaf, as well as his associates - Stephano, Captain Sham, and Shirley - but here at Prufrock Prep you will not be blaming your troubles on an actor. Or a lab assistant. Or a sea captain. Or a receptionist, for that matter. Over here, we have an Advanced Computer System, programmed to recognise Count Olaf's features - one eyebrow, tattoo of an eye on ankle. Done. You can go now."
The man talked so impossibly fast that it was difficult to get a word in. Eventually, however, the eldest Baudelaires managed to speak.
"Actually, Count Olaf, Stephano, Captain Sham, and Shirley are all the same person." explained Violet.
"Actually, Count Olaf, such-and-such, such-and-such... I don't care." Nero said rudely.
"You haven't told us where we will live." Klaus pointed out.
Nero frowned. "You haven't... actually, that's not a bad point. There is a beautiful dormitory with five beds, two bathrooms, and a bowl of fresh fruit every Wednesday." said Nero.
"That sounds lovely." Violet said, smiling.
"It does sound lovely." Rowan agreed.
"That sounds lovely." mimicked Nero. "Well, you won't get see it. What happened to your parents?"
"They... died... in a fire." said Klaus, wondering how this was relevant.
"Exactly." said Nero. "So that makes you an orphan. And all orphans are put in the orphans' shack."
"An orphans' shack?" repeated Violet, astonished. "That isn't fair."
"Get to your shack!" snapped Nero.
YOU ARE READING
Baudelaires and a White
Fanfiction"I think we should do it." said Rowan quietly as the man opened the door. "Okay." said Violet. "But who are you?" gasped Isadora, sliding into the taxi. The man took a breath. "My name is Lemony Snicket, and I am here to take you away." Would the s...
