Roommates with Benefits [18+ only]

14. I'm always serious about sex

LUKAS

I sighed, covering my eyes. What the hell did I just say? That was so unnecessary. When I heard the shower being switched on, I stood from the bed, and headed out of her room, going straight for mine, barely even remembering to gather my clothes scattered around. I got in the shower without even stopping to grab towels or clothes. I just needed cold water to hit me with full force, to tell me how stupid I am.

I let it fall on my back, my hands resting against the wall, my head hanging low. Why do I keep on pulling back? After everything I've done to finally get close to her, I keep on ruining it.

Every time it feels we're getting closer, part of me freaks out and I switch mode. Like earlier tonight, when she called herself my baby girl. She was just teasing, but that simple word hit me harder than she'll ever know.

I came to live here purposely, for God's sakes. Yet I can't go through. This is insane. To get hung up on some girl I barely even knew in high school, to the point that, three years later, I end up canceling the lease on a fantastic bachelor pad – paying a buttload of money in early termination fee, by the way –, just to live with a girl that, on a good day gives me a cold shoulder, and on her worst days straight up hides from me.

I really don't understand myself anymore, nor do I understand her. I try to be nice, she gets suspicious and presumes I'm playing her. If I act like the player she believes me to be, she gets annoyed, yet then gives in. I can't tell who's crazier, me or her.

And all her talking about me and Sheila. What the hell did that snake say to her, to make her believe we were this unbreakable couple? If Tara knew her so-called best friend slides into my dms on social media every now and then, she wouldn't give me the time of day, convincing herself for good that I'm Sheila's property.

But I'm not, never have been. Hell, I don't even reply to her messages, that girl is starting to border on obsession. We haven't talked in years, and not for her lack of trying.

At first, when she contacted me after graduation, I would reply, we'd chat a little, but then I realized she was harping on something that was never there in the first place.

Come on, she knows full well my main interest was her best friend. I was stupid enough to let that snake distract me, push me off course, but I never even intended for anything more than sex to happen between us.

I've known Sheila since fourth grade, we weren't exactly friends, but we hung out every now and then, same as I did even with Jason. For the most part of high school we chatted here and there, maybe even flirted a bit, but it was only in junior year that the innuendos started getting real.

I know now, Sheila's main aim was to distract me from her friend. I got lost staring at Tara from afar more than I'd like to admit, and Sheila caught me red-handed a few times. Hell, I think the snake realized before me that I was in big trouble.

Back then, I was almost grateful, I could not possibly fall into such a lousy trap. I kept telling myself that Tara was cute, alright, but nothing special, and she had a reputation of being the epitome of the good girl, your typical religious chick that's only gonna lose her virginity on her honeymoon night. I did not see myself waiting a year or two for her.

Now look at me, three years later, one step away from the abyss, trying so hard to get in her good graces. And I don't even mean sexually.

My friend Dion says I'm pussy-whipped. According to him, she got me good the first time, and now I can't stop. But I know that's not it. If it were that simple, I know myself, how allergic to commitment I am, the sole idea of an agreement, even only for sex, would make me run for the hills. And yet ...