Roommates with Benefits [18+ only]

23. I don't think you can get any worse

LUKAS

I did my best to get up without a single noise, but disentangling myself wasn't easy. She pretty much slept all over me, using my chest as a pillow, her leg over my torso. It wasn't the coziest position, to be honest, but it was a new feeling.

I don't think I've ever actually slept with a woman before. Having Tara snuggle into me like that, pretty much use me as a human-sized pillow ... it was physically uncomfortable, but emotionally blissful. So much so that I kept thinking about it for the most part of my day.

That was day one, and two, and three ... yeah, after about five days I was still thinking about that one single time when Tara and I slept-slept together. I tried to make her as comfortable as possible through her period days, to make it clear to her that I'm no little boy scared of something as utterly natural as menstruations.

Spending a lot of time around Corinne got me used to womanly problems I had never really paid attention to. But even before then, my mom taught me about 'the lady's curse', as she called it. I asked her after I'd heard my babysitter talk about it on the phone, so my mom, like the pragmatic scientist she was, gave me a full concrete explanation.

So, I was kind of prepared. I've comforted Corinne through her crazy hormonal periods – risking my own health, by the way, the girl threw all sorts of objects at me when she was in pain. Tara was a mild case, compared. But I'm also sure she repressed her own menstrual crazy around me, which is why she mostly remained in her room when she was at home. I mean, yes, she needed to relax, but I'm sure it was also to avoid me.

She was more vigilant, more guarded, as if afraid her own menstruated self could revolt against her rules and barriers and, God forbid, let me in. She will never allow that. It's like I'm her nemesis, or something.

We can be friendly outside the deal, but never too friendly. We can laugh together, joke together, but we don't even simply sit on the couch and watch a movie. Sure, she accepted the food and was grateful for the care I took in trying to help her through her womanly issues, but she pulled back quickly.

I keep slamming my face against her walls, there's no way around them. It's like she's on a clock, she'll joke around and laugh for a bit, then the moment she realizes that we're actually having a nice conversation without sex involved, she leaves. Literally. Oh, I need a shower. I need sleep. I need to study. I have to go. Every single time.

You could be poison to my heart. I keep hearing those words in my head every time she pulls back. No doubt it's because of my reputation in high school and probably Sheila's rants, but a lot of it has to do with her own insecurities.

I remember shy Tara, I do. Barely ever raising her gaze, when she wasn't reading, the floor was her favorite sight. I thought that getting rid of her bullies in freshman year would be enough, but I never dealt with the number one bully in her life, her own so-called best friend.

There must be some sort of twisted Stockholm syndrome going on here, for Tara to remain so attached to someone that on her best days treated her like dirt under her shoes. Part of me feels bad, had I been less of a prick, less selfish, I could have helped her like I did with Corinne.

At the very least, Sheila is gone now, she can't undermine Tara's confidence and I can finally see the real her. Or I could, if she let me in, if she left herself unguarded more than just during sex.

When I saw a hand being waved right before my face, I blinked my eyes, confused. "Are you still with us?" Dion joked.

"Oh," I shook my head, "uh ... yeah, you were saying?" How long did I remain there thinking? We'd just arrived at the gym, had just gotten changed and put stuff in our lockers.