You're safe with me

New experiences

Chan and I are sitting on the sofa watching TV, when the front door opens and the other members come in, Han holding two containers. "Are you feeling better?", he asks when he sees us. "Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better now.", I answer. "Good, because we brought you guys some kimchi.", he informs us setting the containers down on the table in front of us. "Thank you.", I say about to get up and grab two chopsticks for us. Chan holds me back, getting up himself to get them. We eat while the others all go to their rooms. After we finished eating we put away the containers and since we are both pretty exhausted we decide to just go to bed. I lie there for at least an hour, thinking about what Chan said earlier about wanting to kiss me. It's not that I don't want to kiss him, the thought just makes me really nervous, because first of all I've never kissed anyone before and second I'm really scared to mess it up by backing out last second or doing something to make it awkward. But no matter how hard I try I can't get the thought out of my head, so after another 30 minutes I decide to get up and see if he's still awake. I make my way to his room and knock on the door. "Come in.", I hear him say and enter the room. "Oh. Hey Seungmin, what's up?" "I just can't sleep.", I answer looking at him. "Well, do you know why?" "Yeah....", I say looking away. He gets up walking towards me until he's only about 50cm away from me and takes both my hand. "What is it then?", he asks whispering now. "I want to kiss you.", I answer my voice barely audible. "Are you sure?", he asks concerned. "Yes, I want to kiss you.", I state trying my best to sound sure of myself. "Okay.", he says slowly leaning in. I close my eyes as I feel my body tense at the sensation of Chan's breath so close to my face. "One more thing.", I bluer out. "What?", he asks softly and I take a deep breath before answering. "This is my first kiss.", I admit. Chan's eyes are soft when he says, "Okay." Having told him that actually makes me feel a bit less nervous so that when our lips finally touch I'm actually able to enjoy the feeling of his soft lips moving slowly on mine, which causes my whole body to heat up, making me feel slightly overwhelmed. After a few seconds, he slowly pulls away looking into my eyes. "Are you okay?", he wants to know. "Yeah, just a little overwhelmed", I confess feeling somewhat nervous. "That's normal.", he replies smiling at me. "Can I ask you something?", "Of course.", he tells me and I look down anxiously before speaking "Can I stay here with you?", I ask my heart beating like crazy. "Of course baby, if that's what you want, I'd be happy to have you here with me.", he assures me looking happy. We both walk back to his bed and lie down together his arms tightly wrapped around me, which causes me to fall asleep within just a few minutes. The next morning I wake up slightly confused until my memory comes back and I remember what happened last night. It still takes me a moment to realize that I'm laying in Chan's bed with his arms still wrapped around me. I look around seeing a clock on his nightstand which tells me it's already 10 a.m., so I'm surprised Chan is still sleeping since he'd usually be at the studio by now. I decide not to wake him, as I'm happy he's actually sleeping for once, and get out of bed carefully. I go to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water when I see Changbin leaning against the kitchen counter drinking a cup of coffee. "Good morning Binnie.", I greet him my voice still sounding a bit sleepy. "Good morning Seungmin, did you sleep well?", he greet me back as I get myself a glass of water. "Yes actually, you?", I respond smiling. " Yeah, me too.", he answers after taking a sip of his coffee. "You slept in Chan's room last night.", he states pointing at his door. "Yeah, I kind of ... couldn't sleep.", I say a little nervous. "Oh, no no I didn't mean it in a negative way I was just surprised.", he says smiling at me. "What?", I want to know and his smile widens. "Nothing, I'm just happy for you.", he says. Taken aback by his answer I just smile back at him, since I don't really know what else to do. Feeling a little awkward now, I just leave the kitchen and sit down on the sofa. "Where is everyone?", I ask Changbin, looking back at him. "They said they had some shopping to do but Chan is probably at the studio or something", he answers now walking towards me and sitting down next to me. "Well, actually... he's still sleeping.", I say and his eyes widen in surprise. "Really?", he questions as it is very unusual for him to sleep past seven. "Yes, I couldn't believe it myself.", I say smiling and Changbin smiles back while locking eyes with me. "Wanna know what I think?", he asks meaningfully and I nod. "I think you two are really good for each other and I think this relationship is equally helpful for both of you.", he states keeping eye contact. "And I think that once you really feel emotionally supported and safe around him, you'll be able to be more physical with him and I know Chan well enough to know, that he will do anything in his power to get there with you. That's not to say he'd ever rush or pressure you into anything of course.", he says and I'm amazed once again at how well he knows us. "Thank you Binnie but there's something I should probably tell you.", I say nervously and Changbin immediately looks concerned. "What is it, is everything okay?", he asks his eyes scanning my face. "Yeah,... it's just something that happened last night.", "What happened?", he asks and I start to wonder why I even brought it up. Here goes nothing. "Well... yesterday while you guys were at the restaurant we kind of... ended up cuddling. And then last night we-we-we kissed.", I say my voice shaking. "Wait, really? I'm so happy for you! That's amazing!", he exclaims happily. "Do you want to talk about it?", he asks. I don't even know if I want to talk about any of this, though it would be nice, and if I'm going to tell anyone it'll be Changbin so... "Yeah, sure.", I say smiling. "Are you sure? That didn't sound really convincing.", he comments a questioning look on his face. "Yes, I'm sure.", I respond more confident now. "Okay, so... how was it?", he asks curiously. "What part?", I question. "You can start from yesterday evening while we were at the restaurant.", he answers with a slightly evil grin. "Alright, so basically it started with me just not doing well as I said and when we were home I went straight to bed. After a while, he came to my room to check up on me and when he noticed I still wasn't feeling any better, he just went and embraced me to comfort me. Since I didn't have the energy to do anything about it anyway I let him do it, and it actually felt really nice. So we ended up cuddling, then he asked me if he could kiss me...", I start and Changbin's mouth is wide open. "What did you say?", he asks obviously wanting to hear more. "I told him I didn't think I was ready yet and he was super understanding telling me I was worth waiting for.", I continue and he looks at me confused. "So when did you kiss then?", he asks. "I was just about to tell you.", I answer smiling since I'm surprisingly enjoying this conversation. "So, after we went to bed I couldn't stop thinking about it. That lead to me going to his room and telling him I wanted to kiss him. And that's how we kissed.", I finished looking at him. "And then? I mean you obviously slept in his room, so what happened?", he asks digging deeper. "Well, I asked him if I could stay with him tonight and he said he'd be happy to have me with him and then we just went to sleep.", I answer and he looks quite surprised. "You really asked to stay with him? That's great! Because that means that he's truly helping you build deeper trust again, right? Since I don't think you would willingly want to sleep next to somebody you don't trust", he analyses with audible excitement. "Yeah, I guess you could be right.", I say feeling a bit uncomfortable. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a little hyper, no?", he asks immediately toning it down. "I'm just so happy for you and Chan.", he explains. "Me too, I really didn't think it'd be like this. I didn't think it would make me this happy.", I admit. That's when I notice Chan standing in the kitchen with a big smile on his face, while mine turns a bright red. "How long have you been there for?", I ask in a mix of shock and embarrassment.