You're safe with me

Friendships

Chan's pov
After working out for a good hour, we decide to take a break. We sit down on one of the benches, each holding a now half empty bottle of water. "So what was that about, you know the whole Seungmin needing an ambulance thing?" Changbin asks and I freeze, unsure of how much I should tell him. "As the paramedic said, it was a panic-attack." I try but he just sighs. "I know that, but you wouldn't normally call an ambulance because of a simple panic-attack. What happened?" now it's my turn to sigh. "It's a little personal." I tell him and I can see the realization hit. "Did you...?" he breaks of. "Yeah." I say, feeling my face heat up. "Did you go all the way?" he seems nervous. "N-no not yet, why?" he sighs in relive. "I was just a little scared for him because I know his mind isn't there yet, so I was worried he might have pushed himself too far." he says, concern laced into his voice. "I won't let that happen again." I assure with a smile. "I think it was just a lot to take in, full sensory overload if you will. I mean it was the first time he put that much control in someone else's hands." I explain, talking about Seungmin like this is strange but not uncomfortable, at least not with Changbin. "But I thought you guys have done this before." he wonders. "We have, but it wasn't like this. The fist time he was completely out of it and I wasn't really sure how to deal with it. But this time I was more prepared and he was actually able to enjoy it." I say, to which Changbin nods. "I guess he got scared once he realized what actually happened." I say, more to myself. I decide I would have to talk to him once we get back to the dorms. "Yeah, that makes sense." Changbin agrees, getting up. "Let's do one more and then we'll head back." he announces and I nod.

Jeongin's pov
As we're finishing up our main course, my mind starts to wander and I can't help but ask. "What actually happened?" he looks at me, confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Well, there must be a reason you panicked." I explain and now there is a strong blush on his face. "It was nothing." I give him a questioning look. He sighs before continuing. "It's really embarrassing." I give him a comforting smile. "That's alright. You don't have to tell me but if you do, just know you're secret will be safe with me." I assure him. "Okay but don't laugh." now it's my turn to look confused. "Why would I laugh at you fainting?" he takes a deep breath, preparing for what he's about to say. He leans in, obviously trying to avoid being over heard. "Basically, me and Chan we..." he stops and I fail to suppress a gasp. "You... did it?" I ask, in surprise. "No, not quite. He just... you know, touched me." his ears as well as his whole neck are now flushed as well. "Ohh...!" I say, as I finally realize. "I kind of freaked out after." he says, embarrassed. "I always kind of knew you struggle with physical- contact, but may I ask why?" his expression suddenly shifts, to what looks like a mix of sadness and fear. "Not here." is all he says and I feel a little bad for even asking. "Of course. You don't have to tell me at all, if it makes you uncomfortable." I take his hand from across the table, causing him to look up at me. I pull back immediately, I just said it myself and still touched him, how stupid can one be. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking." I quickly apologise. "It's fine. Thank you for understanding." he says, and I can hear just how much it actually seems to mean to him. "Obviously, I mean your my friend and you deserve to be treated as such. Regardless of the way we tease each other sometimes, I still love you like a brother and if there's something serious, just know I'll be one of the first people to try and help you in any way I can. We're family, maybe not by blood but definitely by heart, all eight of us and that's never going to change. Doesn't matter if we're still in Stray Kids or not, the contract may end but we won't, we'll stick together. What I'm trying to say is that, no matter what's going on you can be sure that we'll always have your back." I take a deep breath, trying to get some oxygen back into my body. As I take a closer look at his face again, I notice tears forming in his eyes. Only then do I consciously realize, how serious the situation actually is. "Do you want to go home?" he nods and I call over a waiter. Once he comes back with the bill, I notice Seungmin reaching for his wallet. "No, I've got it." I say quickly, not wanting him to have to pay right now. I hand the waiter the money upon which he wishes us a good day and we get up to leave the restaurant.

Seungmin's pov
As soon as we get through the door, all I want to do is be alone, so I rush to my room. This causes me to miss Chan and Changbin's worried eyes, following me from the sofa. I get to my room flopping onto the bed, with my face buried in the sheets. How could I be so sensitive, as to almost let Jeongin see me cry? My tears start coming back at that thought and I don't try to stop them now. Just as the first tears start running down my face, I feel a warm hand on my shoulder. I jerk my head up to see Changbin standing next to my bed. How didn't I hear him come in? "Do you want to talk?" I shake my head no and he nods. "Do you want me to leave?" I shake my head again and he sits down next to me. I sit up slightly, wrapping my arms around him causing him to pull me closer. We just sit there for a few minutes, my head resting on his shoulder, a comfortable silence around us. "I don't know how to tell him." Changbin gives me a puzzled look. "Tell what to whom?" he questions, I just sigh lifting my head off his shoulder. "Jeongin. He asked me about my issues with physical-touch and I'm not sure how to explain." he rubs my back and I lean back into him. "You don't have to explain yourself but if you really want to, I suggest you let him know it's difficult for you and don't tell him more than what you're comfortable with." I nod into his shoulder. "Thanks Binnie." now it's his turn to nod. "I better go talk to him then, before I start over thinking." I get up, leaving Changbin behind on my bed. I walk up to Jeongin's door, knocking softly before entering. "Hey Minnie, is everything okay?" he says, looking at me. I keep my head down, too nervous to meet his eyes. I can feel my hands shaking. Suddenly, Jeongin's feet start coming closer. I see his hand reaching out for mine, seconds later I feel his gentle yet firm grip around it. "What's wrong Minnie? You seem nervous." he leads me to his bed, gesturing for me to sit down. I comply and he sits down next to me, his hand never letting go. "There's something I wanted to talk to you about." I say in a shaky voice. "If it's about earlier, don't worry you don't need to explain. I didn't realize how much it'd scare you to even think about it." he says, seeming sincere. "No, you're my friend, you deserve to know." Jeongin turns towards me but I can't bring myself to look him in he eye. "Listen, you don't owe me anything. Just because I'm your friend, doesn't mean you have to automatically tell me everything that's ever happened to you, especially if it's something that obviously still has a huge impact on your life." he assures me, gently squeezing my hand. "That being said, if you want to talk to me about anything, I will always listen." that statement alone gives me enough courage, to actually tell him. "I want you to know, I want you to have an opportunity, to understand and not just accept." I say nervously, still unable to meet his eyes. "In that case, I'm all ears but if it gets too much just know you can stop at any time." I take a deep breath, preparing myself to tell him everything. "You know, I never had a good relationship with my parents." Jeongin nods. "Well, it's more than that." I can already feel the tears coming. "They, they don't really like the idea of their only son being gay." the memories come flushing back, like they did the day of the interview a couple months ago. I can feel tears forming in my eyes but try my best to suppress them. "My, my p- parents used to mentally and physically abuse me because of it." "And if I dared to get bad grades on top of that..." I brake off, bursting into tears. "Is it okay if I hug you?" I nod and he gently wraps is arms around me. "I'm so sorry, I had no idea." he sounds, like he's on the verge of tears himself. "How could you have known? I only told Chan a few months ago." I say, sniffling. "Do Chan's parents know about you guys?" he asks and I realize, we never even talked about that. "I-I don't know actually." he slowly pulls back. "I just think, you meeting them as Chan's boyfriend and seeing how loving they are towards both of you might help you." I take a moment to think about his words. "Maybe." he nods and is about to get up. "Wait!" I tell him and he looks at me in confusion. "What?" he asks expectantly. "Thank you. For not being weird about this and actually trying to understand and help." he smiles and pulls me into another hug, before leaving. I'm slightly confused, seeing as we're in his room. "Where are you going?" I ask and he turns back. "I'm just getting myself something to drink." I nod, as he makes his way to the kitchen.