You're safe with me

Coming out?!

I suddenly remember that I still don't have any idea how to do this myself. Still slightly hazed, I decide to just ask. "How do you do it yourself?" I can feel his eyes on me and instantly regret asking. "How about we have that conversation another time? This was already a lot and I don't want to overwhelm you with information." that's definitely not the reaction I had expected. He doesn't seem weirded out at all. Since to him it seems to be basic knowledge, I'd expected at least a weird look. "Okay, thank you.", "What for?" he questions. "For always being so patient with me and not making me feel weird about being so inexperienced at my age." I blush deeply, feeling slightly embarrassed at how cheesy I sound. "I don't think there is an age limit on life experiences, you should do everything in your own time. It doesn't really matter that you don't have much experience yet or that I made those experiences earlier in life, what matters is that we are here now making new experiences together." there it is again that overwhelming feeling of safety I always get when he says things like this. I start crying again, I really don't know what is up with me lately I used to be so good at controlling my emotions. Well, I guess he just makes me feel as though there's no need for control, as though I can just be myself and sometimes even give him control. That's something I never thought I'd be able to say about someone but I guess Chan was able to get to me. That's when I realize I should've probably stopped thinking after ' he makes me feel safe' because all I can think about now, is the fact that he could easily expose some of my deepest and darkest secrets all because I let him in. I don't want to think of him this way because logically speaking he would never do something like that, still I can't help but let my anxiety get the best of me sometimes. I back away from him, pulling the blanked over my still naked body. Chan immediately reacts, sitting up and giving me a confused look. "What's wrong?" I don't know how to answer, there is nothing wrong. The only thing causing problems is me because my stupid brain never shuts up and always manages to ruin everything good. I start to feel dizzy, all these thoughts are making my head spin. Then I suddenly feel very hot and my airways feel tight, making it hard to breath. I can feel my body shaking and my hands starting to go numb, everything is loud, the silence beaming in my ears. Suddenly I feel strong arms wrap around my body, making it even harder to breath. I know Chan is saying something but his voice is muffled in my ears. Then, there's darkness. Everything stops and the last thing I remember is Chan's, now clear voice. "Seungmin, please! You have to breath!" he's crying. I wake up to the sound of hurried voices and I could swear there are people sobbing somewhere further away. I open my eyes to see paramedics over me, leaning back when they notice my open eyes. "There you are. Gave your friends quite the fright." one of them says, causing the others to look up as well. Not even five seconds after he said that Chan is by my side and I can feel him take my hand. "Thank god." he says, pressing a soft kiss to my hand. "What- what happened?" that's when the paramedic steps in, reappearing in my field of vision. "Seems like you had quite a bad panic-attack and fainted from lack of oxygen." she explains. "Your boyfriend called and said that you'd backed away from him before completely slipping into panic and seeming unable to respond in any way what so ever." she continues and I stiffen realizing she just called Chan my boyfriend in front of everyone. Minho instantly notices looking at Chan in confusion. "Boyfriend?" he doesn't sound angry, just confused. "That's not important right now, top priority is that Seungmin is okay. We can talk about everything else later." Jisung says, looking at Chan. "He should be completely fine, just take it easy for a few days." the paramedic says, directing the last part at me. "Thank you so much." Chan says, bowing his head. "No problem, just make sure you keep an eye on him. Have a nice day." she says and she and her team leave the apartment. Once they're gone Chan helps me sit up on the sofa, putting his arm around me to help me keep my balance. "Would anyone care to explain why the lady called Chan Seungmin's boyfriend?" Minho asks, looking at me now. "Because it's true." I say bravely, not making eye-contact. "Wait, really?!" Felix asks surprised. "Yeah. We didn't mean for you guys to find out this way but, it's true." Chan explains slowly. "Wait, did any of you know?" Hyunjin asks, looking around. I look at Changbin and notice Chan looking over to Jisung, both of them giving us reassuring smiles. "Yeah, me and Jisung have known for a while." Changbin admits, causing the four others to look at them. "Why didn't you say anything? I can't speak for everyone here but I'm really happy for you guys." Jeongin says with a heart warming smile, earning sounds of agreement from the other three. I breath out in relive and relax into Chan's side. I notice Felix and Hyunjin sharing a look, and lean in a little. "While we're on the topic, I well... we also have something to tell you." I notice Felix nervously gripping for Hyunjin's hand who squeezes it. "W-well, me a-and Hyunjin we-we're together." Felix admits and I can't help but smile. "Actually?" Jisung asks and Hyunjin just nods. "That's unfair! Why do you get to be in a relationship and I don't?" Jisung asks with the cutest pout. "You could always go for Minho. I'm sure the fans would love that." Jeongin says and we all burst out laughing, though I do notice a slight blush on Minho's face. "Well, too bad I'm straight." Jisung says, still laughing. "I'm not." Minho says shyly and the whole room goes quiet. "Why is everyone gay?!" Changbin says, pretending to be outraged. "Well, I-I'm Bi actually." Felix corrects. "Yeah same." Chan says, I look up at him in surprise. "Really? You never told me." his eyes fall on me and he smiles. "We just never had that conversation and I honestly never felt the need to bring it up." he explains and I nod. "So let me get this straight, Chan and Felix are Bi and the rest of you?" Jeongin says, obviously trying his best to stay on top of the situation. "I'm gay." I say looking around. "Me too." Hyunjin says, still holding Felix hand. "What about you?" I ask Minho, who's been quiet this whole time. He blushes. "I'm honestly not sure, all I know right now is that I'm not straight." I give him a warm smile, which he returns. "That's okay, took me a while to figure out as well. It wasn't until I met Felix that I actually realized I was gay, I always knew I wasn't straight but failed to figure out what I actually wanted." Hyunjin says, trying his best to comfort Minho. "Thank you, I'll let you know once I figured it out." with that the topic is resolved and I thought the conversation might be over as well but Jisung starts talking again, grabbing everyone's attention. "So why did you have a panic-attack anyway?You don't have to answer, I mean I get it, life can be a lot sometimes but I'd really like to know." he says and now all eyes are on me. I think for a second before answering. "I was just doing something and started overthinking, letting anxiety get the best of me." I respond and Jisung nods. "Yeah, I get that too, everything is fine until you start thinking too much and your brain goes through the worst possible outcomes." he explains and I feel really understood. "Yeah, me too. Not to give TMI but I had that after my first time with Felix, once I actually realized what we just did. I freaked out because it was the first time someone had seen me that vulnerable. I couldn't talk to Felix for a whole day, until he came up to me and said we should talk about it." Hyunjin says, giving me a reassuring look. "That's all really beautiful and sweet but could you maybe consider having these conversations somewhere else because I'd honestly prefer not imagining my bandmates sleeping with each other." Jeongin says in a whiny voice. I blush deeply while Hyunjin just burst out laughing. "Right, sorry." he says, still giggling. "So, what are we gonna do now?" Felix questions. "Imma head to the gym." Changbin says, which earns him an eye- roll from Hyunjin. "Count me in." Chan responds, looking at me. I give him a quick nod, happy he wants to do something other than working or looking after me. "I was gonna go for lunch. Do you wanna come with?" Jeongin asks with his signature smile. "Sure!" I get up and notice I'm still a little unsteady, a wave of dizziness overcoming my brain. I feel Chan's hand on my waist, steadying me. "You alright, Angel?" he asks and I blush at the name. "Yeah, I'm good. Probably just got up too quickly." I answer, taking a deep breath. "I'll get you a glass of water." Jisung says, rushing to the kitchen. Moments later he comes back, handing me the glass. "Thank you." I tell him, before taking a few sips. After a few more minutes I feel better and the conversation continues. "I think I'm just gonna stay here, practice was quite the hassle today." Jisung informs us, leaving for his room. "Yeah, me too." Minho says, heading for the kitchen. "Felix and I are gonna go out as well, as I've been promising for weeks." Hyunjin gives Felix a sweet smile and a look of pure adoration. I can't keep myself from smiling as well, as I walk up to Jeongin. "See you later, have fun." Chan says lowly from behind me and presses a soft kiss to my neck. I blush and see Jeongin scrunching up his nose. "Seungmin I think we should go, someone is eating Limburger and it's making me sick." I don't quite get the joke but I can hear Minho's laugh from the kitchen. After a few seconds Changbin's brain seems to click and he bursts out laughing hysterically, so I look at him for an explanation. "Limburger is a very smelly German cheese." he says in between fits of giggles. Now all of us are laughing as we leave the apartment.