You're safe with me

Day off

Luckily the rest of the night goes pretty smoothly, despite that I still wake up with a unsettling sense of anxiety originating from deep within my core. This leads me to snuggle closer to Chan, causing him to open his eyes. "Good morning, Baby." he says softly, his voice sounding a little deeper than usual. "Morning." I say, realizing my voice is coated with the same fear that is beginning to take up my mind. "Are you okay?" he sounds worried. "I-I'm not sure" he shifts, now half leaning over me, looking into my eyes. "What's wrong?" I don't know how to answer, because technically there is nothing wrong. Chan must take my silence as a sign of fear, because I can feel his hand soothingly stroking my arm. "Nothing, I just feel anxious." I finally say making him lie back down, his mouth now directly next to my ear. "Let's take it slow today then, yeah?", "Okay." I respond softly, the fear still clearly audible. "Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?" I just move closer, feeling his warm, firm body next to mine. Chan seems to understand, he puts his arm around me and pulls me onto his chest slightly. "We have dance-practice in two hours." that information causes my body to completely tense up, the thought of having to leave this position somewhere within the next 30 minutes making me feel sick. "Calm down. If you really don't feel capable of participating today, you and me can take the day off and focus on you. We both have the choreo down, so I don't think anyone would mind." he offers and I feel a wave of relive coming over me, taking the attention off fear for just a moment. That's when I know, that's probably the best way to deal with it. I nod, a hint of a smile on my face at the thought of being able to spent the whole day with Chan. "Alright. I'll be right back, I'm just gonna let Minho know we won't be there today." he gets out of bed and leaves the room.

Chan's pov
I make my way to the kitchen, knowing Minho is most likely drinking his morning coffee, without which he simply doesn't function. "Morning." I say as I approach him. "Morning Hyung, what do you want?" he asks, his voice soft and friendly. This leads me to believe he must have already finished his coffee and upon inspection I notice an empty cup on the table in front of him. "I just wanted to let you know that me and Seungmin won't be at practice today." his eyes slightly widen and he raises his eyebrows, waiting for an explanation. "Would you care to tell me why?" he asks, obviously confused. I take a moment to think about how to best explain the situation, before answering. "Seungmin isn't doing too well and I wanted to make sure he's okay" I say trying to be as vague as possible but of course he wants to know more. "Oh, what's wrong? Is he okay?" I hesitate with my answer. "Physically he's fine. It's just,...", I pause thinking about how to continue. "he's really been struggling with nightmares lately and it's starting to affect him mentally." I finish, taking a deep breath. "Really? Why didn't he say anything? He knows health always goes first." Minho says, worry clearly evident in his voice as well as his whole face. "I guess he didn't want to worry anyone but he's been really anxious all morning and woke up crying last night." I tell him, deciding there to be no point in holding back important information. I still decide not to mention the him being parallelized part, since I figure that would do nothing but spread panic. Minho gasps in shock. "He definitely shouldn't have to worry about something like some stupid dance lessons. You two stay here and make sure he gets better." I'm surprised at how he talks about the dance lessons, since I know that dance is everything to him but I guess all of that is forgotten once one of the members isn't well and that honestly makes me really proud of him. "Okay but could you do me a favour and not say anything to the other. I don't want them worrying too much, you can just tell them he's got a cold or something." he nods and I give him a thankful smile. I get back to my room to find Seungmin wrapped up in a blanket, looking fragile and exhausted. He looks up and the look in his eyes brakes my heart, so full of pain and desperation. "Hey Angel." I say walking up to the bed. "I talked to him and we're both staying here today." I continue and there's a hint of relive on his face. I sit down putting my arm around him and pulling him a little closer. "I'm sorry." he says and there are tears weighing heavy on his voice. I pull him to my chest and sure enough he starts sobbing quietly. "Shh..., no need to be sorry, everything's okay." I say and in that moment all I want to do, is take all the burdens and pain weighing heavy on his soul and give them back to the people that put them on him. I feel a raging anger building inside of me that takes quite an effort to push down but I would have to deal with it later, now my focus is on the beautiful,broken soul still sobbing in my arms. "What's on your mind, Angel?" I ask, trying to figure out what is happening in his head. "I'm sorry for keeping you from doing what your supposed to do, I'm making your job so much harder." he explains and I want to start crying myself. "None of that, you're not keeping me from anything. Yes you sometimes need someone to take care of you but we all do, there's nothing wrong with that." I try but he's too in his head to believe me. "I take up so much more time than the others, they would never cause you to miss practice." he rattles and all I can do is sigh heavily. "That's because you've been through so much more than most of the others and you seem to forget you are my boyfriend, you're supposed to take up more time than the others." I say, trying to change my approach. "Yes, but for different reasons." he argues, tears still silently running down his face. "I don't think there are set reasons for someone to take up their boyfriends time." he seems to get frustrated, which means I'm slowly getting into his head so I keep pushing. "You can take my time up with whatever you need it for, okay?" I say and he snaps. "I just don't want to loose you, you're the only thing keeping me together right now. I know it's selfish but I really don't want to loose you. I'm scared you might get annoyed with me, if I keep taking up so much of your time." he says, his voice breaking a few times. "Baby, that's not something you have to worry about, you're stuck with me. Don't ever think your being selfish for wanting me there, I'm more than happy to be there when you need me." I tell him and I can feel his body relax just a little bit. "I will always be there, none of this could ever be more important than you. All this money and fame are ephemeral but this, this is permanent. I hope I'll be able to make you understand that some day." I pull away slightly, so I'm able to see his face. Looking at his red puffy face, the only words I can think of are three really meaningful ones that I've been meaning to tell him for a while now but I've been waiting for the right moment. What better time to say them than when he needs to hear them most. "I love you Seungmin." I whisper, his eyes widen in surprise as he looks at me. There is a moment of silence and I'm worried he might not be ready to say the words but just as I'm about to tell him he doesn't have to say them yet, if he's not ready, he speaks. "I-I love you too." he says, his voice just above a whisper. I can practically feel the weight falling off his chest as he sinks back into mine.