Dearest - truly flung out of space

02 - Do I belong here?

I wake up feeling incredibly tired. I couldn't get a certain blonde out of my head even though the chances of seeing her again were lower than my bank account.

After showering and getting ready, I tried to motivate myself by looking at the schedule for today. I have 4 classes today, a full and packed day. God, I hate this.

Of course, I want to finish the degree. This is my last semester anyway but lately, I've been asking myself why I am doing this in the first place. The classes are hard but nobody really acknowledges that, everybody thinks studying literature is done in a blink of an eye.

My phone buzzes, a message from Amelia, my friend, pops up on the top of the screen.

Amelia :)
Hey Y/N, what's up? Do you want to go to the first class together? I could get us a hot chocolate from Starbucks. Let me know.

I smile at her message. I've known Amelia for about 2 years now. At first, I thought she was an arrogant and rich kid but it turned out that she is quite the opposite. Sure, her parents have quite a lot of money since they own a big company but Amelia never brags about that. Quite the opposite actually because she is a very giving person. There was one time when she donated 200 dollars to a charity organization dedicated to homeless people. I really admire her.

I quickly text her back, packing my stuff into my bag and making my way to the university. Since I was too broke to buy a car, I had to rely on my bike.

20 minutes pass and I arrive, an impatient Amelia already waiting for me.

"Yeez Y/N, what took you so long?" she asks with an eye roll which was supposed to look stern but it made us both chuckle.

"Right, let's get to class," I say and we make our way to the lecture hall.

After what feels like hours, I finally finish my day. The lectures were terribly boring today and one course in particular makes me doubt my whole studies. But hey, I want this, right?

Amelia wants to go out and have a drink with me but I decline since I just want to get some sleep.

She's disappointed, of course, but at least she acts like she understands me. We part at the parking lot of the campus to get my bike. As she gets to her car it starts to rain. Amelia looks at me with this fake smile. I laugh it off and drive home.

It takes me 30 minutes to get home, of course, I was drenched when I arrived. After a warm and long shower I decide to cook, throwing some noodles into a pot.

At 7 PM I try to start writing my essay about a poem analysis.

These are your own words
your way of noticing

and saying plainly
of not turning away

from hurt
you have offered them

to me I am only
giving them back

if only I could show you
how very useless

they are not

I glance at the wall, the words resonating with my soul. I think about Carol. I bet she has no idea how beautiful her voice sounded when she called me 'dear', how her laughter filled the room. It was so strange that I had the privilege to meet such an elegant person. The universe must have had a nice day when she met me.

I write down all the thoughts I have when reading the poem. It takes 4 pages to get all my thoughts in order. Carol pops up in my head again but I try to push these thoughts away as I do not have the time to think about her right now even though I would love to do nothing more. It's weird how she is in my head so often. I've only met her yesterday and I have no chance with her at all but yet I hope for nothing more than to see her again.

My phone buzzes, a message from Amelia popping up at the top of my screen.

Amelia :)
Hey bestie, do you want to go out and have a drink? we could go to the new bar. Maybe we can find you a partner ;)

I laugh at her message. Amelia has been trying to find me a partner for a long time. I appreciate her effort but she doesn't seem to understand that I just don't want to find a partner at this moment. Yes, I feel lonely very often and wish I would have someone to come home to but it is not that easy for me. I have never been in a relationship before, I have no experience in anything and I'm not after sexual activities. I crave romance.

I text her back, agreeing to her idea.

She'd pick me up at 10 PM. As I glance at my watch, I realize that it is already 8:30 PM and so I decide to take a shower and prepare myself for the evening. Thankfully, I would not have to go to university tomorrow, only boring work.

I get ready and she picks me up in her car. She takes me to the bar, and orders us some cocktails. The music is loud and I already regret agreeing to this. Amelia joins the dancefloor and I'm left alone.

It's boring so I take out my phone to scroll on Instagram.

Amelia is still dancing and so I decide to go home.

Some guys want to offer me drinks and so they desperately try to start a conversation but I decline politely every time. The atmosphere gets uncomfortable, I hate being around so many drunk people.

After some minutes I decide that it was a mistake agreeing to this and so I try to find Amelia in the crowd to tell her I'm leaving. Honestly, I don't think she can even process what I'm saying because she's drunk. She babbles something and I give her a hug to leave.

Stepping out of the club, I instantly shiver. It's cold and I'm only wearing a short dress. I cross my arms in front of my chest to at least warm myself up a little bit. The streets are empty as it's already 1 AM. I call for a cab and drive home, cold, lonely and sad. 

Carol Aird, I long to see you again 

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(a/n): Hii :). Welcome back to the second chapter. This time it was a bit shorter but I hope it still was interesting to read. What do you think will happen between Y/N and Carol? Comments about how you found the chapter(s) are welcomed. 

Have a nice Wednesday. 

:)