Dearest - truly flung out of space

33 - The past is haunting

Carol and I haven't talked about the happenings with Therese. I didn't want to force her to talk to me and so I tried to drop the issue. But the encounter with Therese kept us both on the edge.

I decided to take an extra morning shift in the restaurant. I needed something to do as I can get my thoughts off the whole situation. My boss was relieved that I could take over the shift of my colleague Maria who suddenly fell sick. My morning was filled ith serving breakfast ans brunch offers to the customers. After around 4 hours, I get back home, my thoughts revolving around a nice lunch made by my favorite blonde.

I open the door to the apartment and step into the small hallway. Everything is surprisingly quiet and I get a little concerned. After hanging my coat up, I walk to the kitchen. It's still quiet. I finally spot Carol on the couch, sleeping. My heart sinks at the sight. She looks exhausted. The whole situation is heavy for her. I carefully pull a blanket over her and kiss her forehead, trying to not wake her up. She stirs a little.

"Hmm?" she whispers as her eyes flutter open.
"Shh, rest, love," I reply in a soft voice.
"Dearest... I'm so sorry... I didn't... I didn't make anything for lunch.. I was... I'm so sorry. I was just...," she whimpers as her eyes well up with tears.
I shake my head and place a soft kiss on her head
"Nonsense, my love. You need to rest. I'll make us something for lunch. You will rest and sleep a little, okay? It's all okay," I reassure her and get into the kitchen to cook something for us. Since Carol is down and I want to see her soft smile again, I decide to make Pasta Fettuccine. I'd do anything for her, regardless of what has happened between us.

"Dearest...?" a quiet voice halls through the kitchen. Carol has woken up and tiptoes into the room, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. I smile at her, my heart welling up at the sight of her.
"Hello, old woman. Slept well?" I joke and wrap my arms around her waist. She chuckles and even though it's a sad and exhausted chuckle, her smile makes me happy.
"I've made lunch. Are you hungry?" I ask and lead her to the table so she can sit down.

We eat lunch in silence. The meals have become a rather uncomfortable situation since neither Carol or me dare to bring up the happenings.
"I can imagine that you want answers. But... Therese and I have a backstory. I'm not sure if I'm ready to tell you about that yet. I don't want you to think I am keeping secrets from you. I am just... It's quite much and.. I want you to know that I trust you and that I want you to know what is going on in my head and heart. You are the only person I trust. I love you with all my heart but I just... I don't...," she whispers. Her rambling makes me so sad because I feel like she really wants to talk to me but she just can't bring herself to do it.
I take her hands in mine, stroking them softly.
"It's fine, old woman. Take your time. I can wait. I want you to be comfortable when you talk about it. I don't want to pur pressure on you," I smile and place a kiss on her forehead.

After finishing our meal, and I get back to do some uni work while Carol starts writing something on her laptop. Some professors have sent me E-Mails and I need to respond to them. Suddenly, I get an E-Mail from Carol. I raise an eyebrow. Why is she sending me a mail when she is literally in the next room? My eyes roam over the subject like which is empty. I frown and click on the message, reading it.

Dearest,
I wish I could tell you all of this in person, but I'm not strong enough. I just can't. But you deserve answers. I can't deny that me and Therese don't have a backstory. You know that we do. And, I feel like I can express my thoughts better when I write them down. Just like when you wrote your feelings down when you gave me that letter.
Me and Therese go back.. Way back... We've met around 4 years ago. At that time, she worked for a store, Frankenbergs. I went there to do some Christmas shopping because Rindy wanted to have a doll for Christmas so badly. But, you know me, I've left it for too long.
Therese was so kind and helped me picking out a different gift for my little snowflake. That's where she got her train set from. I left my gloves on the counter and Therese sent them back to me. Me and her started to meet up. We got closer and closer and then I decided to take some time off. Harge was controlling me and he set up his first moral clause against me. Therese agreed and... well... we got closer and closer. I noticed how I fell in love with her. Harge found out about us and we had to return. To protect Therese, I broke all contact with her until I met her again. I thought that this would have been our last encounter, especially since I broke her heart so much. I told her I loved her. Against my expectations, she decided for me in the end. We got together. She lived in my apartment on Madison Avenue. We were happy. I thought I had everything I needed, everything I wanted. But she was young. So are you. She was full of dreams and she was ambitious. She quit her job at Frankenbergs and followed her passion of photography. I told her I would support her. She decided to go on a workshop. It was her dream and I was sure that I would do anything to support her. But... our contact lessened. At first, we called every day. Then only every second day and then she didn't text me at all anymore. I think she met someone else, someone her age. Someone... who fitted her lifestyle more than I did. It broke my heart. Abby had to help me get over her. I've never thought I'd see her again after that. But.. I did. When I saw her today, something in me was reminded of the heartbreaks. I'm sorry that I made such a scene. I want you to know that I love you and only you. I don't want her back or anything like that. But... the past is hard to get over. I know how much you admire her and her work. I know that she is an inspiration for you. The last thing I want is to destroy your image of her. I don't mean to harm her reputation in any way.
I love you. I'm sorry that I don't have enough courage to tell you all of this in person.
I love you, my angel. You're flung out of space.
Yours truly, Carol

My eyes water as I read her message. I feel incredibly sad by the fact this woman has done this to her. Carol means everything to me and the fact that she is hurting so much, makes my heart sink. Without thinking, I close my laptop and walk to the living room, where my favourite blonde sits in front of her laptop with the blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She looks sad with tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Hey, old woman..," I whisper and sit down next to her. She doesn't look at me but I put my finger under her chin to tilt her head. She looks at me and I see the tears in her eyes. Her beautiful blue eyes look sad. They look completely broken.
"Carol... hey," I whisper and pull her into my arms. She buries her head in my chest and sobs. My hands immediately begin to trace patterns over her back, trying to calm her down as much as I can. Her small figure trembles in my arms, choking on sobs and cries.
"Carol, I didn't know this topic was so hard on you. I'm sorry. I should have never brought it up. If I had known that you and her had a backstory, I would have never called you to introduce you to her. I just...I thought... I thought you'd be happy for me. Forgive me, Carol. Please," I say with a shaking voice. The words get more and more quiet as I place kisses on her forehead and hair.
She wipes the tears from her eyes and looks at me. Her lips curl into a small smile.
"There is nothing to forgive you for. You had no idea. I should have told you, I should have been honest from the start. I'm the one who is sorry," she replies and scoots into my lap. Once she is comfortable, she rests her head on my chest, listening to my heartbeat. My hands cup her cheeks and I carefully caress her soft skin.
"I love you, Carol. I would never do anything to harm you. I'm not mad at you for not telling me. Quite the opposite actually. I'm vey proud of you for writing your thoughts down. It's an incredibly strong decision to write your feelings down. Look at me, I confessed my love to you in a letter," I chuckle and inhale her scent. She chuckles as well, making the tense atmosphere a little lighter.

"How about we order some takeout and get comfortable on the sofa? We could watch a movie or we can just cuddle. What do you say?" I suggest and feel her get more comfortable."Yes, I'd like that," she whispers ans smiles. I love her smile. I love the way her lips curl up and how her eyes begin to shine.
I take my phone and order some Chinese food for us. Meanwhile, Carol walk to the kitchen to get us something to drink - a beer for her and some apple juice for me. She gets comfortable on the sofa again, leaning most of her weight on me. I wrap my arms around her and cover her cheeks with kisses.
"I love you, dearest. You're amazing. My young woman," she whispers and sighs contently. Her eyes close and before we even start the movie, she's asleep in my arms.

Carol Aird, I wish I would have known about your past. 
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(a/n:) Hello my lovely readers and welcome to another chapter! I hope you like this one. Seems like the past is finally catching up with our two lovebirds. 
Let me know what you think.
xoxo,
Sarah :)