Dearest - truly flung out of space

28 - the big Voyage

“Dearest, time to wake up. We need to pack your suitcase, my love,” Carol whispers in my ear while she covers my neck with light kisses. 
I mumble and bury my head further into the pillow. Her gorgeous laughter halls through the room and I feel her arms wrap around my waist. Her soft lips glide over my neck and my collarbone. I know what’s about to happen. Her warm hands slip under my shirt and start to massage my breasts carefully. I can’t help and let out a small moan which doesn’t go unnoticed by my favourite blonde. She chuckles and keeps caressing my body. Her other hand drops to the waistband of my pyjama short and I wiggle my hips a little for her to take off my pants. 

“Dearest, do you trust me?” she asks and gently bites my earlobe.
“Of course, dumbass,” I hum back. She chuckles. 
“I would like to try something new, is that okay? You will tell me when you don’t like anything, okay?” she explains and turns my head towards her face. Her beautiful blue eyes stare into my eyes and I feel myself starting to blush. 
“Y-Yeah,” I answer and let her have her way with me. I know she would never hurt me.
She kisses my lips before getting under the blanket. She keeps kissing my abdomen and stomach and my body flinches a little at her touch. She chuckles again and shortly after, I feel a warm sensation at my most sensitive body area.
“Oh,” I gasp as my body jolts up from the bed. She immediately stops and lifts her head, looking at me with a worried look.
“Too much, angel?” she asks and caresses my cheek. I shake my head.
“No. I was just surprised. K-Keep going,” I whisper as my face blushes even harder. 
Carol smiles and her head disappears under the blanket again, making me feel like I’m flying. 

“Alright… what else do you need? Passport, ID card, clothes, some snacks…. What else?” Carol asks as she puts some more clothes into my suitcase. She’s in full “mother-mode” again, packing everything and making sure I’m perfectly equipped for my travels.
“Carol, I can take care of my stuff myself,” I chuckle and hand her a towel. 
“No, love. I’m gonna take care of this, You need to rest,” she replies and packs the towel for me.
I’m so happy that she cares for me in this way but I’m not even sure if I still want to go.
“Can I meet up with Amelia later?” I ask when handing her another top. Carol chuckles and nod. 
“Absolutely. I’m not your mum, you know. You can see whoever you want,” she says and kisses my cheek which makes me blush hardly. 

“Right bestie, what’s up?” Amelia asks as she takes a sip from her Sprite. We’re waiting for our lunch in the nearest McDonalds. 
“It’s about the workshop again. I don’t want to go,” I admit and try to not meet her gaze. 
“Excuse me, WHAT?” she asks and almost chokes on the straw. I hand her a napkin so she can wipe the liquid from her cheeks.
“You heard me right. I don’t want to go. I can’t go. Carol and I talked about it and she said that I can go, that I should go even. But I can’t bring myself to do it. I can’t leave them. You know, it’s not only about Carol anymore. It’s about Rindy too. I love them both too much. And I know that Carol wants me to go. She doesn’t want to stand between me and my education. She wants the best for me and I understand that. But I’m still not sure if I’m ready,” I explain and take several sips of my Fanta in between the sentences. I’m suddenly all anxious and scared. Amelia immediately notices my change of mood and tries to cheer me up.
“Okay, I understand. But Y/N, you need to think about your future. You’re so stubborn so I don’t think I will be able to change your mind. But I want you to think about your future here. This workshop can open you so many doors in life. Maybe you can talk to Carol about it again?” Amelia tries to reassure me. She knows that I’ve already set my mind on not attempting the workshop but yet she tries to still be supportive. I appreciate her but her words are not helping a lot. 
“No, Amelia. There is nothing to talk about anymore. I've made my decision. Carol won't agree with me but I've made my decision. I can't leave her alone right now. Especially since Rindy has explained that he leaves her on her own in the nights when he goes out to party,” I explain.
“Wait what? He leaves her alone?” Amelia interrupts, clearly shocked. 
“Yes, he does. He leaves her alone for the night while he goes out to get drunk,” I explain. Amelia is visibly shocked. She didn't think that Harge would be such a treat to her daughter. 
“I understand why you don't want to go then. But are you really ready to risk this opportunity? You've always wanted to go on that thing. Ever since you started studying. But I'm your best friend so I will support you. But I don't think it's a smart decision to let Carol think you're going to go and then you will end up not going. It would be unfair on her,” she explains. I understand her. It's unfair for Carol but she is so proud of me for doing this. I can't break her heart like that.
“I know. I don't want to disappoint her. She believes in me so much. I just can't break her heart like that,” I whisper while taking a bite off my strawberry cake.
Whatever I do, I have to be honest to Carol.

The sound of aluminum foil being wrapped around something wakes me up from my little nap. I wipe my eyes and walk into the kitchen to find Carol wrapping sandwiches. 
“Dearest, hi. I'm sorry, was I too loud? I was just making some snacks for you. I thought you could use some food for the long train ride,” she explains with a proud smile on her face. She is so proud of her work and I feel sad again for disappointing her yet again.
“I'm gonna pick up Rindy in a few minutes. She wanted to say goodbye to you herself. I told her that it's not necessary but she insisted. And you know her, once she sets her mind on something, she is unstoppable. I hope you're not mad,” she explains with an innocent smile on her lips. I shake my head. How can I be mad at my little sunshine for wanting to say goodbye to me?

“Y/N, I don't want you to go,” Rindy sobs into my chest as she holds me tight. I am rubbing her back, drawing circles on her blue shirt.
“Sunshine, don't cry. You'll be okay,” I whisper as I try to calm her down. It breaks my heart that I can't tell her the truth but now I need to keep my lie up.
“T-Take this. I…I have something for you,” the little brunette whispers and hands me something from her pocket. It's a keychain with a little teddy bear. I smile at it.
“I..Mommy and I bought this for you. I paid for it. I… I called him Bluey but you can… you can re-name him if you want. But… I want him to remind you that you are important to me..,” she mumbles and hides her face in her hands. 
“Oh sunshine, you're adorable. Thank you. I will cuddle him whenever I miss you, okay?” I answer and kiss her on the forehead. I glance over at Carol who is wiping a tear away.

“Snowflake, Abby will pick you up in 10 minutes. I will bring Y/N to the train station. It's time to say goodbye,” Carol whispers and pulls her daughter away from me. 
“No,” the little girl protests and clings to my chest. I rub her back. 
“Sunshine, I'll be back sooner than you want, okay? I promise,” I whisper and kiss her forehead again. 
“I love you,” Rindy sobs. Her words break my heart. I can't do this to her. Carol might say that I should go and that they will be okay but I know they are not. 
“I love you too, little sunshine. I'll be back soon, I promise,” I say as I hug her again.
“Let's go now, Y/N,” Carol says and puts her hand on my shoulder. 

The drive to the train station is quiet. Carol is close to tears. She tries to sniff them away several times. I realize that I can't keep this lie up anymore.
“Carol, can you stop the car?” I ask and turn to her. She turns to me with a confused look.
“Don't be silly. You'll miss your train,” she answers and steps on the gas. 
“No Carol. I won't. Please, stop the car,” I almost beg her and she turns the steering wheel to stop at a nearby side road. 
“Y/N, tell me what is going on please,” Carol says as she pulls the break. 

I take a deep breath. Now it's time to reveal the big truth behind the lie. 
“Carol, I've… I've canceled the workshop. I know you didn't want me to do that but I just couldn't leave you alone. I can imagine that you might be mad or disappointed by me now but I don't mind that. I don't care about my future if I know that your life might be in danger. I couldn't leave you. You would do the exact same for me. so, I'm sorry but there is no workshop. There is no further exploration of my degree,” I explain with a shaking voice. My heart is racing as I wait for her reaction. I can imagine her yelling or at least raising her voice at me. 

I look at my favorite blonde who gets out of the car and jumps into the back seat. She gestures for me to join her and so I do what she asks me. I get out of the car and jump on the back seat, looking at Carol.
Her hands reach up to my cheeks and her thumb caresses my skin tenderly. 
“You're very stupid, do you know that? God, you're such a stubborn girl,” she says as tears roll down her cheeks. I can't read her expression. I can't really tell if she is mad, disappointed or whatever. And so I swallow. 
“I love you. I know I said that you should have gone to that workshop. But deep down I knew I couldn't let you go, I'm so sorry for putting all this pressure and pain on you. I never wanted you to have to put your education behind problems that you're not involved in. But I need you. I need you so much. I need you more than ever,” she whispers and pulls me into a hug. She buries her head in my shoulder as her tears slowly wet my shirt. I keep rubbing her back, trying to calm her down as best as I can. 
“Shh, none of this is your fault. I love you. I signed up for this. I'm here,” I whisper as I place kisses in her hair.

Carol Aird, I would be a fool to leave you in this very moment 

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(a/n:) Hello my lovely readers. I hope you had a good week and are excited for a new chapter. I just couldn't seperate these two lovebirds from one another. I have a lot of stuff planned for upcoming chapters and I hope you're as excited as me.
Love of love,
Sarah xxx