Dearest - truly flung out of space

29 - Parting

It feels weird to go back to the apartment after saying goodbye to everyone. Carol reassures me that Rindy is not there anymore. Harge must have picked her up already. 

We arrive and the rooms are quiet. No sign of my little sunshine who usually roams around my apartment, taking almost every piece of furniture apart. Carol carries my suitcase inside and packs all the neatly folded clothes back into the wardrobe. I feel incredibly stupid as my phone reminds me of the train I missed. Somehow, I’m now feeling guilty for not allowing myself the chance to further explore my degree and my possible talent. But at the same time, I could not leave Carol or Rindy alone. 

“Y/N? Can we talk?” Carol asks as she finishes putting my stuff away. Ever since we came back from the way to the train station, she’s been acting a little weird. I can’t read her expression again and I don’t know if she is mad at me or just disappointed. She could be overwhelmed too. There are so many possibilities.
We sit down on the sofa and she starts to fidget with her fingers. 
“Why did you cancel? Answer me honestly,” she asks straight away. I’m taken aback by her direct question.
“Well… I couldn’t leave you and Rindy. You guys are my life. I know how stressful the current situation for you is and how you bot are struggling. I can’t just leave for 4 weeks like nothing is happening. Your husband is on th hunt for you. If he knows I’ve left, he will do everything in his power to get you back. I was thinking about you here, Carol,” I explain and as my voice starts to shake. 
“Y/N, you know I love you for looking out for us so much, don’t you? But you can’t keep doing that. You can’t keep sacrificing your education for us. I know I said I didn’t want you to go. I know I said that I need you here, but that was in the heat of the moment. I need you to go to that workshop to support your education. This opportunity could lead you somewhere special,” she says with a firm voice. I’m now realizing that she’s not using any nicknames when addressing me. She’s using my full name which worries me. 
“But, you are more important,” I almost plead. 
“Enough! I can’t let you miss any opportunities,” she says in a raised voice. She’s acting so dismissively in this moment that a shiver runs down my back. 

“So, how did she react?” Amelia asks as we walk through the park. I’m still disappointed by the way Carol spoke to me about my decision of not going to he wokshop. 
“She was… mad,” I whisper sadly. Amelia sighs. 
“I can understand her, you know. She just wants you to do well in uni,” she says. I know she does. But I don’t think Amelia would leave Mark if he was in trouble.
“Don’t come at me with that shit! You wouldn’t leave Mark either. You’re living in your little dream land, not knowing anything about the problems of Carol and me. Don’t you dare talk to me about you understanding her when you have no idea how either of us feels,” I snap at her, “You live in your little dream world where everything is shove in your little ass. You have no idea what it is like to have the husband of your girlfriend waiting for the right time to take her away from you again. He probably wants me dead. You have no idea what it is like to constantly be judged for your decision, especially the one of your education. Your parents are always proud of you. You get everything you want, everything you ask for. If you make a decision, it gets accepted. But I make a decision of putting my family first and yet my decision won’t get accepted. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of working my ass off in uni only to spend my days in a lousy restaurant. I can’t care for my and my girlfriend financially because I can’t ask such a thing of her. She’s mentally drained and she needs to care for Rindy. You have no idea how I feel so fuck off,” I shout at her and leave the café. I don’t even pay for my lunch and just run home with tears in my eyes. Deep down I know I’m behaving like a child but I’m sick of everyone knowing more about my life than I do. 

I rush home in desperate need of a hug from my favorite blonde. When I enter the apartment, Carol is sitting on the sofa with her phone in her hand. Her expression is empty. 
“C-Carol?” I ask hesitantly. No answer. She hands me her phone and I take it with shaking hands.
“H-Hello, this is Y/L/N speaking,” I say with a shaking voice. I have no idea who is on the other side of the line. The voice doesn’t even let me ask a question.
“We have offered this workshop for more than 3 years now. We get over 200 applications every semester. Out of these people, we have to chose 16. 16 out of 200. We chose the applicants based on their grades. We chose you because every other colleague recommended you and your engagement for your studies. This was our offer for your future. And you treat our offer like it is not a major achievement. Not only did you reject our offer but you also are threatening the reputation of the university. How will applicants in the future view this workshop if our chosen students don’t even show up? I do hope that you are aware of the problems you are causing us. I won’t accept that behaviour. If I would decide, you would be excluded not only from this workshop but also from woskshops in the future. But luckily for you, your partner is fighting for you. So you get a second chance. If you don’t arrive here by tomorrow 10AM, you’ll be excluded from the workshop. Bring your student ID card. Bye,” Professor Harris says as he slams the phone and ends the call.