Dearest - truly flung out of space

36 - Changes

It's been a few weeks since we moved to the new apartment. Everything is still a little chaotic but we manage. Abby, Amelia, and Mark are helping with carrying the boxes. Amelia's dad even offered us his truck so we didn't have to pay for a moving company. I really am thankful for my friends.

I'm picking up a box with Rindy's belongings. The boxes for her room are always filled with stuffed animals, dolls and colouring books. It's a little silly but she insisted on keeping everything. While I'm taking all her stuff, she and her mom are planning her room.

Rindy is unsure if she wants light purple or pink wallpaper. Carol is letting Rindy make all the decisions. In her previous room, she wasn't allowed to decide anything about the decor. Harge took over most of the planning and he didn't really consult Carol or Rindy. For him everything needed to be practical. There was no room for creative decisions. Carol wants to change that now. Since it is RIndy's room, the little girl should be able to make it her little kingdom.

A few hours pass and Rindy finally decided on a colour. She joins me in the living room.

"Y/N? I finally made a decision for my wallpaper," she squeaks and climbs onto one of the bar stools.

"Oh really? Tell me all about it," I smile and raise an eyebrow.

"Baby blue," Rindy smiles and I tilt my head.

"Huh, baby blue? I thought you're more of a pink girly."
"I know.. but baby blue reminds me of ... home ... of you and mom," the little brunette whispers. Her words make my heart melt. She's so mature for her age.

Rindy grabs up a box and assigns me to take another one. After I did, I follow her to her room.

"Y/N, can I ask you something?" the little girl asks and sits down on her bed. She seems so small and fragile in this big bed, but she insisted on the bigger version of the four poster bed.

"Sure, sunshine. You can ask me anything, you know that," I reply and set the box on the ground.
"I ... I don't know how to say that. But ... well ... I'm scared to sleep in my own room. I know that everything here belongs to me. My toys, my stuffed animal, Bingo ... But ... I'm so used to ...," she whispers and I can tell that this topic has been troubling her for a while.

"Sunshine, don't worry. I understand that. I mean ... you've been sharing a bed with me and your mom since you moved in. I'm used to you taking my blanket and sliding in when Carol and I are cuddling. And I'm used to you pushing me out of the bed," I joke which causes the little girl to smile a little.

"I don't want it to stop ... I mean ... not that fast. I know that this place is safe, but it just doesn't feel like home ... yet," she explains and plays with her doll.

"Just because we're moving to a different place it doesn't mean that we have to change our habits. You're always welcome in our bed, I promise," I whisper and place a kiss on her forehead. Rindy smiles at me. My words seem to reassure her. The little girl leans into me and I wrap my arms around her.

"I love you, Y/N," she whispers and my heart skips a beat.

"I love you too, sunshine," I reply and sigh in relief. She's my family now. She's my little sunshine.

"But I won't call you mum, just so you know," she mumbles and I laugh.

"Don't worry, I wouldn't want that either," I reply and ruffle my hand through her hair.

"What's going on here? Cuddling without me?" Carol suddenly asks and Rindy and I look at her. She's standing in the doorway with crossed hands and a raised eyebrow.

Rindy giggles and stretches her arms out towards her mother. Carol immediately walks closer and jumps on the bed, making the little girl squeak.

"So, tell me what happened. I know something is up when my two favorite people are ganging up on me in a room," Carol whispers and props herself up on her elbows.

"Nothing much, mum," Rindy says and tries to brush the topic aside. I look at the little girl and shake my head.

"Sunshine, don't do this. Be honest with your mother," I whisper and gently nudge her shoulder.

"Hmm, I just told Y/N that... well... I'm scared to sleep in my room. I know it's safe and all my toys are there, but I still... the apartment still feels new and.. I'm scared. I just didn't want to tell you because I was scared that you would be worried. You're trying so hard and you already have so much on your plate. I love my room and I love the apartment. It's so cool and I'm so happy that I got my own room. But...," Rindy explains, her voice getting more and more quiet with each sentence.

Carol interrupts her daughter by pulling her into a hug and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek

"Oh snowflake, you can tell me that. You don't have to sleep in your own room if you are not completely comfortable with doing so. I don't think Y/N would mind that you steal our blankets for a bit more time. We love you and we want you to be comfortable. You are always welcome in our bed," Carol whispers and wipes a tear.

"Just like I told you. We both love you and I think I can tolerate you in our bed for a little while longer," I joke and join their hug.

Carol wraps her arms around us both and we cuddle for a while. Around 30 minutes later we notice small snores coming from the little girl in our middle.

My favorite blonde pulls away and carries her little daughter into our bedroom. Luckily, we decided to get a Super King size mattress which provides enough space for three people, especially our little cuddle monkey.

"I can't get over the fact she was scared to tell me. Can you imagine that your own child is keeping secrets from you? She even talked to you," Carol whispers and looks at me. The look in her eyes is sad and tiring. My hand reaches out over the head of the little girl in the middle of us, towards the cheek of my girlfriend.

My fingers gently caress the soft skin on Carol's cheek.

"Carol, she never meant to hurt you. And she wanted to tell you. She just didn't know how or when. She thought she would be ungrateful when she said that she doesn't want to sleep in her own room. You've given her so much control, letting her decide which color she wants her walls to be, letting her chose the place where her toys are stupposed to be. You tried everything to make her happy. And she understood that it was your first time being faced with such big decisions. And I understand it too, my love," I explain and trace the outline of her face. It breaks my heart that she feels guilty.

"Maybe it was too much. Maybe I put too much pressure on her. God, I'm the worst mother ever," she cries and I put my finger on her lips to silence her.

"Stop that nonsense right now! You're an incredible mother. And you know what, I would have done the same. You wanted to make it perfect. You wanted to make everything right. You wanted to give Rindy everything she was missing when living with Harge and you. It was just all a bit much at once, hm? I'm proud of you for doing your best with all the decisions. And Rindy is too. And she talked to you. She voiced her fears. And now we can work on that together, hm? You, her and me," I say and let my finger trace over her lips. She sighs and relaxes into my touch. She closes her eyes and after a while, she falls asleep. I keep watching her, occasionally glancing at the tiny brunette in our middle.

I love these two people. Never did I imagine that I will ever share a bed with Carol. Never did I think I would find such a lovely family. My parents and everyone I know used to tell me that I'll end up alone. And now, I am the happiest person.

Carol Aird, we stick together. 

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(a/n:) Hello my lovely readers! Welcome to another chapter. I feel like I denied you a chapter with only Rindy and Y/N until now, so I hope I can make up for this with this chapter. 
I really can't wait to write more. Uni is still stressful. I managed to pass my exam and the project is also done. Right now I'm working on my Bachelor's thesis. (Let's pretend I'm not doing everything last minute). 

After that is done I'll work as a substitute teacher for the month of September. This is such a big thing for me since it will be the first time I can gain practical experience with actually teaching students.
If you're interested in my journey, let me know and I will update you. 

Anyways, see you when I drop the next chapter. 
xoxo, Sarah :)