Dearest - truly flung out of space

06 - Do you trust me?

I wake up feeling incredibly weak. Instantly, I check my phone, hoping to get any notification. Nothing. Neither from Carol nor from Amelia. I cover myself with the blanket and decide that I will not go to university and work today. In all my years of working at the restaurant, I have never called in ill. But not today. I feel so incredibly weak and tired that I need this break.

My boss is mad but eventually shows a bit of understanding. I know that he is faking it, though. He never really showed any kind of emotional affection to any of the waiters. He only cares about his own reputation and the money he earns.

I text Amelia, telling her that I would stay home today. I expect her to be mad, but she understands me and reassures me that it will be okay.
For the rest of the morning, I drown myself in work. This is the only thing I was ever able to do well and so I am willing to succeed. I manage to write two essays before I decide to get some lunch in a nearby café.

As I enter, the smell of coffee and cake reaches my nose. I smile to myself, enjoying this simple moment in peace before I look for a table. And then I see her.

My heart stops. Carol is sitting on a table by the window, holding a coffee cup and looking outside. She looks absolutely angelic, wearing a red dress with heels. Her hair is carefully put together. It suits her so well. As I step forward, I notice her broken posture. She takes out a tissue and wipes something away from her cheeks. It takes some time before I realize that she is wiping away tears.

What should I do? I want to comfort her or at least be there for her. Would she even want that?
I push the thought away and make my way to her table. My heart is racing, but I try to keep my cool.

"Is this seat taken?" I ask in a friendly voice and point to the chair opposite of her.
She doesn't look up, sniffing away the tears and shakes her head.
Hesitantly, I sit down. Silence fills the air. It's not uncomfortable, but I want to give her a bit of time to settle. It surprises me that she hasn't recognized my voice yet.

"Carol?" I gently ask. She lifts her head, meeting my eyes. Her face is red from the crying, her eyes are puffy. Her lipstick is slightly smeared, but she still is the most beautiful woman in the café.
"Oh, Y/N," she whispers and gently smiles.
"I saw you crying. Is everything okay? Do you... Do you want to talk about it?" I ask and tilt my head.
She doesn't reply, lowering her head again.

Her coffee is almost finished and so I wait for her to empty the cup. I don't want her to be exposed to all the people, and so I decide to get us both out of here.
"Let's go," I suggest the second her cup is empty. She looks confused but eventually joins me to get out of the café. We walk to her car. I feel incredibly useless since I can't even offer her a drive. I hesitate in my movement.
"Everything alright?" she asks. Carol has calmed down, which I'm very glad about.
"I feel useless. I wish I could drive you. I don't want you to drive in that vulnerable state of yours," I admit and look at the ground.
For the first time today, I hear her beautiful laugh.
"Don't worry. Driving helps me calm down. Just tell me where to go" she says and gets in the car. I suggest we go to my apartment and she agrees.

The drive is quiet. A comfortable silence fills the car. With Carol, I never feel the need to talk. She doesn't force me to open myself up or start a conversation. Sometimes, I feel like she enjoys the silence, too.

We arrive at my apartment and I show her around. It's not big but it does the job.
"It's nice here," she says as she sits down on the sofa. Her eyes scan the small living space and eventually focus on a children's photo of me. She gets up to take a closer look at it. Meanwhile, I prepare some drinks. Suddenly, I hear her sniff again and become concerned immediately.

I approach her and see that her delicate fingers are stroking the picture of my 6 year old self.
"Is this you?" she asks. Her voice is so quiet, I almost imagine her saying it.
"Yes" I reply and smile.
Carol starts to sob. My smile quickly fades. I get closer to her and gently place my hand on her shoulder, expecting her to pull away. To my surprise, her hand comes up to mine and holds in gently.