Dearest - truly flung out of space

04 - The start of something new?

I wake up to pain in my knuckle. It's a lot better than yesterday but it still hurts.
Rolling onto my back, I look at the ceiling of my apartment, thinking about the past day. It was a complete and disgraceful mess. Usually, I am good with observing my surroundings, being quick to identify the next move of others. But the whole situation caught me off guard. It’s embarrassing how Abby and Carol needed to help me. I quickly call my workplace to tell them that I won’t be coming in today.

My phone buzzes and I’m certain that Amelia has sent another text about how much she likes her new sweetheart Mark. To my surprise I see an unknown number popping up at the top of my screen.

unknown number
Hey Y/N
It's Carol Aird.
There was no need for you to add your work place behind your name. Believe me or not but I do remember you. How’s the hand? I do hope it’s feeling better. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.
Carol x

I instantly smile at her message, thinking about a possible response.
She generally seems to care about me. The feeling is new but I'm starting to like it.

I type my response.

Y/N
Hello Mrs. Aird.
It’s nice of you to text me. Yes, the hand is feeling a bit better. I still feel pain but nothing that some cream and an icepack can’t fix. Thank you so much for your help yesterday. I was wondering if you would be free some evening. If it’s okay for you, I’d like to invite you for dinner as compensation for the little incident yesterday.

Yes, this message is bold but I honestly don’t care. I patiently wait for a response, feeling silly with how excited I get.
She reads the message but doesn’t respond. Instead her status changes to “offline”. I’m slightly sad and disappointed, feeling like my message was inappropriate.

It’s obvious that someone like Carol Aird would never go out with me, even to only have dinner. What was I even thinking?

After breakfast, I prepare some university work. I want to get as much work done as possible today. I had this strange habit of drowning myself in work to silence my thoughts and feelings. I was never good at dealing with feelings so I chose to shut them off most of the time.

My phone buzzes again. I instantly grab it, smiling to myself in hopes to see a message from Carol. But instead, I receive a message from Amelia. My smile quickly fades.

Amelia :)
Hey Y/N, how are you? Mark and I are currently on a date and I thought you might like to meet him. We are at the bar, waiting for you. :)

I think about her message. Amelia just wants me to be involved since she knows my social life is… well, limited. But I don’t want to be the side girl, the girl she has to take with her on her dates so she sees the sunlight at least a few times. I was never popular, having almost no friends. I guess I fell under the typical stereotype of a nerd, being lonely most of the time. Of course, I had crushes on the boys in my classes but being a boring and shy girl, my choices were limited and I never succeeded. Most of the boys thought I was weird. I never went to prom or anything because I couldn’t bear the public humiliation of not being chosen by anyone.

My fingers start to type.

Y/N
Hey, honestly I don't think it is such a good idea. I appreciate you always looking out for me but I don’t think Mark would be happy if I would interrupt your date.

Amelia :)
Y/N, what are you saying?

Y/N
Amelia, it’s obvious. Whenever you introduced me to your boyfriends, they acted weird. They don’t want me, they only want you. I want you to be happy and I’ll be rooting for you from here. Have fun <3

I don’t wait for an answer, tossing my phone on the bed to continue working on the essays I planned to finish. It took multiple attempts to order my thoughts.
After finishing one essay, I am told to write a poem about love. Usually, I hate these cliché ideas of platonic love and so I spice things up a bit.

I long to text you,
call you,
hear your voice.
But life feels like I don't have a choice.

I wish you’d understand how I see you in the sunlight,
if only you could see your beautiful eyes shine so bright.
Blue as the ocean, even more special and pure,
looking at you, I feel so secure.

Now I’m lost, lost in thought,
forgetting all the rules I was taught.
I wish I could express my feelings in words,
when all I hear is the singing of the birds.

They sang so beautifully on the day we met,
Your character is one I’d never forget.
And yet I long to have you back,
My days without you are just black.

So please believe you mean everything to me,
oh how wonderful life with you would be.
I’d give you all the love I have for you,
oh my darling, if only you’d knew.

But you are not mine and I have no right to ask,
Hiding my thoughts so they don’t get unmasked.
In another life would you choose me?
To imagine how wonderful life with you would be.

But you’re not with me but with him,
and to me it feels like it’s a sin.
To long for someone I can’t have,
will forever cut my heart in half.

(a/n: Yes, I wrote that myself)

The words resonate with my feelings. I have a certain blonde in my head. It’s stupid to even have these thoughts about her. To even think that someone like her would like someone like me. And for the worst of all, she’s married. Married to an asshole but she is married. What a coward I am to even imagine having a chance with her.
I’ve never felt like that towards anyone, let alone a woman.

I decide to stop working on uni work and check my phone.
Amelia hasn’t answered my text but she read it. Surprisingly, I received a message from a certain blonde while I was working.

Carol Aird
I’m very glad to hear your hand is doing better. Make sure to rest well. It’s lovely of you to invite me for dinner, I’d be a fool to turn such a nice offer down. So yes, you can invite me to dinner. But I insist on paying because I know that university students are always a bit short on money. You can decide where to go. And please, call me Carol.
Have a good evening dear.
Carol x

The message had arrived shortly after I sent her the invitation. So she didn’t ignore me. I smile to myself.

Y/N
Thank you, Carol.
I will pick a place and surprise you. Let me know when you have time.
I also hope you have a good evening :)

I send the message and throw the phone on the bed. The thought of going out with Carol Aird feels unreal. It wasn't going to be a date, more like a formal way of saying 'thank you' but it still feels like it. What would I wear?

My head is flooded with questions. And before I know it, I start to make lists. Lists with possible outfits, catchphrases to start conversations and, of course, possible restaurant choices. After some time I find a restaurant which seems to fit my expectations. It's cuisine style and even allows smoking. The prices seem to be okay. Even though I want to choose a fancy restaurant, I don't want the prices to be too high.

I quickly send Carol a screenshot of the opening hours of the restaurant, keeping the name secret. We agree to meet next Thursday.  I have work then but I’m certain that I can change the shifts with someone else.

With a smile on my face, I fall asleep.

Carol Aird, it's a date.