Dearest - truly flung out of space

17 - Decisions

"Hey bestie, did you see? You can register for the workshop now," Amelia says while taking a bite of her sandwich.
"I don't know if I want to," I answer plainly.
"Are you kidding? You would kill for this workshop. You always wanted to participate! You're definitely signing up for it. If you don't do it yourself, I'll force you. Why don't you want to sign up?" Amelia doesn't understand my thinking. She's right though, I would have killed for this workshop 2 semesters ago. I was always jealous when I wasn't chosen. Only the best students get picked and so everyone wants to participate.

"Y/N, you wanted to take part in this workshop so badly. Why are you acting so weird now? What's the problem?" she asks. She doesn't understand my thinking. I don't even understand my thinking.
"I don't want to leave Carol. Everything is going so well at the moment. What if Harge comes back while I'm away? If I get picked at all," I whisper.
Amelia just sighs.
"I understand that you care about her but I don't think you should put her needs above yours. You have this dream and you want to realize it. And Carol will certainly support you, she says and takes a sip of her water.

"Hello, darling. How was uni?" Carol says the second I walk through the door. I smile when I hear her velvet voice. It's a small highlight at the end of my day. I don't say anything and just walk over to her to hug her tightly. I bury my face in her neck and inhale her scent.
"Dearest, what's wrong? Hey...," she whispers as she leaves a kiss in my hair.
"It's just all so much. Carol, I'm so tired of everything," I admit with tears in my eyes. She tightens her grip around me.
"Shh, I'm here. Tell me what's going on," she whispers and pats the back of my head.
"I don't know what's wrong. I just... I feel so overwhelmed with everything. With uni and work. There is a workshop we can sign up for. I've been dying to participate but now I don't want to sign up at all," I whisper between sobs. I cling to her body and bury my face in her neck. It's all crashing down on me. I don't want to annoy Carol with my issues but I can't bottle them up anymore.
"Dearest, it's okay. I'm here. Let's sit down, shall we?" Carol suggests and leads me to the sofa with her hand on my back. Her gesture has become some sort of comfort for me. It feels good to have her hand on my back. It feels like I can physically rely on it.

"Tell me what's going on in that pretty head of yours," Carol whispers as she pats my back. I snuff and try to hide the tears which now flow freely down my face.
Carol reassures me that it's okay to cry. She wipes my tears with her palm and kisses my cheek. She's being understanding. She doesn't force me to speak, she doesn't push me.

I tell her everything. I tell her about the workshop, about the struggles in my studies, about work. I complain for a while but Carol listens. Carol doesn't judge. She never would judge. She sits there, strokes her thumb over my hand, and just listens.

"Sweetheart, that is a lot. Why didn't you tell me earlier? You know you can talk to me," she reassures me. Her voice is calm and I know that she is right. But I feel so guilty putting even more pressure on her with my struggles.
"Y/N, you're putting me on a pedestal, that's not how it should be. I appreciate your care and I'm so happy you're so understanding with everything going on but please, you have to talk to me when you struggle. That's what I'm here for. I'm your girlfriend and my task is to help and support you. Come on, let's get your laptop. That workshop, is that helpful for your career?"

I nod.
"Yeah. It would be because there we learn a lot about how to deliver poetry. It's a huge thing. Only a limited number of students get accepted. I think... 16. 16 students out of the whole university. I have no chance," I say, disappointment filling my voice.
"Do not say that, Y/N. You have a chance. You're working so hard! Come on, tell me how to sign up for this. Do you have to do it online?" Carol asks and grabs the computer. I see the determination in her eyes. If I won't sign up for this workshop, she will. Without question.

I open the website and type in my personal information. Carol watches my every move and helps me.
"You have to fill out this gap. Add your E-Mail," she instructs me and add my mail address. Carol is in full "mun-mode", making sure I'm not missing something.

"Alright. Done," I smile and submit the application.
"Good girl," Carol says and smiles. I feel the butterflies in my stomach. It's a wonderful feeling.
"Can I take you out for dinner, dearest?" she asks and I nod.
"I want to try a new restaurant. Would it be okay if Abby came too?" she asks with a bit of hesitation.
"Absolutely. Maybe Amelia can come too? Then you can get to know her," I reply with a shaking voice.
Carol smiles and a few minutes later we call Abby and Amelia to invite them.

"Hey Amelia," I whisper as I hug my best friend. She and Abby arrive at the same time. After a second, I also pull Abby into a hug.
Carol is already seated at the table. She smiles at Abby and stands up to greet Amelia.
"It's very nice to meet you," she says and smiles at my best friend, "Y/N already told me a lot about you."
Amelia is shy, something that is very unusual for her.
"Hello Mrs. Aird. It's... very nice to meet you too. Y/N talks a lot about you too," she stutters and I can't hide my laughter.
"Oh, please, call me Carol, dear. We're friends now," Carol smiles and we order our dinner. The conversations are pleasant, and we all seem to get along very well. Time passes quickly and before we know it's nearly midnight.
We say our goodbyes and Carol pays for us all. When she drives us home, we hold hands.

"How did you like dinner, dearest?" Carol asks while she takes a turn.
"It was good. I mean, I think Amelia and Abby get along well. I had fun. Did you?" I return the question.
"I did. But I couldn't keep thinking about what I wanted to do after dinner. You look so beautiful. You're very distracting," she teases and I blush deeply. I chuckle and try to find the right words to say.

After we get home, Carol and I cuddle up on the couch. Carol wraps her arms around me and Irest my head on her shoulder.
"Carol?" I ask in a whisper. She looks at me, her blue eyes looking straight into my soul.
"Yes Y/N?" she asks and brushes a strand of my hair out of my face.
"Do you think that I could actually make it? I mean... being picked for the workshop? It would be a very big thing....," I stutter and fidget with my fingers. For a few seconds, we both stay silent.
"Dearest, of course you will. They would be insane if they wouldn't pick you. Your grades are amazing. You dedicate so much time to your essays. I know how hard you work, my love. And your professors do too. And you know what? If you don't get picked, I'll sue the university," she says and tries to hide her laughter. I put on a small smile and slightly punch her arm.
"You're crazy," I joke and put my head back onto her shoulder. Carol leans in to kiss my forehead.

Suddenly, her phone rings.
"God, whoever this is I want to shoot them," she whispers and I chuckle.
"Carol, you should pick up. It might be important," I answer and hand her the phone. The second she sees the display, she freezes. Her face drops and it goes pale. I immediately know who it is calling: Harge.

I take Carols' hand and nod my head to get her to answer the call.

Her hand is shaking but she tries to play it cool.

"H-Hello?" she asks.

Carol Aird, I'm here for you.

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(a/n:) Hello, my lovely readers! Another chapter has been dropped. Yay. I'm so happy I'm back to writing. I missed it so much. Anways, I hope you have a wonderful start into the new week and I hope to see you next week. Until then, take care :)