ROAMING THE EARTH | JYH

20. Ji

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It's been three months since I last saw him, yet his memory was fresh in my mind. I drove back to the forest everyday for the past weeks, somehow I was hoping he'll be there. I was hoping I'll find him again, laying cold on the road, waiting for me to save him. But that never happened. He never came back, not even in my dreams.

"Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom" I said soon after blowing the candles.

I want him here, tonight more than ever. I wanted him with me for my twenty fifth birthday. I wanted us to be twenty five together, now and for always. But he wasn't here, and I was alone, surrounded by the love of everyone around me, except it wasn't the love I craved. I wanted his love.

Tears were welling up in my eyes again as I stumbled on my feet, colliding with a body on my way to the bathroom. His touch sent shivers all over my body, and as I looked up I noticed the boy looking down on me.

"I'm-I'm sorry. I should've been more careful" His voice was soft and quiet.
"It's ok, it's my fault, I wasn't paying attention" I swallowed the lump in my throat smiling back at the stranger as we locked eyes. Those eyes "Have we seen each other before?" I felt myself suddenly asking.

"I don't think so, I'm new in this city" He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. I must miss him way more than I thought, because even that gesture felt familiar to me "Uhm, I saw it's your birthday today. Happy birthday" He smiled back at me.
"Yes it is. Thank you" His table must've been close to ours, not that it mattered actually. When Wooyoung started yelling happy birthday, I'm pretty sure even God himself heard it.

"What did you wish for?" His question came fast and I wasn't ready for that, tears welling up in my eyes again.
"I wished for happiness" I sighed "Not for me, for the boy I love" I showed him a weak smile, walking away. I wasn't ready to burst out crying in front of a stranger, so I waited until I was inside the bathroom, tightening my grip on the sink ends as tears flooded my face.

It was true, that's what I wished for. That's what I wish him, happiness and peace. I want him to be happy and healthy always, but I wished for another thing as well, and I didn't tell that to the stranger. I wished to see him one more time, to hug him and tell him goodbye. He left me behind, heartbroken, without saying goodbye, and that broke me even more. I'll never stop loving him, I just want closure.

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"Today was a good day, right JiJi?" Seonghwa asked me as soon as we entered inside the apartment.
"It was" I sighed "But my feet are killing me. Why can't I wear combat boots with dresses?" I said tossing my heels across the room as Seonghwa rolled his eyes running to find them. Clean freak brain, can't blame him.

I plopped on the couch, resting my feet on the coffee table as he took a seat next to me. I looked around the apartment with saddened eyes. I can't believe I'll move back to Busan tomorrow after all I ever wanted was to live here, but now I can't call this home anymore. This place holds my happiness and my pain all together and it's just too much for me.

"Cheer up!" Seonghwa said holding a tiny bottle with strawberry milk, shaking it in front of my eyes "I think we'll be way more happier back home than we are here" He said casually poking the lid of his drink.
"I hope so too" I sighed doing the same.

"Cheers JiJi" He held his drink up "And let's be happy" I looked at him smiling
"To happiness" And our drinks collided together.

I excused myself after half an hour more of talking and entered in my bedroom, all I want to do is close my eyes and sleep my problems away. As I approached the bed I noticed something strange on it. A bouquet of hyacinths and a letter. The cursive Ji written on it telling me it is in fact for me, and it's not a mistake. I removed the dress off of my body, dressing myself again with baby pink silk pajamas as I sat down on the bed, crossing my legs under my body. The intoxicating perfume of the hyacinths blurring my senses. Could it be? I opened the letter fast as a gasp left my body.