When LOVE is not Enough

Chapter 38 - Angel

"I can't believe we allowed you to bring us here again. This is torture", Lily complained the moment we stepped into the gym. "Tony baby!!", Iris shouted then pushed us aside and ran into Anthony's arms who had a huge smile on his face the moment he saw her. "My woman. I missed you baby. No sleepovers until you're eighty", he said making us all laugh. "That's technically not possible Uncle Anthony", Alice said with a smile earning a wink from her Uncle. "Let's go change guys", I said making Alice pull me and Lily to the locker room. Iris came a few minutes later.

"What do you mean the girls?", I heard Axel asking. "Oh, the whole squad is here man", Anthony said the moment we walked out. "Hi Dad!", Alice said then rushed to him and kissed his cheek. "Bye guys!", she shouted while going up the stairs to the swimming pool area. "Hey future in-law", Iris said hugging him then Lily did the same and finally it was my turn, I pulled him in a kiss making him smile. "Hey Partner", "Hi there", I answered with a smile. "I didn't think you'd come today being holiday break and all", he said with a kiss on my temple. "Well handsome, you thought wrong", I replied with a wink making him chuckle.

"Let me go change and I'll be with you in a blink", he said and I nod looking at him as he went into the men's locker room. "He looks rough, I think it's time you give him what he needs if you know what I mean", Iris said wiggling her brows just in time for Axel to appear from the locker room making me chuckle. "What are you guys talking about?", "Nothing, let's go", I said in a hurry pulling him to the aerobics class.

"Can I talk to you for a second?", Axel said the moment we were about to enter the café. "Yeah sure", I said nervously as the rest of the gang went into the café. "I started seeing a therapist today and during the first session she asked me why I thought I needed to have a session with her and I said 'Because I want to fix my relationship' but as the session went on, I realised something. This whole insecurity issue has nothing to do with you. It's all me and I need to be better for you. I can't do that and at the same time be there for you, so I would like for us to take a break so that I can focus on that for now, if that's ok with you", he said then swallowed hard.

"Axel, I don't understand, what do you mean?", I asked feeling my heart beating faster. It was good news and I was happy that he was facing his demons meaning I didn't have to talk to Blake anymore but why did he have to do it without me? I thought we would walk this path together. I thought we were a family. "I mean that I want us to put our relationship on pause until I'm done with therapy", he said putting his hands in his front pockets. "H-h-how long are we talking about?", I asked hoping that he didn't pick up on how broken I was. "As long as it takes, I guess, I can't continue to be the disappointment in this relationship. I need to be able to see you with another man who admires you in the same room and not think that you will run to him the moment he tells you he can offer you more than I can. I need to feel confident enough to trust that you won't leave me. Angel, I need to be a better man for you", he said with so much emotion.

I wanted to fight him and say that we're a family, remind him of the promises he made of not breaking us up but I found myself speechless. "Is that what you really want?", I asked trying to hold back the tears. "Yes", he said with a straight face and I knew I was the only one who thought that this was something we could go through together as a couple but I had to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Please don't cry, Angel. I'm doing this for us, for our future", he pleaded and made me realise that I was crying. How could I miss that? I wiped my tears away and took a couple of deep breaths making sure to push his hand away when he tried to calm me by running his hand on my back in a soothing manner. This was not something I was expecting from him but I had to look at the bigger picture, he was seeing a therapist, and he had accepted that he had a problem. When I was settled, I walked into the café leaving him following behind.

"What did you order for me?", I asked Alice after seeing that she was studying me. "Oh, uh, cheeseburger as usual", she said nervously. I knew she noticed but I decided to ignore it. It was too early for me to address it and I was not going to be the one to explain what was happening to Alice. "Awesome!", I said pulling her in a hug. We ate and I had to pretend that I didn't feel like Axel just chose to lock me out when he was at his lowest.

I wanted to be there for him, I felt hurt and betrayed but I didn't need my friends to come in between that. Lily was just starting to let go and enjoy her relationship with Blake and I couldn't make her choose. Iris never opened up to anyone but she did to Axel and I needed to keep it that way because when she decides to shut down, there's no fixing that, she's that protective of me.

When I got home, I took the shower, I was about to go to bed when my phone rang, I looked at the caller ID and it was Alice, I had second thoughts but I decided to pick up anyways. "Hi Angel, is everything ok? Please tell me the truth, I know you were crying from how your eyes were puffy when you and Dad walked into the café. What did Dad say to you?", she asked sounding very nervous. "Alice, I think you should talk to your Dad about this. I'm not the right person and I don't want to sound rude or anything but I think he should be the one to explain things to you", I said then hung up. Tears flooded my eyes and all I could think about was how much I had invested in my relationship with Axel but all I got back was doubt. It hurt to see that my love was not reciprocated.