KILLER. 🩸

41

Aries POV

The map of wrinkles on his face told of the most incredible journey, the battles he had overcome, the joys he experienced, the love he gave.

I never really noticed them. I never really thought about anyone I care about actually reaching a ripe old age. It always seemed to be some distant destination on some horizon uncharted but as if it had happened overnight I was seeing Papi in a new light.

Oxidisation had set in, staining his hair the colour of silver in every hue. His voice had changed too, slower paced with more pauses and a different pitch. Old age was swallowing him whole and leaning behind the ghost of his former self.

"I have to ask something Aries." My heart flipped a beat, today he hasn't slipped up on my name once. That was progress, right?

"Sure Papi," I scooted closer to him, "anything."

"Aries, I don't want to live anymore." Discomfort pummelled into me and echoed around my entire body with the heaviness of this conversation. I sat back in my chair feeling watched.

"Don't say that Papi, you've been back to your normal self today, maybe—"

"No Aries, it doesn't get better. It doesn't steady. This is it for me, I will decline until I die."

The tears rolled silently down my cheeks. I clasped hold of his head and rested it against my forehead, saying a prayer in my head.

"So I'm asking you to make it sooner for me." My eyes shot up to him in alarm. "If you inject me with more of that medication, I'll fall into a deep sleep because my heart rate will slow and eventually stop."

"No." I shot back in the chair, releasing his hand. "No." I repeated, alarm and fear rushing through me. "You can't ask me to that. This is slow, we have more time. You could have years of good days left."

"Aries, I lived my good days. I've seen my beautiful daughter grow into adulthood and get married. I've drove your Noona crazy and made her laugh endlessly. And I watched you find your way, open yourself up to love. I'm not worried about any of you Aries, I'm accomplished, my heart is full and I am incredibly proud. I am going to die Aries, I've lived all I want to remember."

"No, stop!" I yelled at him, working myself up into a meltdown.

These feelings were no longer trapped inside of me. I was fucking heartbroken and it was showing. Anger, upset, fear, dread, hate. So much negativity flowing through I had no idea how to control it so I shouted at the dying man which only added guilt to the bunch.

"Don't ask me to that, don't say all of that. You're not proud of me, you can't be proud of me. I am a terrible person!"

He shook his head, "you were a product of your trauma but not anymore Aries. The doors have been opened for you and now you can walk through them and be free."

"You don't know what I've done."

"I do Aries, I have always known what Doug Morgan did to you. What he turned you into, which is exactly why I'm asking you to do it again. For me. Do it one last time, let me go Aries."

"I can't." I cried.

"Aries, I'm not saying won't hurt, you have been grieving me for a long time and I'm not even dead yet. You can not heal when I'm still lingering on, lost somewhere in my own mind.
I'm asking you to do this, if not just for me then for yourself. For Lindsay. For Noona. End this for me and you can begin to heal."