Bell the white core mage (Being rewritten)

I'm afraid

Ryu POV

We didn't find the monsters that escaped to the surface, they were hidden pretty well. But why did Bell protect them? Is there something I'm missing?

I could ask him, but would he tell me? We did mend our bridge after all. Maybe I shouldn't ask him as Dawn's Ballad matched the wound on Dix's neck. Meaning Bell killed him.

I better go talk to him. Taking a life isn't easy and I've taken multiple. Seeing as I wasn't gonna find any trace of the monsters I decided to head back home.

I knew Bell was innocent, the reason why he was arrested was because he walked out of a known Evilus base and helped monsters run amok. He'll be cleared in a day or two.

Walking through the front door and to my room I took off my adventurer clothes and set them aside, I grabbed a blue t-shirt and a pair of shorts putting them on, and walked to the holding cells.

I opened the door and saw Bell curled in a ball on the bench. He was quiet, unmoving and staring at the wall. But I could tell by his breathing he was still awake.

He didn't turn to face me or even register I had entered. I pulled up a chair and placed it in front of his cell. "Bell, can we talk"

Bell uncurled and turned to look at me. The look of sadness and regret in his eyes broke my heart. He looked so defeated because of killing a single man.

"What's up," he asked in a voice void of any emotion.

I sighed and looked at him. I wouldn't shy away from his gaze, not when he needs someone to comfort him. "Do you know why I work at the hostess of fertility"

Bell shook his head. "No, but Lunoire said you did something you regret"

I let out a sigh as I put my hand on my forehead. "Yeah I did, I think it's time I tell you, what I did"

He looked confused. "Why?"

I looked at him and grabbed his hand through the bars. "Because, you look like you could use some help"

Bell didn't say anything, he didn't even react to my touch, but just stared at me and nodded his head telling me to continue.

I let out a deep breath, and then spoke. "After we survived the juggernaut I went on a rampage, I was so consumed with rage at seeing my familia all injured or half dead, I killed anyone who was a part of Evilus or even connected to them, I used traps poisons, my wind magic, anything I could use to kill them I did, after it was all over the body count was so high I lost count, but when it was finally done I resigned myself to die, I was afraid to come back here as I feared everyone would look at me with fear or disappointment, I collapsed in an alleyway from exhaustion, and that's when Syr found me, she brought me back to the hostess and Mia took care of me, and well I bet you can guess the rest"

He was quiet for a moment as it looked like he was thinking. "Does it ever get any easier?" he asked.

His voice was filled with hesitation and curiosity.

I squeezed his hand. "No, but one day the guilt you feel will get smaller and smaller, but you will still feel that guilt, I still feel that type of guilt even to this day"

He nodded his head. "I know he wasn't a good person, but, I still feel bad, I don't know why I do, I just do"

"And that's to be expected, Bell killing a person isn't an easy thing, once you kill someone their life is over, that's why you feel bad, because you ended a person's life, it doesn't matter if they were good or bad they were still a person"

He nodded his head. "I think, I think I understand what you're saying"

We sat there in silence for a moment until I had to ask the question everyone wanted to know.