Guardians of Love
My heart starts to palpitate as he utter those question. Please, I’m not yet ready for this.
“It is none of your b-business at b-bakit ka pa sumunod dito?” I tried to calm myself and stop the this over flowing emotions that suddenly appears.
He innocently show the bag that he is holding which belongs to me.
“I just wanted to give it to you, you left it in my car when you rush to run in here.” he explained.
I walk towards him and get my bag.
“Thank you, you can leave now.”
“What happened? and may I know who’s that baby? Is she your younger sibling? I didn’t know na nanganak po pala kayo ulit tita.” he asks and smile warmly to my mom.
“Can you leave now, Wayde? Please.” I almost beg, as my voice cracks.
“Okay. Tita good evening po, I need to go.” pagpaalam nya kay mama at tumango naman si mama sa kanya.
The over flowing emotions inside me right now made me burst into tears. As my knees gets weaker and weaker napaupo na lamang ako sa sahig. I don’t know what's going on.
“Anak, calm down.” my mom utter those words as she walks towards my direction and give me a warm hug while tapping ma back.
I don’t know why I’m so weak when it comes to him. This is the first time that he saw my child, our child, and it really gives me shivers down my spine as he keeps on asking who’s child was her, as if he would take my daughter away from me anytime. I’m so nervous to the point that I can’t even control my voice and it keeps on cracking as I talk to him.
I never thought I would feel this so much fear when he will see my daughter for the first time. I was under with the cloud of fears who keep on asking myself what if he will find everything out? What if he will take my daughter away from me? What if I will never see my daughter ever again? What will I do? Could I survive? I don't know but one thing is for sure, I will never let him take my daughter from me. I will never let my daughter recognize him as his father or even tell her his existence. After everything he did, after all the pain he cause and after all those things I've been through which I almost die, He doesn't deserve my daughter; he even deserves nothing in this world but shame.
“Anak?”
“Yes mom?”
“You're still not ready?”
“Ready about what, mom?”
“I know that you loath him so much but you also know that you can’t keep everything forever right? Even if you will burn something, it’s ashes will still spread in the air.”
“I have no plans to tell him about Szhen mom, he will never know about her.”
“I understand what you feel right now anak, I honestly do. But what if he’ll find out? What will you do? You know that we can’t control everything.”
“I will never let him take my daughter away from me or even let him come closer to my daughter.”
“What if Szhen will ask about her father? Or long for a fathers love and presence?”
“I may sound selfish but I will do everything to stand and fulfill all his obligations. I can stand as her father figure so she will not search the presence of her dumb ass father.”
“Anak let me tell you this. Your grand parents doesn’t like me for your dad, they mock me and even step on my dignity and pride but I didn’t left to save myself, I sacrifice everything just for you so you will grow having your fathers guidance. I was also abuse by your dad back then, he drained me physically and emotionally but I endure all the pain because I love you. As parents, there are times that we needed to sacrifice everything for the goodness of our child.” mahabang lantiya nya, bakas sa mga mata nya ang luhang nagbabadyang lumabas.
“Mom, never ever lock yourself or even your daughter in a toxic family situation just to make your family entact. You don’t deserve all those pain and you don’t deserve the toxic treatment they keep on giving you until now. We should stand oir ground too, we are not slaves.” I said as I keep on tapping her shoulders to make her feel comfort.
“I better have a shattered family and broken family set up than to make you suffer from all of their evil doings, I love you so much mom and I can never let other people hurt you even my own dad, his siblings, even my grand parents, I might lost all my manners.”
“Thank you for always being in my side anak and standing up for me, things that I can never make because I am swallowed with fear. Sorry for being so weak anak, I know that I am the one who supposed to protect you from all of them but I just can’t stand on my own.” she sadly expalained.
“I will always protect you mom and Szhen from all the people that might cause pain to the both of you, I promise to stand as a wall and I will make sure they can’t pass from me.”
“I promise anak to never leave you behind, I will always stay in your side to help you, to take good care of Szhen and stand to give you moral support and to be your source of emotional strength, I promise I will be a better mother to you.”
“You are not better mom, you are the best. You maybe have flaws and imperfections which is normal, but mom always remember that I’m proud of you, I’m happy that you are my mother and I love you more than you could ever imagine. I will be forever thankful to God that he gave me the best mother.”
“I love you so much anak, and I’m so proud of you now, I’m so proud that you grow up as a very strong woman who doesn’t give up even life throw you so much shts.”
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