Me and the Devil: Sebastian Sallow

Chapter NINETY SIX - Blue

(Movies - Weyes Blood)

The air seemed at odds with itself, crushed and cursed between my lungs.

Snowflakes freckled my skin, cold and crisp against the warmth of my veins and shadows from the empty tree branches crept across the back yard like cracks in my heart. 

Expected to conjure my happiest memory from beneath the blanket of delusion, my hands shook under Anne's guidance. Ominis had forced her to wear his thick gloves, the tips of her fingers not so much as grazing the ends but she persisted all the same. 

Her voice, at least, calm and comforting as she wrapped her hand around my wrist and repeating the wand movement again and again.

"Great job. Perfect!" She cheered and Ominis grinned from his spot aside Sebastian whose forced smile shot shivers down my spine and I had to keep my eyes on the horizon, thoughts among the clouds.

"Now all you need is a powerful memory... the happiest you can remember. Allow it to fill you up." 

I took a deep breath and smiled back to the bundled beauty, her cheeks red and under eye bags dark. Yet somehow, her eyes still seemed to glow as she watched.

Rolling my shoulders back and pressing my eyelids shut I willed the happiness through my bones. 

Images of my parents smiling faces traced the edges of the darkness.

"Expecto patronum." I tried but their eyes flashed soulless and empty and the words came out broken.

"Go again." Anne whispered.

I thought back to my arrival here, speeding past all memories of the dragon and Ranrok and the Keepers and the ancient magic.

I tried again with images of Sebastian's toothy grin walking me to Hogsmeade that first time. His suggestion of a green quill at my first shop, the look in his eyes as he talked about Anne, the drip of my clothes as we waded through the water to watch the sunset.

Nothing.

I held my palm tight to the wood of my wand, grounding myself to the slightly rough bit at the bottom.

The happiest you can remember.

Anne's smile flickered over my lashes.

The field with glowing flowers, the way my hands had shook sitting next to Sebastian. The way his breath had stopped and he'd confessed. Lips crashing through tension.

"Expecto- patronum."

Something sparked in my blood as I cast the spell but I jumped back, worries of ancient magic flickering through my fingers.

I opened my eyes, chin tilted down and something thick working at the back of my throat.

"It's ok! You'll get it. I know you will." Anne tapped a hand to my shoulder and rubbed her thumb across it gently before she stepped back.

I pulled my eyes shut again and felt my heartbeat pounding against my ribs, could feel my lungs struggling to function properly. 

The air felt too cold, 

my jacket too scratchy, 

the sound of the snowfall too loud.

I hadn't noticed Sebastian move from the bench until the warmth of his skin pressed to my cheek. I recognized the trace of cedar wood and rough pads of his fingers.

"Sweetheart?" His voice low and brushing my heart.

I tilted my chin to his touch but hesitated to look at him, worried to receive that blank smile.

"Sweetheart, open your eyes."

I swallowed my fear and blinked up to him. His smile gone, dips of blank behind his face but his eyes watched me thoughtfully. The warmth of his fingers brushed down my face and palm placed against the top of my chest.

"Feel that? Feel my hand?"

I nodded.

"Concentrate on the warmth. Then I want you to take a big breath. Lift your lungs to my hand ok?"

I nodded again. Forcing my thoughts from all else, entangling them with the heat of his hand. Feeling entirely unstable, I dipped my chin to look at his hand. My lips twitched as my eyes crossed over a couple of freckles on his fingers.

In in in in in.

"There you go." Sebastian hummed. "I'm so proud of you."

My lip trembled and I tipped my nose back up to him. He was still smiling and though the hint of that false happiness teetered on the edge there was something else there. 

Something reserved just for me. 

He leaned close and pressed a kiss to my temple, whispering to the shell of my ear. "I love you."

And I knew it would work.

I knew.

I felt.

Knew the happiness I had felt only last night would hold strong if only I let it.

Righting my shoulders, breathing deeply once more I raised my wand and through closed eyes let the whispers of confession smother the denial.

I love you

I love you

I love you

Always

"Expecto patronum!"

Warmth nestled beneath my palm, calm and peaceful. The gentle tingle of magic pulsed through my fingers but I knew in my heart this was something entirely new. 

Something the chaos of ancient enchantments couldn't touch.

Cheers and chaos crashed through my ears and my eyes shot open.

There, floating just above my wand in gentle hues of deep blues, shining silvers and bright whites, 

head cocked impossibly sideways as it watched me and wings spread wide

was my patronus.

Sebastian's wild cackle overpowered Anne's hoots and Ominis' claps.

I huffed a disbelieving laugh.

"A bloody owl! My patronus is one of those feathered devils?"

Sebastian lost it.

His laugh nearly toppling him over -

a genuine laugh.

My heart ached and I couldn't help but smile back, craning my neck to the sky and watching the wisps of the foggy owl's feathers dance on the breeze, dipping a soaring among the snowflakes.

My patronus.

My memories.

Our love.