Me and the Devil: Sebastian Sallow

Chapter TWENTY - Starlight

The rain had stopped, but our pounding hearts hadn't quieted.

Our backs still pressed against the grass, we watched the dark clouds roll over us, leaving the light of the little stars to dance.

After our giggles had died down, Sebastian's chest rose high and he let out a deep, soul-filled breath.

"Atley?" He hummed.

I turned my head to him and he rolled onto his side to face me, bringing one hand up to hold up his head and the other hanging over his hip.

"Atley, would, would you tell me more about what's going on in there?" He reached gently over to tap my temple and I noticed his hand shaking slightly before he tucked it under his side. "I just, know... how good it can feel to talk. I can just listen, if that's what you need! I won't say anything."

His messy hair was plastered against his forehead, a few strands dripped over his eyebrows and brushed against his lashes. Those deep brown eyes looked and pleaded into me. The look wasn't pressuring, wasn't presuming. His freckles danced over his face like the stars in the sky and I found myself wanting to count each one. 

The air sucked from my lunges as I tried to rip the words from my tongue.

"I'm- not- sure that I can... Sebastian..." God did I want to. I wanted to open my soul and let out these demons that had been feasting on my heart, but I didn't- couldn't. "I don't want to lose you." It came out as a whisper.

He laughed quietly at that. "I'm not going anywhere Barlowe."

"You might." His brows settled in on his face and he listened. "My...past, isn't pretty. I'm- it haunts me everyday. And I know it's selfish to think I deserve a friend like you, or Ominis, but Merlin Sebastian, I just want to feel again." 

He held his breath, made sure I was finished and searched my eyes for a permission to respond. And when he did speak , the words were clipped, like he was having trouble forcing them out.

"I'm here."

I pressed my eyelids down and felt a few rain droplets trickle over my lashes.

"My parents..." I stared at him again and he nodded gently but a wedge drove itself in my throat, bound my heart and held my tongue hostage. "I'm sorry. I can't." I turned my head back up to the stars and blinked away the salt from my eyes.

Sebastian was silent but I heard the grass shift as he rolled onto his back to look up with me.

"My sister was cursed."

The words sat on the air and hummed over our noses.

"We were in Feldcroft." He swallowed and took another breath before continuing. "It was the middle of the night and we smelled smoke. Flames were shooting into the sky from one of the old estates near us..." 

I turned my head to him but his eyelids were crushed closed. 

"Anne is the most caring soul I have ever met... She was worried someone was injured in the fire and I can't blame her for doing what she did, but- I do blame myself for not catching her. Keeping her at the house. Keeping her safe..." 

His hands were shaking again and he squeezed them into fists. My fingers reached with my heart and ran gently over his skin, holding his hands steady. His eyes snapped open quickly, chest rising a little faster. His brown eyes were watching me as he continued.

"She ran out the door and all the way up the hill before I could get to her. Before my uncle could stop her. She came face to face with Ranrok's loyalists. There was so much smoke, so many flames... You can't imagine the heat, but Anne was right there, ready to help. And, and." He stops, collects himself. Starts again. "I heard it all Atley. One of them growled clear as day 'children should be seen and not heard'... Those- goblins, they cursed her. They cursed her right in front of me." His breathing was so irregular now. Chest up, down, up, down. His next words were words with no sound. "I was right there and I couldn't do anything."

It was quiet enough to hear my heart shatter.

I squeezed his hand and ran my thumb over his wrist. I wished for the words to come, to drop from my lips but I couldn't think of the right thing to say.

His eyes glistened in the star light and my breath was crushed under the weight of the way he was looking at me.

"They didn't even give her a chance to run." The starlight dripped from the corner of his eye and over his cheek.

I expected him to pull a hand from mine to wipe it away but he didn't move. Instead he turned a hand over under my palm and squeezed it, interlacing his fingers with mine.

We sat in the silence of our hearts for what felt like an eternity before he spoke again.

"I'm going to find a cure. I'm going to save her."

This time, the words did fall to my tongue.

"I know."