Nora Kinkaid Wants Her Life Back

Belief

The question that keeps coming up is why don't I honor myself? God, I miss Oliver. I feel the absence of him next to me and I find it hard to answer the question of vulnerability without his foundation or a trustworthy partner for that matter. Why don't I ever feel like enough?

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I know I introduced myself once in the physical realm but it's time to explain my non-physical being. Sorry, I should have warned you. I'm a master soul. It's a big fancy way of saying my soul came to this earth a few times. It's pretty similar to reincarnation in Buddhism. Each time I come back around for another chance at life, I'm tasked with learning a new lesson. Essentially, I'm a master at pushing myself to level up. It's a very unique form of self-torture.

This current spin around the earth has me working on vulnerability. I'm not thrilled about it. I definitely would have liked perseverance or love more. But alas, we don't get to choose our soul's mission, we just have to work with what we've got. So this time around, my soul's journey is to get pretty comfortable with vulnerability.

It's annoying because I hate being vulnerable. I, Nora Kinkaid hate being vulnerable. I think that's how I got the migraines in the first place. I refused to ask for help. That's why Oliver and I broke up. That's why I'm bedridden currently. It's because I physically, emotionally and mentally dislike vulnerability. Do I know it's my life's purpose to get comfortable with it? Yes. Does that mean I want to work on it every second of every day? Absolutely not.

If I hate vulnerability in this lifetime, I love avoidance. Truly, if I could have avoidance and a lack of awareness about what gifts I have, sometimes I would choose to take that route. It's not easy being this self-aware. It's frustrating and complex because you're dealing with two realms at all times. You're learning how to take your higher self's purpose and put it into practice in the physical sense. Does this sound like something you would want to do on a regular basis? Probably not.

The most difficult aspect of the gift of awareness is the shear exhaustion you experience when you're leveling up. Ask anyone who's manifested before and they will tell you, the universe kicked their ass right before it happened. As a master soul, when I level up in my lifetime it doesn't come as a dainty blip on the radar. That would be too easy. When I level up it has to be a ground shaking, spirit breaking type of event that pushes me to the absolute limit of my well-being. I have to become so weak whether physically or mentally that I basically stop trying to control the outcome and just let it happen. I have to become vulnerable. You can understand why I absolutely hate it. This particular scenario is a leveling up. I'm well-aware that I need to be physically weakened and mentally exhausted in order to get to the next stop on my soul's journal. But damn it, this freaking sucks.

Even with the chaos of vulnerability and the leveling up obstacles I set for myself, objectively speaking, my soul is in pretty good shape. Not a dark mark on it. That's because I'm a light-being. Most people are light beings. You're probably one too although it can't hurt to check. Light beings are the souls who followed the rules when they came from wherever they began to Earth. They showed up as they were supposed to with no detours off the soul path highway. I imagine it looks like a lot like the Finding Nemo turtle highway. Souls being whooshed to their rightful spot, getting excited to hop off at the exact time their meant to. Their anticipation palpable.

All in all, light beings are straightforward. They range from people you like to people you don't. Just because you're a light being doesn't mean you can't be an asshole. But with a light being you know what you're getting on the energetic level. The alternative to a light being is a non-light being. Non-light beings are like a rash. They are a type of non-soul energy that comes to earth from whatever and wherever you believe things come from but they doesn't come down the way they're supposed to. They basically hop off the soul highway whenever they feel like it. Because of that pretty selfish choice, they are forced to spend the rest of their time on earth feeding off of light-beings to keep themselves going energetically speaking. They're kind of like dementors from Harry Potter. They can only take from you, they can't give. Non-light beings spend time usurping power from others. They're the pot stirrers, the jealous dramatic types and the ones who can't leave it be even if it has nothing to do with them. They fuck around. For instance, as I'm writing this my vision is cloudy. It was perfectly fine when I wrote about the light beings but the moment I called a non-light being a dementor, it feels like someone is squeezing my head between their hands and I can't see straight. Oh well, par for the course. Plus it won't stop me. I've spent too much time allowing a non-light being take things from me. They won't take my ability to see. I simply won't allow it.

Now that you know a bit about me, I can finally tell you about this fight. It's been going on for quite some time hence my difficulty trying to resolve it. Don't get me wrong, I love a good fight. They can be quite energizing. But I'm kind of worn out these days given the migraine and all. And frankly, I no longer have the time to keep this battle going. If I don't make it out of bed, I'll miss springtime in New York. I'll also miss my train to Boston which would be detrimental for a myriad of reasons. The most important of which, I'll miss Oliver.