Nora Kinkaid Wants Her Life Back

Three Month Gap

Oliver is my soulmate with seventy-five percent certainty. But I also know I don't recognize him in that form yet. His soul is my soul's match. We have found each other in each timeline but why can't or shouldn't this be the one where we unite for good? Why shouldn't he be the father of my kids? I can't refer to this soul as Oliver, it almost lessens the soul itself. I will find a non-human Oliver soul but it may also show up as someone completely different. At the same time, I hesitate to even ask for a sign of confirmation. Does it even matter if I know it to be true?

---

These months are hard for me to recall so I'm sorry if they don't really make sense. They don't make much sense to me either. The first thing I recall from these months is me slicing my finger to the bone. I had gone out drinking with Anna at DRNKS which was a mixology bar in the Seaport. Would highly recommend if you like cute bartenders and well-made drinks with no menu. Anna and I had gone out and we were on a tear. I wasn't feeling well and didn't care if alcohol made it worse. If anything it would probably make it better for a time. I'd deal with the hangover and the vertigo tomorrow. I wanted to text him from the bar. It would be so easy to text him, ask what he was doing this particular Saturday night and see if I could come over. But I didn't. Instead I ordered another drink. When I got back to my apartment I still wanted to text him. To distract myself I began cooking which I would not recommend three cocktails in. I began chopping zucchini for roasted vegetables and surprise, surprise, I cut myself.

I had turned to see if I had put the oven on and when I turned back I already had the knife poised in a cutting motion. I had failed to move my left hand out of the way. Down the knife went, clean slicing the index finger my left hand. I registered the shock and remember going "oh no oh no" before running it under water. I assessed the depth of the cut. I could see the bone. I wrapped my finger in a dishtowel and hustled downstairs to the doormen. They had to have a first aid kit. Thank god for Casey, she cleaned the wound and bandaged me up. I would need to go to First Med the next day to have it glued shut but Casey's first aid would do for the night. When I got back upstairs I survived the damage and took a good look at my life. I was drunk cooking at midnight on a Saturday. I had just sliced my finger open and had no one to call to share this injury with because the only person I wanted to talk to wasn't talking to me. I cleaned up the blood in my kitchen and left the knife in the sink. I didn't trust myself to wash or cook anything. After turning off the oven I climbed into bed and cradled my hand. What was I doing?

I still have the scar. It's faint but every so often it still hurts. When I think about the scar the first thing I think is, this is the only part of me Oliver hasn't seen yet.

The second thing I remember from this time was being home in New York and sitting next to Jack for dinner one night. Now Jack is important for one reason and one reason only. He is the reason I started believing in everyone but myself when it came to energy and spiritual signs. Years before I moved to Boston, I began working with Tess and was learning how to evaluate energy. Remember, Tess works with energy with a focus on boundaries. She's big into maintaining the distance between her energy and everyone else's. I can't say I blame her. I get so mixed up with other people's energy that sometimes it takes Tess four sessions to pull me back out.

One summer, I went through energetic bootcamp with Tess. I call it bootcamp because it was eight weeks of intensive energy work that taught me how to set energetic boundaries and identify when my boundaries were being crossed. She taught me how to clear other people's stuff from my space and recall my energy back from others. This looks like visualizing ripping things off your body and giving them back to whoever they belonged to originally. When I learned how to do this I felt light and airy. Tess basically set the energetic baseline from which I try to lead every day since. Obviously it doesn't always go so hot. I wouldn't be in this bed if I was phenomenal at it.